Toxic Relationships and You - How to Be Unaffected By Toxic/Negative People

Most people don't accept their own power because they're in reaction to the world around them.

There was a sentence that I read years ago that stuck with me that I turned around and around and around and around in my head: "Act; don't react." Short. Simple. And I had to unlock it. Those three words are why I'm sitting here writing this to you today.

I thought and thought and thought about that sentence. Essentially it says play your own game. Don't play someone else's game. When you react to another person, you're playing their game. But if you act, you're writing your story. You're playing your own game. It's a lesson I learn over and over again, and I just got it with a new level of clarity again yesterday.

Here's another piece of this puzzle that's going to take this a little further for you:
Everyone is their own universe. Do you really truly fully realize that each and every other human being is made up of trillions of cells that are intelligent and may even be universes themselves? Each person is entirely unique. Each person is a product of their very own unique experiences. But that's not quite saying it right. Because each person is actually a product of their own perception. Ah. You see that? Each person becomes the product of how they perceive their lives. And their lives are each made up of a series of experiences that they perceived, responded to, and reacted to. It's not really our experiences that we're made up of, but how we perceived and responded to those experiences.

Have you ever had someone say something to you about yourself that was so far off that it completely blew you away? I have! And actually, everything someone thinks about you is this way. No person can ever truly see another human being as that human being actually is. They can only perceive that other human being! Isn't that really something! The people who you think get you, they don't! They can't! Now, there are others who can see us more clearly and connect more to our essence and our intentions, who hear us, who connect to us. But they still see you only from their perspective. It can be no other way. And they can never see you from your perspective. And of course, your perspective of yourself is also not true, because it is only a perspective. Perspective is not truth. And humans are perceiving machines. Your intentions can never be scientifically proven. A scientist can't do an experiment on your intentions and come up with the same results for each experiment.

When you see a tree, are you actually seeing the tree, or are your eyes, which are a mechanism, perceiving something, translating it, and sending a message to your brain? That is not the tree, that is a perception. And your whole entire life is made up exactly that way.

Each person can best be described as a perceiver. How liberating! Because think about that! Any insult someone has ever given to you is merely their perception! And what does that say about them?! How can they perceive something about you that's outside of their experience? Aha! So what someone perceives about you has to be a part of their experience (otherwise they wouldn't be able to perceive it), and therefore it says something about them and not about you! That's why sometimes a persons's observation of you can feel so far off. They have perceived something about you that's a part of their experience that you do not at all identify with. And you were't hurt by that observation, were you? It didn't touch home. Because nothing in you could identify with it. It just felt bazaar. You may have felt sad or betrayed or angry that that person was so far off and doesn't really know you at all, but you didn't feel insulted, did you?

Ah.

So in order for us to take offense to a person's observation about us, it must be something we believe about ourselves, mustn't it?

Now, this is the main part, friends! Because this understanding alone will liberate you for the rest of your life if you grock it.

But there is more.

We're programmed to react. We're programmed to take others' actions personally even though what I've outlined here shows that what another person does can never have anything to actually do with us.

We can be disgusted by others. And we can be very energetically entwined with them even with this intellectual understanding. So now I'm going to explain how to take that intellectual understanding and change your relationships and your life with it.

The first thing is that we must have compassion. When another person behaves in a hurtful way, we must understand that that person is hurting.

Hurt people hurt people.

Joyful people don't hurt people. Joyful people love people.

When a person insults you it's because, as we saw above, they're hurting. And people have various levels of hurt varying from mild to extremely traumatized. The nastier and angrier a person is, the more they have been hurt. We all started out as little tiny innocent babies. And we've all experienced abuse in the world. A person hurting others doesn't have the tools to heal.

When someone offers something to you, you don't have to accept it.

