This Is How My Unsettling New Year's Situation Set Me Free
My New Year's day came with a brutal realization...
And it totally caught me off guard.
Here's my story:
I live with my girlfriend Dani in a house in downtown Austin.
We've been living with our roommate Kai over the past few months.
About a month ago, Kai told us that he would be moving out.
Since we knew we couldn’t afford to live in our three bedroom house without another person paying rent, we hustled to find another roommate throughout all of December.
Thankfully, with a week left in the month, we ended up finding someone who fit the bill.
We hit if off the first time we met and on our second meeting we had agreed that he would move in on January 1st.
"Phew!", I said to Dani after finalizing the details with our new roommate. "That was a close call..."
Or so we thought...
On January first we had everything ready to go. The room was in pristine condition, the house looked great, and we were all set to invite in our new roomie.
We hadn't heard anything from him the day before, even after calling and texting him, but we figured he was just busy with the holidays.
But as time passed that day the reality of the situation started to subtly sink in...
He wasn’t coming.
This was followed by the next few unfortunate realizations:
It was Janaury 1st, our rent was due, we had no roommates, and we didn’t have enough money to pay our rent…
At this point, I felt quite overwhelmed.
Dani and I already were cutting it close with our budget and having to pay an extra $800 of unexpected rent charges was putting us over the edge.
We ended up having to tell our landlord that we couldn't pay our entire house rent and would have to pay her at a later date this month.
She wasn’t too happy about that, but we knew that the situation was out of our control.
We had done our very best to prepare ourselves for the best possible outcome, but it just didn’t work out.
I was glad that we weren’t blaming ourselves for a situation out of our control, but it sure didn’t take away from the fact that we were potentially about to be broke and homeless!
Thus, I meditated on the situation for a bit.
I asked myself:
“What can I do right now to resolve this issue?”
And the first thought that came to my mind changed everything:
“Accept it.”
Acceptance Changed Everything
Shortly after dealing with the intensity of the situation I realized that my next best possible move was to fully and compeltely accept where I was at.
To me, this meant accepting my financial situation.
I spent the next few hours tallying up all of my assets, expected income, and expenses over the next two months.
As I was doing this, I felt a bit of anxiety at first, but once I had sorted out my entire finaical situation and could assess EXACTLY where I was at… I felt a lot different.
In fact, I felt free!
Although nothing outside of me had really changed (as I was still broke), because I had pinpointed EXACTLY what my situation was, my mind could no longer make the situation any worse than it really was.
On top of that, because my situation now felt much more grounded, I was now able to start making grounded, practical, and proactive decisions.
I began to think of ways I could make more money and the ideas started flowing like a tidal wave of abundance!
By the end of the day, I had discovered numerous ways to solve the problem staring me in the face.
Even better, I realized that this situation was actually helping me to expand my perspective of what kind of income I was capable of having.
I started the day feeling like I could barely afford my rent...
By the end of the day, I felt confident that I could make 4x my rent!
And ALL of this transpired because of the ONE thing I did, right off the bat:
I accepted where I was at.
Accepting Life’s Curve Balls
I’ve definitely experienced the power of acceptance before, but this situation really has brought it home for me.
One thing that I’ve realized for myself is that when something uncomfortable or unexpected happens, I don’t always choose to accept the situation right away.
In example, during past experiences I would spend all my time and energy thinking and imagining what might happen to me, afraid for what may come...
When in reality, I wasn’t even seeing the situation for what it really was.
This time I operated differently - I chose to face the facts.
And that changed everything for me.
Instead of remaining in a state of subjectivity - I chose to see things as objectively as possible.
It’s impossible to take action or make decisions when there’s no tangible way to approach the situation.
By taking an objective approach, suddenly everything feels much more concrete, even during the times of temporary chaos.
Instead of staying ignorant about the situation at hand, I chose to understand what this situation really was all about.
We often assume that we know what the situation is all about without actually doing the research.
Yes, I didn’t have the money to pay my rent at the time, however, in my ignorance I was not able to see that I already had everything I needed to make much more than I needed!
Once I understood what the situation really was, I was able to take empowered actions that left me feeling a sense of confidence and joy!
Instead of focusing my attention on my anxiety and my belief that I “didn’t know what to do next”, I instead focused on accepting my thoughts and feelings for what they were.
I accepted that I was anxious and a bit overwhelmed, and I just let myself appreciate those feelings. I also accepted that I didn’t know what to do and became okay with temporarily not knowing all the answers.
By accepting both my thoughts and feelings, I discovered a sense of power that I could now use to choose where I wanted to go next.
What I wanted was to feel energized and excited… so I thought of all the exciting and energizing possibilities and options that could help me transcend my current situation.
I wanted to know what to do next, so I did a short prayer and asked myself for guidance.
Within a matter of minutes, I was already on my way to discovering a solid path that would take me to where I needed to go.
Accept Where You’re At And You’ll Get To Where You Want To Be
How often do we ignore our life situation?
