Break Up Post #1

in #life4 years ago

Disclaimer --
First and foremost, this is not supposed to be a sad post. I just wanted to provide a little background as to why I am starting this journey. It is also titled #1 not because I really intend to bring this up again but because it may happen if I leave out something relevant or if something new comes up.

My College Sweetheart -- Or so I thought.
For a little background, I met my ex on the 3rd day I was on campus. By the end of that week, we were together. You can imagine this really didn't go well. We barely knew each other but decided to be in a committed relationship with each other. (Spare me the laughs please, I know better now). But we were inseparable. I even spent the summer with him in his hometown! But we did fight A LOT, and were broken up after a year because he wanted to be selfish and loved me but was not in love with me. But I said we were together for two years. Right, so we were broken up for 3 months with very little contact. I was devasted. I lost 10 pounds, every day for those 3 months I woke up feeling sad and empty. I tried to read the Bible and pray, I went out and partied, I met other guys. I tried everything but nothing filled the void. One day, out of nowhere, everything changed. He called and apologized for everything and said he wanted a fresh start. Of course, like a puppy, I was right there. I mean I chewed him out for hours about how hurt I was but in the end, none of it mattered. I had my best friend, my man back.

The second time around, things seemed so much better. He listened more, he was sweeter. We went on more dates, it was great. We actually spent time getting to know each other so what went wrong this time? Well, two months ago (a week after he made me a website for Valentine's day and took me to his hometown for the weekend in Missouri) he called me down to go to the cafeteria just like normal, and when I got in the car, he was on the verge of tears. I asked what was wrong and he said "I'm so sorry, I just keep hurting you, I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore." That time, I actually didn't cry. For some reason, I wasn't surprised. I asked why, and he told me he just didn't feel like we had a "deep connection". Before I got out of his car, I deleted all of our pictures, muted him on all social media, and tried to ask him for any closure I needed. I did end up asking for more closure in the coming weeks, during the day. But other than that, I didn't talk to him. I knew it was truly over.

Okay, so why the journey?
In the coming weeks, I did cry. And bargain. I had a designer journal that I had bought from the bookstore the first time we broke up. I reread all the feelings that I had in the past year, the feelings from the breakup, from our part 2, and I realized something. I wasn't truly happy with him. There were things that I wanted out of our relationship that I never would have been able to receive because he just wasn't the type of person who could give them to me. That made me wonder, do I truly love and value myself? To stay in an unhealthy relationship so eagerly for so long? And to almost lose myself entirely in it? Basically, the entire situation really made me question my self-worth and how much I love myself and I hate that I gave someone else so much power over me. I have forgiven him but hopefully, through writing, I can learn to forgive myself.

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Please enjoy this visual representation of me ignoring all the red flags lol (courtesy of Knowyourmeme.com)

Feedback?
I am a little nervous about posting this, but I would like to know what you all think in terms of delivery etc, and if I went too much or too little into the background. Thanks for reading!

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Hello @blk.rose,

I can understand the situation you were in. Sometimes we fall in love with a person without knowing them, then we start to love some aspects of the person, despite not knowing them well.

Sometimes you are also hopeful, that it will change one day, you convince yourself that you see potential, that you believe this to be his true nature. In the end, you wait and the wait never stops. In that case you have a few options, you can realize that the waiting will destroy you one day, since you are in love with the idea of an ideal future with a person you will never have that with. You can act as you did and make a clean cut and stop your personal destruction.

I can understand the initial pain and sorrow after the first breakup and honestly, I respect you and applaud the strength you had gained so fast. You were quite impressive by already expecting it to turn out the way it did in your part 2. Not many people can learn and act so fast, you have saved yourself from quite some pain and have proven to be very smart and strong.

Adressing your writing, I think you covered the important aspects. You could have added some more information, but that would be hard to choose which without knowing more to it, also it would only help get readers deeper into the situation you are telling us about.

One information would interest me though: What exactly made you realize so fast that it will turn out the way it did and what gave you the energy to act upon it so fast?

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Thank you @cryptokannon for giving me the opportunity to read this.
I hope I was able to give you a little feedback @blk.rose .

Have a lovely day!

Thank you for taking the time to reply to her post @rashia, I appreciate it :) you give great insight from your point of view and experience about love and that's valuable.

Basically, the entire situation really made me question my self-worth and how much I love myself and I hate that I gave someone else so much power over me. I have forgiven him but hopefully, through writing, I can learn to forgive myself.

I agree with her, sometimes to forgive ourselves is much harder than to forgive someone who hurt us. Good day, my friend :)

No need to thank me, I am grateful you showed me this post.

I agree as well. Actually I have never heard of a case, where it was easier to forgive ourselves than others.

Thank you so much for your feedback, I think remembering the pain, how I acted, and just the overall experience from the first time really drove my actions the second time. Everything was just more amicable the second time whereas the first involved a lot of screaming, crying, and bargaining. I guess I just didn't have the energy to fight for it anymore. And maybe secretly I had hoped that things would end before graduation (to alleviate the stress of carrying another person into my "real" adult life). Thank you also for the feedback on the writing, I will probably write another post going a little more into detail about everything.
(: Have a great one

Hi @blk.rose I can relate to your relationship story. I feel sorry about the relationship that not went well for you. Hope you will get stronger than ever from this love lesson. I think we all have this kind of relationship in our life. Good that you noticed early before its too late. I stumbled upon @tawnielucas sharing about her insight on this kind of love where she stated;

Sometimes we end up falling in love with the idea of someone, or in love with love, or in love with being in a relationship, rather than in love with the actual person you are with.

https://steemit.com/music/@tawnielucas/original-song-the-idea-video-lyrics

Hope you are well and keep moving forward stronger!
@rashia might have something to share about her own experience about what is love in her blog someday, follow her and you might find something interesting.

Thank you, I can truly say that I am actually grateful for having gone through such a relationship and learned this lesson at my young age. I also think I'm doing pretty while for the time frame so I'm pretty happy. I really appreciate the feedback (:

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
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