A fictional tale of Holy Bread! Breadful puns within.

in #holybread21 days ago

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🍞 @Holybread -- which you can find at: https://www.holybread.io/ -- is the latest game to hit the blockchain! I've been playing since within the hour of its release a few days ago and have been enjoying my time so far... enjoying it enough to write a little fictional piece about it. ✍️😀📝

All screenshots in this post are courtesy of me, taken direct from the HolyBread website.

I apologise in advance for all the breadful dreadful puns embedded in this piece, and without further ado...

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Xenophile Kael, of unfortunate name yet favourable bloodline, attached a brand new quiver to her hip and tucked her father's old slingshot into her pocket. Questmaster Davis had summoned her and she would not be late --could not be late! Rumour spoke of newcomers arriving from the furthest reaches. Newcomers who were as eager as she to explore the numerous regions of the unknown world, discover vast riches and untold treasures, and fight for glory and gold in the renowned Arena of Sourdough City.

Unfamiliar voices passed beneath her window and laughed and chattered to one another, and Xen quickly lowered her head in prayer.

"O' Blessed Baguette, Holiest of the Holy Breads. Grant me the agility and luck required to best these unknown opponents and claim my birthright as the Pious Pumpernickel. My dearest father will expect no less nor will he accept such a meaningless fate if I fail."

She reverently clasped the breadcrumbs in her pocket then swung open the door and slammed it behind her.

Evidently the rumourmill had been churning more than mere gossip. The streets were filled to overflowing with people she had never seen before, all of whom were making their way to Muffin Manor where the great Questmaster resided. Some wore outlandish buckets on their heads while others seemed to have just climbed out from the bathing house, clad in mere bathrobes and slippers, yet all had weapons either dangling from their hips or slung over their shoulders.

The competition would be fierce. Where had all these people come from? How had they arrived so quickly? And more importantly: how had the Questmaster managed to send so many missives in such a fashion that everyone would arrive all at once?

There was magic afoot and therefore only one thing to do.

"I need bread and lots of it. Best visit the Baker before presenting myself," she muttered beneath her breath, sidestepping just as a bucket-head pushed past and near knocked her into the gutter.

"Hey jackarse! See you in the Arena!" she yelled after him before biting her tongue. Not that her outburst had mattered; he hadn't bothered to turn around. The bucket was probably too heavy.

The delightful scent of freshly baked bread intertwined with the delicate aroma of blueberry scones and caressed her nose. Breathing deeply, she quickly forgot the obnoxious man with the metal bucket for a hat and allowed her nostrils to guide her towards the nearest bakery. Not just any bakery, but the best bakery in Sourdough City. The Purloined Pita Bread.

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"Come in, come in," came the gruff yet jovial voice of Tony Tortilla. "Ahh, young dumpling. A pleasure. What can I do for you on this fine, magnificent morning? We have freshly baked banana bread, perfect to turn that frown upside down!"

"Hey Tony," Xen forced a smile. "Nothing fancy today, but I do require several loaves of your basic white loaf." Her eyes darted left and right, she quickly peered behind her, then shut the door and lowered her voice. "Twenty, in fact."

"Twenty!"

"Yes, good sir --twenty."

"By the Blessed Baguette! What in all that is Holy could you, a young dumpling, possibly want with--" he paused, his head whipped towards the window, and a knowing look spread over his face as he watched the masses saunter past. "Ah... I see. Tosti," he called into the room at his back. "We have another order of twenty. Get that oven going!"

Xen blinked.

"Wait, another order?"

"Oh, yes," he peered around the room then whispered, "In fact, some people have been ordering up to a thousand loaves at a time." He shrugged. "Didn't take you for one of them, though."

"My father was the Pious Pumpernickel of his time!" she bristled. "Of course I am one of them."

An uneasy look crossed Tony's face. With a shrug, he went into the backroom then emerged with a giant brown bag full of bread.

"Here you are, young dumpling. Don't eat 'em all at once." He smiled. "Or do. I could use the cash."

Taking her bag of bread and her leave, she stopped dead in the street as she realised the severity of Tony Tortilla's hushed announcement. There were people out there with thousands of bread loaves. Perhaps hundreds of thousands! Her twenty could not compare; there would not be enough to fight every possible minute in the Arena and trade for items upon items at the Armoury and hire friends to fight by her side.

