Toxic Relationships and You - Roles Aren't Just For Genders

in #life5 years ago

We've all heard of gender roles.

What if we were to extend this concept outward? What if we were to question every "role?"

I'm going to share something with you that caused me a ton of pain for years of my life.

I wanted this FAMILY. Like in Christmas movies. The people who KNOW you. The people who you can always fall back on. The people who love and accept you no matter WHAT.

I was clinging on to this image so tightly.

And I spent so many hours of my life clinging on to it and fretting over it and trying to make it a thing that if you added up all those hours of fretting and grasping, they would mount to DAYS or WEEKS on the phone trying, torturing myself that maybe there was something I could do or maybe I just wasn't being good enough or something.

And then there was an incident that slapped me in the face. HARD. I knew that what I wanted was so far from reality, and I was so broken that I completely gave up.

And in that giving up was great relief. Though there was also a world of pain and grief, I was surrendering. I was letting go.

When I did this, all the family relationships completely died. And this gave me a chance to completely reevaluate everything in my life.

Over the years I've questioned most concepts.

It's extremely liberating. Because these mental concepts that we build can cause us great suffering and pain. For example, my parents aren't PARENTS. They're people. Instead of holding them to a mental construct, I choose to see things that I appreciate about them. I focus on those things and I milk those things. I celebrate who they ARE instead of holding them to a mental construct. The way I see it, we're on this wonderful journey of life together. Who's to say what that looks like? Certainly not my mental constructs! Any mental construct that I have will surely be too small and limiting.

Instead of mental constructs about what a "parent" is, how about experiencing joy together? How about experiencing expansion? How about a whole lot of growth? How about really enjoyable, expansive and free relationships that have lots and lots of room to grow and expand? How about a relationship that celebrates a person as they are and also gives room for them to grow into all that they can and will be?

What if you were to forgive your parents, your sisters, your children, your spouse, your best friend for not performing according to the mental construct of what YOU want them to be?

How about deciding that no one else is responsible for meeting your needs? How about deciding that it's up to you to fulfill your needs for happiness and comfort and fulfillment? How about letting everyone else off the hook?

If you'll let your intention for every relationship and interaction be to see good and have fun, you will be so very surprised what will come. Those people who you think are the most difficult, stubborn, and toxic people WILL start to show you different behavior. Not only that, choosing to see the very best that a person can offer will uplift them immensely, heal them, and transform them. You will be very surprised how MUCH a person will surprise you as they blossom from your new powerful intention. I cannot put into words the power of your intention to see the very best in people. Love is SO powerful. That's not a cliche. Set the intention and you will see for yourself. The results will blow your mind.

Also in this toxic relationships series:
Allow People to Change
Victim Consciousness Is the Most Dangerous Thing
How to Be Unaffected By Toxic/Negative People

Toxic Relationships and You on facebook.


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