All Puns Intended

Enjoy this selection of puns.

Puns: a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.

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A man who drives like hell, is bound to get there.

A man running in front of a car, gets tyred; And a man running behind a car, gets exhausted.

War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

A man who wants a pretty nurse, must be patient.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper’s jammin’ again.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

PMS aren’t funny. Period.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

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