Unschooling suits Rebels. But what about Obligers?

As a 'rebel', unschooling my kids suits me down to the ground.
It also suited my 17 year old rebel daughter [there is NO doubting she'd fit into the rebel category] who took herself off to school at age 14!  She wouldn't do anything she thought you wanted her to do, from a very young age.  In fact, she'd do the opposite.  One of her first words was an emphatic "SELF!"  She was NOT going to do well at school.  We saved her and everyone the trauma.

Consequently, because I had to be so subtle in my approach, she thinks I 'taught her nothing'. [I'd contend that I facilitated her to teach herself everything! But to conventional thinking and her thinking that is pure neglect of duty!]  
But she ACED her self-imposed GCSEs [UK] last summer with an A* in English, which is very good for anyone, let alone a child who was unable to read for dyslexia until she was 10 at least.  Her particular strength in English was story writing.  'Stories from your mouth' were constantly demanded from very young and she generally took over because we 'told it wrong' or at very least she directed the content.  Unschooling families live, sleep and breath English in English speaking countries at least.

She also ACED maths despite never having a maths 'lesson' [but she surely got a TON of maths slotted in there whilst unschooling].  No child who was 'taught nothing' before the age of 14 goes into mainstream school and is moved to the top sets in all streamed subjects within the first term.  I feel vindicated ;-)  But in all honesty I facilitated.  She did the learning.
Because she was unschooled she spent hour upon hour, day upon day and year upon year honing her art.   She A*d that too.  Time she'd not have had if she'd been in school.  She also ACED every other subject she studied for GCSE.  She was a strongly self-directed, independent learner, they said.
I thought ALL kids would do this.  

Unschooling is powerful!  

Especially for rebels. 

Photo by Justin Luebke on Unsplash

It's gonna be powerful for Upholders too.  And Questioners are gonna do just fine.   
Obligers?  Hmmmmm...    This very last part is perhaps why I have defected lately from the unschooling camp, at least for one of my children.  
My 10 year old waits to be told what to do and doesn't know what she wants to do.  She's bored. She isn't self-directing.  But she does generally do what she is asked to do.  She will settle down [not particularly contented] to watch the entire series of "The Big Bang Theory" or a long list of other series.  Turns out she doesn't know simple [rather pointless] stuff like whether it is hotter in June than February!  Well, she doesn't most of the time know what day of the week it is, or the month, so why would she know this from observation?  This was, admittedly, a surprise to me.  How can you get to 10 and not know something like this?   She also didn't, so far, 'absorb' maths.  

Gretchen Rubin proposes, in the context of how we respond to expectations [not in all contexts] we fall into 4 basic types [ Take the quiz!] and these may impact on how we unschool ourselves. 

This 4 Tendencies work was a PROFOUND discovery for me that made wide ranging, positive improvements in my life, over night, without ANY effort on my part!  Thank goodness it took no effort as I'm definitely a 'rebel' and getting myself to apply consistent effort toward a single goal can have variable results [one end of the pole or the other always].
When I saw Rubin's video on Rebels I cried.
For the first time I felt understood & approved of and I realised how I'd treated myself.

To say you are a rebel doesn't mean you DON'T respond to external expectations.  My rebel 17 year old responded to external expectations and took herself off to school to be 'normal'.

She did and does just as I have done:
I responded to external expectations by beating myself up for being 'immature' or by doing things to the Nth degree because someone suggested I wouldn't be able to!
Because my first impulse is to rebel against anything I feel I cannot freely choose to say "no" to I've probably been told I'm 'immature', 'stubborn' and 'can't take direction or criticism' enough times in my life I started to believe it. 

I did a LOT of things purely to prove I wasn't immature, stubborn and unable to take direction!  I concealed my 'secret' that they were all 'right' about me. I "I WAS immature, stubborn and couldn't take direction or criticism."

I did a lot of things I hated mostly because I hated a lot of things I'd have loved doing if I didn't feel I HAD to do them.  

I kept expecting eventually I'd mature and adapt 'like everyone else'.
I'm guessing since you are here on Steemit a ton of you are gonna resonate with this rebel stuff!

I'd NEVER let someone else manipulate me the way I manipulated myself!
I watched that short video and I realised I wasn't immature at all and I wasn't alone.  In fact, I was just great!

I had a revelation I needed BETTER BOUNDARIES!
I thought my strong boundaries were the problem previously ... But as soon as I released myself to be a rebel and be proud and had boundaries I could say 

"So and so wants me to do this. Do I WANT to do it? Shall I?" 

In fact, I was really saying 

"So and so wants US to do this. Shall we?" 

but that sounds a little weirder than I was ready to divulge.
Then I'd say:

"Yes! Actually, we want to do that! Let's do it!" 

and I'd laugh out loud. Thankfully, I wasn't saying the Gollum-like stuff out loud!     

I'm hoping, one day, my 17 year old daughter will liberate herself from her self-coercion and love doing what she's doing.  

Meanwhile, my 10-year-old daughter Yuki is LOVING poetry:  
We watched this today, having looked at an excerpt of the poem "The Highwayman" By Alfred Noyes.  The poem is very moving and cleverly written and the animation and reading is wonderful.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryu1JZiSbHo

She also discovered a love for maths and now she is asking to do it.  

I hit upon this 'traditional' kind of schooling mostly because I need the brain challenge of trying to convey something relatively complex or relatively interesting to me or I won't be able to do it for long.  
Watch this space.  How long will it last?  If she takes the ball and runs with it it may well be quite some time.