When You Catch Someone In A Lie...
How do you handle it when someone lies right while looking into your eyes?
What’s the best way to handle this sensitive situation?
Do you let it go, knowing the truth?
Or
Do you get angry and tell the liar how busted they are?
Do you feel betrayed or do you feel victorious for knowing the lie is a lie?
Why on earth do we care when someone wants to lie?
I am truly torn on this small problem. Your insight is appreciated.
Hmm... interesting question.
I think it depends on the situation and on the person really. But one thing is for sure, even if I ignore it, the image I have of that person is tainted.
Cheers Lori.
Thanks for the input I appreciate the bit of wisdom, hidden in your comment about the tainted view. Very cool thanks.
It depends on who told the lie and what outcome one can expect. I could be wrong but I sense your care and concern about confronting this behaviour but also your betrayal at this person lying to you.
I know someone who says one thing and then another, contradicting themselves within minutes. People can do this unknowingly because they carry emotional burdens from the past, where it was dangerous to speak the truth. It can be very frustrating dealing with individuals like this. Telling them they've lied might not work because the psychological roots for that behaviour are still there and will require awareness/inner work to get over. In this case I would suggest thinking about what what you wanted out of the conversation to begin with and sticking to topic. Perhaps afterwards you could gently say something if you sense an openness although it may backfire.
It can be shocking if the lie comes from an aspect of someone's personality that lies because it works to lie -- i.e. to get what the person wants and a generally more "ruthless" intent. I steer well clear of people like this. Again, think about what it is you wanted from the conversation to begin with.
I generally keep away from both groups of people or keep communication to 'small talk' because generally these relationships don't add anything to my life. Rather, it can shut down my heart if I'm not careful and make me feel more guarded.
I'm a little sleep deprived so I'm sorry for the typos :)
Thank you for your thoughtful reply, it is appreciated! I agree that it is best to stay the quiet one. That is hard for my Leo brain- I am a vocal Lioness at times. Your thoughts are kind in spirit- thanks much for your time. Nice to meet you by the way! = )
You're welcome! I totally understand how hard it is to stay quiet, especially in the heat of the moment.
Nice to meet you too! :)
I think there are a few things to consider. The first trick is to figure out why they are lying. There are reasons why people lie, be it shame, embarrassment, cruelty or kindness. Note I put two very diametric positions on there. If it was kindness, such as setting up a surprise birthday part or stories about the Easter bunny then I say just support it. If it is because of shame, then don't condone the action, but have empathy. If it is out of unkindness, then then confrontation is in order, and ultimatly, if they are a repeat offender, then they are probably not a person you'd want to be around.
All of this advice is very situational, but above is where I think you should start.
Wise words coming from experience it sounds like. I sense you have been in a similar position. Thanks for your input! Keep doing what you do! I am glad to have your thoughts - especially regarding confrontations -great perspective.
I found out after rooming with him that my first roommate in college was a pathological liar. Still interacted with him after I found out, but it was always such a balancing act because it was a mental illness . Only after his lies started hurting my friends did I have to cut ties with him and I still wonder if I did the right thing.
Now I’m struggling how to show my kids that lying is bad except for sometimes.... shades of grey are never easy.
It is very hard to explain the difference between lying to Mama and saying “you’re beautiful no matter what”. And lying to Mama saying “I didn’t eat the last cookie”. Haha
I will just keep trying to do my best. I keep telling myself that I’ll show them how it’s okay to not be perfect by example. That’s why I believe it’s okay to admit you were wrong to your kids when you goof up.
@lorilikes I think it really depends who the liar is. If it is someone close to us like our loved ones then we feel hurt as we want them to trust us enough to share the truth with us. However, when it is someone distant, I just laugh :D
I often burst into laughter when I know someone is lying to my face about something that really does not matter to me one way or another. They obviously think that we care enough to lie to us when in reality we don't give a sh*# ;)
Lucy I thank you darling for your opinion here. Always good to have you come and say a few words. Thanks mama!
I try not to lie because it is too hard to remember them. But I think it depends on the situation. I recently lied to my elderly aunt for a good cause, a surprise for her that she loved. But I had to lie to her in order to get what I needed for the surprise. So I think in some cases lies can be good. But I am assuming the lie that was told was a bad lie, one that either didn't need to be told or one that was told that hurt even if that wasn't the intentions. Some people think if they lie they will save feelings not realizing that they are ruining trust and hurting feelings even more than telling the truth.
For me it depends on the person and situation if I bust them out right then or there or wait to see how it is going to play out.
It sometimes does work out that the only kind thing to do in a situation is tell a white lie. You’re right.
Though the first thing I did after I knew she got her surprise was call her and apologize to her, she told me I can lie to her any time when there is a good surprise in store for her. I felt guilty and told my mom it is a good thing I love you or I couldn't have done it to such a sweet lady.
Wow.Great writing.
And your thought is really awesome.