Dating a racist : Racial stereotypes on Asian women

Hello, today I'd like to share a little story about my own life as an Asian woman.

My experience

When I turned 20, I wanted to try out new things in my life. Since I was a French major, I decided to download an app to be friends with French people living in Korea.

One of em was a guy named Maxime ( not the real name) who seemed kind at first. Well, he was a bit flirty but, being 20, my heart easily skipped if a guy showed any affection for me ( Big mistake.) Plus he was pretty good looking.

Problem is, this boy wasn't looking for a true soulmate. This boy was particularly in to.. ' weak, petite, lovely , sexual' Asian girls.

Hell... Sadly, what he didn't know was how diverse the categorization of Asian girls could be. I am in to graphic design, I like to play drum , I like rock music. I can be goofy but I do stuff on my own, and I think I'm a pretty strong person. And I bet there are a plenty of Asian girls who are strong and doesn't go along to the notion on Asian girls.

Anyways, I realized this after dating him like a week. I knew he was racist at that point. But I thought if I talked him out of it, he would change. For example, he would say stuff like ' white girls are too masculine.' And I would say ' That's bullshit. I don't call you feminine because you don't have abs.'

Or as we were walking down the street he would see a Turkish person, shake his head, and say ' ugh, Turkish people.' I would unlock his hands from mine and say ' ugh, French people. Arrogant and noisy .' ( No offense to french people, I just wanted to show him how he was being unfair.)

After a month or so, I decided to break up with him , but after a week he promised that he would change, so I took him back( Second big mistake .)

And the hair talk happened. I told him that I wanted to cut my hair and it's gonna happen soon. He pleaded me not to, saying don't cut your hair, and we will be happy if I didn't. He said I wouldn't be a girl anymore, but a boy with skirts. He held my head and said ' don't be a white woman.' He even cried over the fact when I repeated that I was going to cut my hair. To think about it, I think that was the tears of a person who couldn't fulfill their fantasy of having complete power over someone.

Well, I did it anyway. Partially because I wanted to try that kind of hair cut, and partially because I just wanted to get done with this relationship. I've always had a feeling that he didn't like me as who I am, and wanted to get rid of the weird/ independent/ wild side of me.

Anyways, when I was done with the haircut, he wanted a break up. But being the complicated person I am, I didn't want a break up at that moment. It's hard to explain, but I didn't want to admit that I have loved a worthless person. So I asked him not to leave, and he didn't. Then he didn't want to come to my birthday, so I dumped him.

So, that was the worst two months of my life time. What did I learn after this experience? I've learned that racial stereotypes blind people from knowing the person entirely. And being an Asian woman, sexualisation of Asian women is a problem for me. I'm not criticizing white people only. My African American friend told me that his friends say Asian girls are like trophies if you get one.

After my dating experience, I've began to think of the society's wrong perception on Asian girls. The girls on the ads for dating, the girls who are submissive ( Check out Katy perry's performance on the song 'unconditionally' wearing a traditional Japanese outfit), the ' kawai 'girls, the girls who need to be protected .

The moral of the story is not ' Watch out when you meet foreign guys . ' I'm dating a New Zealand guy now and I'm feeling better than ever.
It is to clean out the stereotypes and see who the person truly is. After all, we are all human.