You know what I’m talking about, right?
I used to do it all the time.
Bad things come up, and we look for ways to distract ourselves.
Maybe we binge on Netflix, smoke a big joint, eat wayyy to much ice cream, or a combination of the three!
Either way, these decisions are based in avoidance, and they ultimately only make things worse.
As much as it does feel a bit uncomfortable at first, when we face the facts of our reality - it changes the reality at hand.
And guess what? It’s almost always a lot better than we thought it was.
We realize that we are capable.
That a solution is possible
And that we will thrive!
See the situation for what it is, accept it, and you will be surprised to discover that this situation...
...is there to make your life even better.
Reflection Questions:
Have you ever been in a situation that became much easier to handle once you accepted where you were at?
How could you more fully accept your life circumstances right now?
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Great perspective. It reminds me of another quote, "Don't panic, there will be plenty of time for that later." When faced with difficulties, I always try to just stop, take stock of the situation, then act. Panic only feed anxiety, and wastes energy you could be putting into fixing the problem. When something happens, don't get bogged down in why did this happen to me? Just breathe, get as much information as possible to make a good decision, and then do what you need to do to fix it. Things happen, you just have to respond to them. Only after the problem has been responded to is it actually helpful to take another look at the problem to see why it happened and what you can do to prevent it in the future.
Exactly. Remaining in a proactive state of mind even when the floor is crumbling beneath you is so important. Especially when your energy resources are vital to your success! I like how you said "get as much information" as possible. It really simplifies the process. Creates an objective goal in the moment.
Thanks for sharing @cygon!
Read "Don't Panic" and thought of Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. lol Accepting where we are is key to being able to move forward!
Very nice post. I love the phrase "Accept where you are at and you'll get to where you want to me". Excellent. Resteemed.
Acceptance is practicing mindfulness. It is being present. We get anxiety by worrying about a possible outcome that we have no control over. We can go with what is happening in this very moment; right now. We have to let it move through us. Then, as you said, we take responsibility for what it is and then move on to solutions. It is something that I have to remind myself all the time. It is better than anticipating the worst because we have no idea of the outcome yet. Great post. So very true.
Yeah exactly, something I have to remind myself about as well. It's one of those seemingly simple concepts that is so easily lost in the mix when the shit hits the fan. I've experienced it enough times where now I am finally realizing that it's just not worth it to let my mind go astray. The mind can be quite the drama queen! I'll keep that for the movies, not my life haha.
Thanks for sharing and reading @cjzachary!
So true! Our minds can get out of control like a runaway train if we let them. It's fear. Fear can be so crippling. Most of the time, it is imaginary. We conjure scenarios and outcomes because we feel out of control. It only makes things worse. We get crazy when we push against what is. You accept the current situation and then move on to a solution.
Another great post. Add usual, very thought provoking and not unlike situations I've found myself in many times. Sometimes I handled it well, sometimes I handled it badly, but I'm still here and learning from my mistakes going forward!
True that! I feel like this will always be a "thing" in some way or another - whether its a personal, relationship, or business thing - so I might as well get better at dealing with it now!
You're so much more aware of these things and how they impact your life and that's sometimes the hardest part... so I think you're doing great. I hope you have a fabulous new year!
Very true, life is much easier when we just take it in. Most of us tend to fret too much, and our worry goes through the roof. And although it's justified sometimes, it's not helpful at all. It doesn't build with us, so we must let go of all that anxiousness.
I've felt what you're describing...just accepting it and it really is peaceful. Besides, once you have a clear idea of where you are, you can determine where you go next.
I hope it all works out with the rent and all :)
Yes, it is quite a peaceful space to be in....and the contrast becomes super evident when the chaos hits and you respond differently. It's an empowering space to be in. Thanks for the kind words and wishes @honeydue!
Great and honest post! I really love the spirit behind it :)
Thank you @rawadventuress!
Fantastic self awareness and I love the results. You have a great way of dissecting psychological issues and providing an ability to study the way we think with a goal of self improvement. Another great read.
@drwillwho thank you! It helps so much to share these things in the moment. Really confirms my own convictions and principles, and starting a dialogue about the experience takes it to an entirely new level. Always appreciate your kind words!
This post very nice, i like it..thanks for sharing this post.
Thank you so much @adee!
I like it. The fact of accepting our situation and the world around us can make such a difference. I am so grateful on this text! Congratulations! :)
@axios what a great inspiration this post is for many. I know exactly how you felt and how you turned this around. I have had some pretty intense life experiences, and many times I let my overthinking create outrageous amounts of fears. The fear consumed me and I sometimes made really rash decisions, because of that. I have in the last few years chosen to take situations that pull me out of my comfort zone as an opportunity for growth and wisdom by being present in the moment. I have chosen to being an observer and take action rather than just being reactive, which leads to chaos most of the time. From what I am reading here, seems you have come to that realization also. Well done!