imagine a woman trips while walking onto stage for a great face-plant-nap.... now THAT is more my style

I want to give enough information to introduce myself. Somehow, without burying my potential in my back-story. Does that make sense? Probably not but here we go anyways.
I was adopted in the Northwest U.S. when I was an infant. My adopted parents are great people. They are not aware of all that has happened in my life. I like to keep it that way. Some stories don't need to be detailed. Anyways, they still have ties to someone I no longer allow in my life. I do not believe it fair to force a choice on family and they respected my decision to cut ties. Due to inability to pay for my own place and live alone, I never had a safe place. I endured multiple types of childhood abuse till 13. After the childhood abuse, I got to live through years of what is now my constant nightmare. During these times I was also dealing with health problem after health problem while my parents were being told I was fine by the Dr.
(These health complaints were all verified later on by a different physician. Along with back pain that I supposedly made up that later showed on an MRI to be a ruptured disc. Also, multiple trips to a Dr for my ribs. I was sick for a long time and coughing a lot. I would be in a coughing fit and hear a crack, feel horrible pain and couldn't breathe. I was afraid something broke and wanted an x-ray. The pain lasted for a while and it happened at least 6 different times. For the first 5 times, I went to either my primary care physician or the local urgent care. I was told the reports showed nothing there. Recently I requested my medical records and "fractures seem chronic" was written in the radiologist report of the most recent x-ray. I now have to sit down and go through page by page to find all I don't know about myself... I, ME, Myself, the patient herself..... CHOSE [naively]to put my past with alcohol in my medical file after I graduated a rehab facility I had entered voluntarily. Thinking "I've turned my life around so why should I hide my past." lol yeah, reality slapped me good on that one. I have a feeling my back and ribs were ignored due to that past. oh jeez.... don't get me started on my opinion of the healthcare system here. Whooo)
uhhhhhh...... oh yeah! ha-ha my brain took a rant-break
So I self medicated with alcohol for a while. About a decade. I now have over 4 years alcohol free! I was part of a great group that helped people with drinking trouble for the first 3 of my alcohol free years. I drifted away after choosing medical marijuana over my dr's "efforts" toward my care. (Weed is a big no-no in the group but works for me)
I wanted a "normal" life or anything close. I got a good job with the possibility of growth to what I hoped to become. I tried to pretend the past never happened, which I was able to do for about a year on my own. Then the back pain started. Adding to my pre-existing chronic pain condition. I had a GREAT job and I LOVED it. I was where I wanted to be and I worked my ass off to get there in a single year. The pain and stress, with no one left to turn to, made me vulnerable. The demons of my PTSD were there waiting for an opening. And wow did they take it. A "breakdown" at 26 restarted my path in life again.
Unfortunately, my physical health trouble, on top of my now incredibly forefront PTSD, keep me from working. Yeah, I had to walk away from the job I loved to try and get help, in hopes at the time, to return better than before. Needless to say... large companies don't care how hard you try. You do or you don't and I couldn't.
My parents (not exactly wealthy on their own) help where they can and because of that help, disability here will not even look at my medical records to determine if I'm technically (by government standards) disabled or not. So they expect me to be a leech unless I can figure a way to earn a living with these speedbumps.
My companion dog (aka my "child"), My family, Medical Marijuana and therapy kept me kind of coasting. Stuck in bed most of the day due to your own body and mind is no life. A little over a year ago I met a guy by chance and went from "I just want to be left alone" to stupid in love. Obviously, a relationship didn't heal me physically but having my love in my life has helped heal me in different ways.
I never had a safe place. Until now.
This amazing man gave me love, safety, support, acceptance, and a true HOME...
I still have PTSD. I still have all of my awesome physical health conditions. ( There should be another choice in font... bold, italic, sarcastic.....) I still have no one outside my little circle of people, which I listed above, to turn to for help. It's a scary feeling to have to live with even tucked inside my home with my love and our 2 dogs (I adopted his and he adopted mine)It's a feeling I don't wish on anyone.
I've learned a lot in my 28 short years. I learned a lot of it the hard way. I'd love to find a way to share what I've learned with people. To make a contribution. To help someone somewhere, so that they don't have to go through what I've been through to learn the lessons I've learned.
This being said.... don't get shit twisted.
I'm no angel. I've made dumb decisions and done stupid shit. I have good and bad days. A lot of that depends on how bad I feel that day. I can be very blunt, defensive, and cold. Everyone's past shapes who they've become and mine wasn't the cheeriest. I'm real. I'm human. Whatever the fuck THAT means in today's world. I have an interesting sense of humor and I do love to laugh. I appreciate what I have and looking at the positive side, am able to use what I've learned from my past in all aspects of life.
I guess I just seek balance in this world of extremes.
A way to enjoy my life while trying to find a way to give what help I can.
So Introducing me... blunt.force :)