But you're in a position to stop the cycle. With an intellectual understanding of the pain someone had to have experienced as demonstrated by their behavior, you're in a position to not perpetuate their pain. You can either have no reaction, or if you're really practiced and advanced, you may even be able to uplift that person with love. At the very least, if you don't react, if you don't take it personally, you're stopping the cycle. Not fighting back at least doesn't add to their suffering. By not taking it personally, you're also not adding to your own suffering. Then you're not turning around and hurting others because you're hurt.

This is all about taking responsibility for yourself. You're always in control over how you feel. And you're in control over how you perceive a situation. While one person may perceive a situation as a threat, another doesn't. So I recommend also challenging yourself to think about everything as many ways as you possibly can. Question your stories. When you start a story about an interaction with another person, I recommend trying to think about that situation in as many ways possible. Soon you'll see that all everything is your perception, a story that you've created that you continue to create.

It's time for you to take responsibility for how you perceive other people's behavior and actions.

So retrain yourself. I've been working through this for approximately a decade, and there are many layers. None of us are perfect. We're learning and growing. It's going to take time for this to expand in your awareness. You're going to be creating new pathways in your brain as you break old cycles and the old brain pathways get less traffic. Practice, practice, practice. This understanding will revolutionize your relationship with all people and with yourself. It will change your whole life.

You get to choose how you respond or if you don't even respond at all when a person rubs you the wrong way or downright goes off on you and becomes abusive. You can answer, or you can even choose that you're not even going to participate energetically in that story. Sometimes you can even answer but still not be energetically participating in their story. You have the power.

Just breathe and come back to your center and remember. And you're going to forget sometimes. And that's ok. Because it's time to stop the toxic relationship with yourself, too. It's time for compassion toward all beings including yourself. It's time to understand that we're all here growing and changing. Narcissists are and you are.

And now I'm going to bring it to another level that not all of you will resonate with and not all of you are ready for. If you're not ready for the following, it will sound like utter nonsensical garbage to you, and if that's the case, just move along.

Law of attraction says that life gives back to us what we are, what we expect, what we perceive, what we think, what we focus on. We evoke behaviors from others.

All humans (even narcissists) are connected to the stream of All-That-Is. We all are one, and law of attraction is always in action no matter what. Law of Attraction is always in action in our interactions with one another. If we feel powerless, we attract people who will perpetuate our story that we're powerless.

So on this next level, we take responsibility for what we're attracting.

Aha.

So on this level, you're pre-paving interactions. If you really don't want to be affected by other people's negativity, then you manage your expectations. You pre-pave interactions. You set intentions for how your interaction will go. Even if you've never had a positive experience with a particular person, you close your eyes and you dream up your ideal of how a situation could go. Now you have pre-paved a road. And now you must drive on that road. You're not driving down the old road of the old story now. Now you have built a road, and you will travel down that road. So when a person seems like they're veering off onto a different road than the road you have pre-paved, you do your best to keep your vehicle on the road that you have pre-paved.

Now, the most powerful relationship transformer I have ever come across is the Appreciation List. Open a Word document and start an Appreciation List for the people in your life. They're effective for all relationships: good, and bad, and even your relationship with yourself. What it does is it very powerfully pre-paves a road. Because writing is very powerful. This list is not to be thought. It is to be typed. Then it feels much, much more tangible and real to you. This list will change what you evoke from people because you are focused on their good qualities instead of their bad ones. Have you ever noticed how some people act like shit to you and don't treat others that way? And you are adding to that list and evolving that list. So this is a living, breathing, list, and what it does is it tells Law of Attraction that you are looking for things to add to that list. In turn, Law of Attraction brings you things that you can add to that list: you evoke behaviors from that person that you can add to that list. What it also does is it changes your behavior so that you are acting in such a way that changes the way a person interacts with you.

Remember when I said up there that each person is best described as a perceiver? Well that's not the whole story. A person is really best described as a creator.

Also in this toxic relationships series:
Allow People to Change
Victim Consciousness Is the Most Dangerous Thing

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