I give up!

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If you look up the phrase "Give up" on Duck Duck Go or Google, you will find references to the phrases "Don't Give Up" or "Never Give Up." It is in keeping with the philosophy of "If at first, you don't succeed, you should try, try again." Recently, I was asked about something that I know nothing about "Are there summer camps that a teenager could go to in Canada?" It was a loaded question because the teenager in question was the son of friends in Ukraine. I gave a few options, but there is some organization behind such camps, as is often the case. One of the most promising options was to join "Cadets." There are three types of Cadets in Canada: Sea Cadets, Air Cadets, and Army Cadets. As the last option suggests, although not part of the Ministry of Defense, these organizations receive a lot of support from the Ministry of Defense. It allows teenagers to learn about what to expect in the Armed Services without having to commit to joining. Air Cadets is particularly interesting because it allows students to learn about aviation and qualify for becoming a pilot's early requirements.

The teen's parent pointed out that one of the requirements to join was "proof of Canadian citizenship or permanent immigrant status." This is quite reasonable to reject that as an option, except the parent didn't read the next section.

NOTE: A legal resident of Canada is a Canadian citizen, a landed immigrant, or the dependent of a person who is lawfully resident in Canada...

Implicit in my giving options to support the teen, I described how I was willing to pick him up at the airport, ensure he had a place to stay, food to eat, and act "in loco parentis" while he was here. If he could qualify for a student visa, I would take care of him until he reached 18, at which point he could decide on whether to return to Ukraine or continue in Canada.

I am one of the ones who say, "If at first, you don't succeed, you should try, try again." For some reason, I am surrounded by people who say, "Don't Try!" Worse, I am surrounded by people who blame me for things out of my control. I might tell people where to look for resources to immigrate to Canada, but don't ask me to help. I once attempted to assist someone in getting a visitor's visa (next to impossible in many cases), and the immigration board rejected the person. The visitor decided it was my fault!!! This rejection happened seven years ago, and the person recently contacted me to find the date that the attempt was made. Fortunately, because of the type of person I am, I still had the documentation, including the copies of letters of invitation, the planned itinerary, their police check, their financial records, their ownership of their apartment, and the birthdates of their parents and child. Everything the Canadian government asked for but still declined for no discernible reason.

Needless to say, I've given up on helping people, even visiting Canada.

What about helping people with computer issues. Despite once owning two computer stores and being an Epson Certified Hardware Specialist, I don't look at hardware anymore. Being Epson Certified meant that I was "factory-trained," making my stores certified repair depots (I sent all my technicians to take the same courses). I don't help anyone anymore (and I am reminded when I make an exception). It is a thankless endeavour. I have to prove my recommendations, which usually means pointing people to Youtube videos that say basically what I just said. For my descendants, a hundred years from now, the first technical support call I had to do with a company calling up and saying they couldn't print from Lotus 123 (a spreadsheet program, rows and columns of numbers and formulas used to make calculations - how I wish I knew what you would be using in the future!). I started with some basic questions, including the "is it turned on?" question. Of course, they were indignant. After quickly stepping through the troubleshooting options, I drove over to the company to find out the problem. Of course, the printer wasn't plugged into the wall socket (i.e. no electricity).

Needless to say, I've given up on helping people with any computer problems.

What about relationships? Everyone seems to be captivated by a particular defamation case right now. It is the case of Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard. I won't go into the details, but it highlights the problems with relationships now. Men are most often portrayed as abusive.

The following quotation shows the presumed rate of abuse:

It's generally a recurring issue. That, therefore, means about 25% of men are willing to sexually abuse a child. So to me those are the "worst of the worst" - and it's not even including men who rape adult women. Or men who beat their kids or beat their wives.
Presumption of Abusive Men

These figures show the actual investigated rate of intimate partner violence (IPV):

• Overall, 25.3% of individuals have perpetrated IPV

• Rates of female-perpetrated violence higher than male-perpetrated (28.3% vs. 21.6%)
  Among large population samples,

• 57.9% of IPV reported was bi-directional,

• 42% unidirectional;

  • 13.8% of the unidirectional violence was male to female (MFPV),
  • 28.3% was female to male (FMPV)

• None of the studies reported that anger/retaliation was significantly more of a motive for men than women's violence; instead, two papers indicated that anger was more likely to be a motive for women's violence as compared to men.

• 80% of individuals have perpetrated emotional abuse
  Emotional abuse categorized as either expressive (in response to a provocation) or coercive (intended to monitor, control and/or threaten)

• Across studies, 40% of women and 32% of men reported expressive abuse;

• 41% of women and 43% of men reported coercive abuse

Aside from the justifiable parental swatting, I received as a child, the first time a girl hit me was in seventh grade. It might have been less than an age-appropriate form of attention-seeking behaviour. Since most of the women I have had a relationship with have hit me, perhaps I am more than an average frustrating person, or most women will resort to female-perpetrated violence.

Needless to say, since I tend to be hit rather than hit on, I've given up on pursuing relationships.