I really never had depression that bad, but my brother did. Sometimes im glad that I deal with anxiety rather than depression, but sometimes im not sure. I rarely watch tv too but with reddit and other social media I definitely see my fair share of the worse parts of the world. I have some coping methods, there are a few movies and music that makes me extremely calm and can take me out of a panic attack. I would have never gotten through my time period of having anxiety attacks just while laying in bed if it werent for Hayao Miyazaki. I must have watched one of his movies, mostly spirited away every other day for months. The soundtracks and animation produced such a calming experience for me. Thanks for all the advice, I really am appreciative that people in a different state or country that dont even know me, care.