In Between Vulnerabilities

I’m one of last from the eight children to my parents. My father has struggled in his life to studying and became a Physician. He always wanted from his youngsters to become physicians and pursue their career in medicine and surgery. Really sorry to say none of my three brothers and four sisters pursued the career my dad wanted from us. It doesn’t mean that they denied my father’s wish but, literally they never reached to qualify for the limited seats of a government medical schools that allow low-wealth students to study medicine and surgery and become a doctor.

It was my turn now, I was admitted to a very low-status school to study my twelve grades and become eligible for a medical school. I was struggling to be one of the first eleven in the admit list from 1500 candidates from the same district, appearing for the entry test to qualify the admission. It was a breathtaking moment when I filled the entrance test admission form and started thinking in a deep consciousness that if I failed to qualify one of the eleven seats, my father will exceptionally feel hurt. Off course he needs to feel hurt because, I remember how my father grinded himself in the chopper of paying tuition and school supplies, ruining all his life savings on eight of his children’s to educate enough to do better with our lives. It was not his fault, but the country like Pakistan where the socioeconomic status is very low, he knew that become a doctor is the only chance for his children to survive in an un-structured macro-economic zone.

I failed……I failed; I wasn’t one of the eleven but in one of the 50’s. I was rejected in the admission test to get into the medical school. It was a moment of disappointment not only for me but for my entire family. I got out of my home, walked alone towards small river thinking about what to do now and my eyes were weeping continuously because I really wanted to study medicine and become a physician not for me but for my father. It was a moment when I appeared nothing to do now and quite my life……!

I don’t know what happened to me amid that point and I changed my decision while thinking from a core heart, I listened myself and committed to finding solutions in my life and it came into my mind not to give up so easily and try something else, find something better and I changed my mind and returned back to my home with a vision that we occasionally need to shed off the old habits. Things that burden us or add no value to our lives should be let go. I believe the disappointment of my life to become a physician was the first influence that shaped me to recognize my own self and influenced me towards an understanding of who really I am. I decided to apply for my undergraduate and never chose again to study Biology but to study business, because it was something new that I was curious and wanted to choose for my career. I became one of the three selected candidates to study Business at a public sector University where hundreds of the students wanted to get admitted to study business on a low tuition.

I met with a new challenge. It wasn’t so easy to take cover for a science student to understand the business subjects that, I never had an idea before. Sometimes, I had a hard time to figure it out how my bachelors of business administration can help me as a career choice and I had no idea what to specialize in the fourth and final year of business undergraduate. From many choices, I selected Finance as it was fascinating to me. But I was still unclear to my goals and never knew what I really wanted to do with my life. I was proud that I qualified my first degree with 3.4 CGPA as one of the top 20 candidates from the finance major I invited my family on my graduation and in fact no one from my family was interested to attend.

Now, it was a time to try my luck and get a job and again I failed. I applied in so many public, private companies, organizations but I was never shortlisted because the private sector recruiters needed experienced personnel’s and public sector recruiters wanted a heavy bribe to select me as a perfect candidate for the job. I never lost hope and a primary level school selected me as a teacher for 3rd, 4th, and 5th-grade students to teach them Science, & English subjects. That time I recognized the opportunity, if I never studied Biology in my high school, I never get this job that I really needed to survive.

Well, besides that job I wanted to study further and I continued my education and started a graduate degree of MBA. I was unaware that it can change my life in the next few months. In the meantime, I got another part-time job at a local non-profit to handle their finance operations as an administrative assistant but on a very low compensation and I accepted because I knew that if I want to get a job in a high payable company I need experience and this was a great opportunity to start in the field of finance.

One day walking through the notice board at the business department, I read an advertisement of a fully funded opportunity of the U.S. Department of State’s; Community College Initiative (CCI) Program was announced for entry-level professionals. It was a program designed for the exceptionally qualified students to study advanced courses for two semester and professional development in a community college set-up at the United States. I ignored that information and said wish I can be one of those lucky students with a negative temperament.

I went with my gut feelings to apply for that fully funded opportunity but, I was afraid of failure and it was because of my worst self-esteem. Well, I motivated myself and applied with all my core heart and sent them all the materials they needed. After two months I forgot that I had applied for the United States because people in a third world country can’t even think about it. I was confirming that definitely my application can be thrown in the trash bin but I was wrong. I got an email and a phone call from the United States Education Foundation that I’m one of the 100 shortlisted candidates from 1050 to appear for the interview. This was the time; I was influenced the second time in my life and appeared myself very grateful to my decision of choosing business as a career choice. After successfully advancing through the application, screening, and interview stages of a multi-phase recruitment and nomination process. I was informed that I’m one of the five principle candidates from my province/state and one of the 75 finalists selected from Pakistan to go on CCI-Fellowship in the United States.

This was the first time after four years; my father asked me what’s going on in my life. I left my home, left everyone behind and traveled to the United States. It was the third time in my life I was influenced deeply and appeared a strong individual who has the ability to create his own paths. The time passed very immediately, I met so many people very diverse in culture and lifestyle, different in color, language, and behavior. I found myself there, I began living there, and I was adopted in the environment. I traveled in different states utilizing the advantage of my scholarship program; I walked in the streets of the D.C. visited most beautiful places including the “White House”. This was the fourth time when I was shaped by the influences of another world that taught me that life doesn’t end it just keeps moving and I appeared the best version of me when I worked as an intern at the community college in the United States.

As Steve Jobs said, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. If I got selected in a medical school, what happened next, I would become a doctor and will guide the same to my children’s and this stereotype can never end. I’m lucky that, I have chosen my own path and I had broken that stereotype. If I would have committed suicide looking back at the time, I would never enjoy this life, what I have experienced in my beautiful life now. If I would have never selected my own career and choice, I would never get a chance to study in the world’s greatest country and never learn not to give up in my life. If I would never get the failure in my life; I could never see the best version of me.