"Well, I don't need friends anyway," she huffed to herself and continued towards Muffin Manor.

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Muffin Manor was aptly named. Situated atop the largest hill in the outer districts, it looked like a perfect vanilla muffin topped with whipped cream. The newcomers flowed in and out of its flowering courtyard akin to an endless trail of ants and, much to her disdain, many of them carried brown bread bags similar to hers.

Xen sighed and took her place in the line. She, too, was akin to an ant. One day she would be better than this. One day she would be renowned enough to just make her way to the Questmaster as she saw fit. One day...

"Oh, ho ho! At last, young Kael has arrived," Questmaster Davis removed his spectacles, rubbed them against the hem of his shirt, then placed them back upon his bright red nose. "I was wondering if you would come. You have some big shoes to fill. Yes you do, yes you do."

"Hello," Xen began with a smile, only to be cut off by the wave of the Questmaster's hand.

"Now, now. On to business. I have three jobs for you to choose from but you can only choose one. When you have accomplished the task you may return for your reward and another task, providing, of course, you have the stamina," He chuckled. "I see you have a bag of bread. Good, good," He sniffed. "Tony Tortilla's baked brilliance I daresay, I'd know that scent anywhere."

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Questmaster Davis cleared his throat.

"Sorry, sorry. You want to get on with it. Of course, of course," he cleared his throat again. "Dead trees."

"Dead trees?" Xen raised an eyebrow. "Uh--"

"Dead trees! You've heard what our Sourdough Scholars proclaim, I know you have. That there are treasures hidden beneath dead trees. DEAD TREES! Your wealth will be grand, tremendous, phenomenal!" he smiled. "Or maybe they're all just drunk and spouting stories. You, young Kael, will find out. Off you go."

"But. Uh. Where should I start? There are dead trees everywhere. It hasn't rained in years--"

"Off you go. Next!"

Bowing her head, Xen rubbed the breadcrumbs in her pocket for good luck and wandered towards the nearest dead tree... right at the foot of Muffin Manor. Whipping a spade from her non-slingshot pocket, she started digging into the roots.

Her fellow quest-receivers strolled into Questmaster Davis's courtyard, pointedly ignoring her as she dug and scratched in the arid dirt with a tiny hand-sized shovel, when at last...

CLUNK!

"I found something!" she shouted.

Dirt and dust flew all 'round as she wildly dug deeper and extricated a small wooden box. She could feel the envious stares of a dozen eyes burning into the back of her neck as she hugged the discovery to her chest then dropkicked it open with the force of the infamous Toast Man.

The dust cleared and she blinked. Inside the box was a small piece of paper. With shaking hands she grabbed it and unfolded it, and her initial excitement waned as the faded words mocked her.

"Nice hole you dug there, mate."

 

Until next time!


Thanks for stopping by!! 😀

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ha ha very funny ;-)) I really can't make this kind of games, but I find it very fun to read these posts !! keep on

Thanks! :) I tried to keep the humour up in this one. Was fun to write and I'm glad it was also fun to read. :D

I also think that being able to write in a fun way is a talent ... do you also write about other subjects?

I'm mostly a dark fiction writer... I found my funny-bone thanks to the five-minute #freewrite challenge here on steem, and now it's hard to be dark again. 😅

It's super interesting to see how new blockchain games emerge. I have read at least three games this week and they are all very fascinating.
I can't play because my internet is too bad and slow but I would like to ...
By the way I laughed a lot with this phrase:

"O" Blessed Baguette, Holiest of the Holy Breads

Thank you for sharing your fictional story, regards @kaelci

Haha! ~ "O' Blessed Baguette, Holiest of the Holy Breads" is my favourite phrase in the whole piece. :) It was the line that convinced me to keep writing and inserting bready puns wherever I could.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the story and it gave you a few laughs. :D

What an interesting publication, I really like this kind of games but unfortunately my Internet here in Venezuela is not stable and that hurts me. I really like the touch of humor you put in it and how you explain things, you are very special. Enjoy the game

Greetings.

Hi kaelci,

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Eeee, thank you!! :D :D

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