“You can’t change anyone”
Here’s a lesson that it took me way too long to learn. I heard it a million times and it hurt to hear. It just felt so ....hopeless. If I can’t change anyone, how are things going to get better?
woah pexels, sometimes you surprise me with some gold like this, image link
The thing is, this statement is not entirely true when we look at the way our actions and thoughts reverberate out into the world, but for all intents and purposes, when we look at direct cause and effect, we cannot really change anyone through the force of our will. Look at how hard it is to convince anyone of anything. The fact is that their opinions MAY come from a lack of perspectives, but you don’t provide them with perspective by forcing it down their throat.
That’s because they have their own free will and that’s beautiful, so let them exercise it.
It doesn’t mean you can’t speak your mind. But when you speak your mind, you can just put it out there. You don’t need to engage in heated debates. You don’t need to see it as a battle and you don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
Change yourselfnand the world changes
You’ll find that real change occurs when we focus on changing ourselves. The ideas that’s seemed so hard to express to others suddenly seem to reach people we never thought they could. The things that seemed so difficult suddenly don’t. It doesn’t need always work like that, and when it doesn’t, you can find a more productive way to spend your time.
The alt-right and SWJs don’t really exist to me because I have way more important things to do than focus on polarizing debates. I can see both sides as people with valid points and grievances, sometimes manipulated into being a bit too extreme and one-sided. I let them be. Before when I had lots of emotional baggage, I got caught in the trap and spent so much energy on trying and change them. Did I? Of course not! Now I put my energy where it can build something instead of always fighting. I can still stand up for what is right, but it comes from a desire to build and work towards something better than a desire to win some kind of battle.
If corruption and stupidity fire you up to build and create, go for it! But there is nothing to fight except the urge to fight. You can have a greater impact and fix more by just trying to fix yourself and letting that reverberate out into the world.
“Be the change” is not merely a cliche or just a famous quote. There is deep truth to that idea, it’s really all you can do.
A fellow steemians just asked me what I think we need to survive when the shit hits the fan. My answer: we mostly just need to get our emotional shit together, the rest will work itself out from there. I feel that’s some of the best advice I have to give.
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Confessions of the Damaged - a collection of short stories
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by @skyleap
Those who change themselves
Can change the world
One ring to rule them all!
That's true. A lot of people seem to still not understand it and keep trying to change other people when they can't even change themselves. Sometimes it annoys me when someone tries to change me. haha.
We didn't come here with instructions on how to live, we got those from people who can before us and who had no instructions either. But once you start to see it, it's only a matter of time before you integrate it into every aspect of your life.
completely correct. I have spent a large part of my life try to get my parents to see who I am. but I can not do it, the only thing I can do is to be loyal to myself. its not my job to change them.
first one has to fix oneself so one can take care of others but can not influence others to do the same thing, if they do not want it
Parents！ hahaha yes I know....I now just try to be who I want to be regardless of how they act, I tell them I love them and to call me another day when they criticize me, then I hang up the phone because I don't want to listen. This has proven to work very well!
We can only lead by example, there is no other way of changing anything.
For a pineapple, you are very wise.
So much of the strife in our news today is people shouting at people to change (super effective... yeah, right, anything but) and then when the people won't change, writings laws to force the person to change (and that works like a lead balloon flies).
And most of these yelling, legality bending people have no self reflection on the hate and loathing within themselves.
You have your shit together too! I would trust you to build a castle.
I love how people somehow think more laws will make the world a safer place without addressing the deepr causes of problems...how many people do we need to lock up before we decide we have to reassess our ideas of right and wrong and what causes undesirable behavior?
My rough guess... in my humble opinion... is all of them.
Unless we get a lot of people working on themselves, the alternative ends with us, locking up all of us.
(Or as in the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, he built a asylum, and put the whole world in it.)
Once I figured this out my life changed for the better.
I think you are a master in that you can take these understandings and convey them succinctly with such clarity and ease. This is stuff you have really digested.
Haha a master!? Haha I guess I'll take the compliment, but I think there are many others just as proficient as I, and I happen to know a few of them ;-)
Being a master doesn't mean you're the best. It just means you've fully digested the work - not just memorized it. You've put it to work in your life and you grock it on many levels through a lot of experiment and rolling it around in your mind.
The only issue i see here, is freewill does not exist. Whos the you that chooses? And, what are "you" choosing from?
The problem with the "free will doesn't exist" theory is that even if it's true, you don't gain anything from focusing on that, you will likely become more complacent and apathetic and accomplish less and have a much worse time in your time on earth. So even if free will is an illusion, go with it. that's how I feel anyway :-D
That hasnt been the experience here. Decisions seem easier, creativity seems heightened, pride and guilt are less and i am generally kinder. But my philosophy isnt necessarily a materialistic version of non freewill. Wasnt really trying to start a debate or anything, i just enjoyed your article and that stood out to me. Yes, i see no issue with your mode. Wether we have free will or not it looks like this, and this and this :). Thanks for the response.
I agree... well written👍
You can't change a person that is correct, but you can upgrade that person to become better in some aspects.
nices posts i like your posts
always love your post.