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About
Published in 1989, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is a self-help book written by Stephen Covey that has helped shape leaders all around the globe with 25 million copies sold and translated to 38 different languages. This book provides step-by-step actions we can take to achieve holistic effectiveness.

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NOTE: To understand some of the concepts that will be mentioned in this chapter, make sure that you have read the previous chapters first:

• Inside-Out
• The Seven Habits - An Overview
• Habit 1: Be proactive.
• Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind.
• Habit 3: Put first things first.

Chapter Six: Paradigms of Interdependence

"There can be no friendship without confidence,
and no confidence without integrity."

Samuel Johnson

This chapter is actually pretty short as this is an introductory chapter to the next three habits. If you have applied the first three habits in your life, then you have achieved private victory, or independence. Before public victory (interdependence), there must first be private victory.

Public victory is effectiveness in dealing with other people. Public victory is the achievement that other individuals see and admire. This is why many people make the mistake of jumping to public victory without achieving private victory first. There is no such thing as a quick fix.

"Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others."

Emotional Bank Account

This is an account of trust rather than money. Just like a financial bank account, an emotional bank account is the amount of trust created in a relationship. Acts of kindness are deposits. An act of disrespect could be a major withdrawal. Every action you make is either a potential deposit or a potential withdrawal.

"The first person who gives value has the leverage."

Gary Vaynerchuk

There are six major deposits that one could make to build the emotional bank account:

1. Understanding the Individual: More than listening, we need to emphatize. Understand them in the way you would want to be understood.

2. Attending to the Little Things: What might seem little to us could have a HUGE deposit to others. You probably did not remember the last time you gave someone a compliment, but you most likely would remember the last time someone gave you a compliment and how it suddenly changed your mood. It's the little things.

3. Keeping Commitments: According to Covey, "there's probably not a more massive withdrawal than to make a promise that's important to someone and not come through."

4. Clarifying Expectations: This is why relationships with no labels rarely succeed. Imagine going to work on the first day without a clear job description. Both parties will be lost.

5. Showing Personal Integrity: A key action to show your integrity is to not communicate with the intent to deceive. Another key action is to be loyal to those who are not present - and you will surely gain the trust of those who are present.

6. Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal: Mean your apology and make a conscious effort to never do it again, or you will come across as insincere.

Honesty is conforming our words to reality.
Integrity is conforming reality to our words.

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Thank you!

As I've said, it's only a short chapter but an important one as the paradigm of the emotional bank account will be a frequent theme in the next habits. In the next chapter, we will be looking at the fourth habit: Think Win/Win.

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