The Demonis that torment me

Hello, my name is Adams Mats, I am a young man Born in Venezuela. "Yes Venezuela" I think we have never been so named since Estefanía Fernández won the Miss Universe. And Dayana Mendoza the crown, being the first time the same country repeated the reign, thus gaining a Guinness prize. It is sad that my country is recognized now not for its Natural Beauty, its Beautiful Women and Men, the Human Heat, the only country with the highest cable car in the World, with the oldest mountains, but for the economic political situation in which we live

But I do not come to speak to you about the Greek tragedy that we are going through, I want to use this medium to be able to unburden everything that I have kept for several years and I feel that I must let them flow so that I can finally be free of these demons, so to speak, who accompany me.
My life is nothing normal, I think it is more than strange, I did not grow up as many I know. I have had a double life since I was very young. As if another person lived what is now my past
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I only remember shadows of my childhood, Ugly shadows, And although I try to remember and tie strings to decipher this ocean of thoughts, I can not find the beginning. For this reason, my brain created an alternative life where everything is normal, colorful and full of fun. It is the life I always tell when asked about my childhood.
But today I will tell you what I can remember. As I said, I do not know how it all started. I do not know how it is that a child of 5,6, 7 can live these things, But I was passed. If I have heard, read terrifying stories of children, but one thing is to listen to them and another very different Live it. I was always a quiet child. My parents raised me that way, I had no friends nor to tell my things, only my younger brother. "I am the eldest" my parents were busy people, many times they left us alone for their business meetings, so they did not have time to take care of us on weekdays. This led to the obligation to hire Niñer @ s. If so, Children. I do not remember any of them. Only my Nana who began to take care of me much later. The Darkness began to take over my life from that moment. My brain blocks many things, thoughts and memories that are not grateful. In these leftovers I see naked people Showering, I remember sensations. Whispers, silences and lies. But I do not have a clear picture of the facts. In these confused memories I see someone who sees me and is amazed and runs away, the expression on his face was terrifying, I was not alone, I know because trying to remember I feel the presence of someone behind me. I do not know what I was doing, I do not know how I was or how old I was, but what I can remember is that my behaviors were not normal either, I had gotten used to it and I was looking for it. At the age I have it is easy for me to draw conclusions, but I have an alternative life that always dominates and opaque that past are color.
It is difficult for me to tell this, to vent and tell. But I guess they wondered, because I did not say anything to anyone? As I said, I was a quiet child, I never told my parents anything and I still do. Eh tended to ask my parents about my childhood and who were the ones who took care of me, but I'm afraid to know, I feel that knowing their names see their faces, I get all those memories that are blocked. I think my parents did not cultivate that trust from father to son that we should have had and I think that was one of the reasons why so many things happened to me, like these demons that tormented me for years. Not so much now, I learned to live with them. But in my adolescence they definitely marked me