Habit 4: Think Win/Win | The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Chapter 7 Summary

cbcheng (49)in #life • 7 years ago

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Published in 1989, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is a self-help book written by Stephen Covey that has helped shape leaders all around the globe with 25 million copies sold and translated to 38 different languages. This book provides step-by-step actions we can take to achieve holistic effectiveness.

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NOTE: To understand some of the concepts that will be mentioned in this chapter, make sure that you have read the previous chapters first:

Also, thank you for your patience as it took a while for me to create a summary for this particular chapter. This chapter is just so rich in valuable concepts that I took my time to write this so my readers to get as much value as they can. Enjoy :)

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

This story is about a president of a company who got tired of the uncooperative culture in the office. One day, he finally came up with an idea to remedy this. He would reward the "best employee" with a trip to Bermuda. The employees then would become more productive - but more selfish. How could this happen? Winning this trip meant defeat of the other. It made the problem worse. How can you say that you want to promote cooperation when you set them up in a competition against each other?

"Think Win/Win" is not a negotiation tactic. It is a frame of mind and heart committed to seeking mutually beneficial solutions.

"Win/Win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It's not your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher way."

Other Paradigms of Human Interactions

Before we study Win/Win deeply, let us take a look at alternative paradigms.

Win/Lose. Win/Lose is the culture set up by "Race to Bermuda". Win/Lose is asking "Who is winning at your marriage?" People with this frame of mindset are built by what is called the scarcity mindset, the zero-sum paradigm of life, the belief that there is just not enough for everyone so might as well have it at the expense of others. This is the belief that winning meant beating someone else. We have to understand that most of life is a cooperative reality rather than a competitive one.

"Most results you want depend on cooperation between you and others."

Lose/Win. People with the Lose/Win mentality are the people pleasers. They have little courage to stand up for themselves because they are intimidated by others. They are the nice guys who finish last. They are the individuals who never get to speak; hence, these suppressed feelings will ruin the quality of their self-esteem and relationships. They avoid confrontation so they just let others "win" at their own expense.

Lose/Lose. Legend says that if you put crabs in one bucket, do not worry about any of the crabs crawling out. While a crab has the ability to crawl out, the other crabs will just pull him down. The crab is not even trying to "win". It just wants the other crabs to "lose". (Hence the term crab mentality). Lose/Lose people are so blinded by hatred or envy that they want to harm others even if it means harming themselves. Another popular story is about a man who encountered a genie who will grant his wish, but his worst enemy will get double of what he wishes for. He then wished to be blind on one eye. Stupid - I know - but people really do stupid things when blinded by negative emotions.

Win. What the other person gets is irrelevant as long as I win. This is perhaps the most common mindset in negotiations. It's my responsibility to secure my end, and it's your responsibility to secure yours. The problem with this is that you missed an opportunity to build a good relationship.

Keys to a Win/Win Relationship

Public victory is not victory over others. It is victory for you and everyone around you.

Character. We need to develop (a) integrity, conforming reality to our words, as explained last chapter, (b) maturity, the balance between courage and consideration, and (c) abundance mentality, the mindset that there is plenty for everyone, the opposite of scarcity mindset as mentioned earlier.
Relationships. We need to develop relationships with high Emotional Bank Accounts. If a person trusts you, he would be listening when you propose a Win/Win solution. Without a good relationship, both parties might just be seeking to fulfill "what's on paper" rather than seeking mutual benefit.
Agreements. There are five key areas you need to define for a successful and complete argeement: (a) desired results, not methods, with specified deadlines, (b) guidelines, the frame of mind in which we approach our situation, (c) resources that are available to help accomplish goals, (d) accountability, identifying individuals who will take over certain areas, and (e) consequences that follow every bad or good action.
Systems. If you put Win/Win people in a Win/Lose system like the "Race to Bermuda" tactic, the system will eat them up. If everyone has the same vision of delivering results rather than individual gains, everyone's criteria of "winning" will be the same, creating a harmonious system.
Processes. There is a four-step process suggested by the author in seeking Win/Win solutions. (1) See the problem from the other point of view; (2) identify key issues and concerns; (3) determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution; (4) identify possible new options. Habits 5 and 6 will elaborate more on the processes so stay tuned.

Win/Win takes patience, courage, and understanding to achieve, but it is a worthwhile investment both to your self-development and to your relationships with other people.

Thank you!

Thinking Win/Win is definitely a value-adding habit that we should incorporate in our lives. If you struggle to do so, do not miss the next habit that we will study - "Seek first to understand, then to be understood" as this will strengthen empathy, a skill and an initiative to understand the point of view of others.