How not amazing a Paranoia with hallucinations are because you will go full loco quite that far
This is just the continuation of my post yesterday when I was with my mother as we have some rare conversations. We do not hang around much with each other in this house because I rarely go out from my room considering that the only decent person to converse with in this house is my mother while for my father we just always talk less and never really like the way that my mother and I communicates because of the effect of being estranged from him and vise versa for the reason that when we are just growing up he is not always around because he is busy working abroad as a heavy-duty equipment mechanic for the span of around ten years. That is why me and my other siblings never get the chance to get close to my father compared to my mother. Anyway, one reason that I happen to converse with my mother for a while is because I wanted to inquire if she remembered during our "escape" from the hospital some details about the lady security head as I remembered which I had a conversation with and basically tries to calm me down for saying that the hospital is trying to "kill" me during my state of paranoia during that instance. So what I saw is this really attractive lady with a tight-fitting uniform as the "head" of the security of the hospital with specifically an "iPhone 15" placed on her waist. I am trying to make my mother to recall what is the description of that lady if my mother can recall it because it is just really weird. I am particularly checking-out if really that security officer has an "iPhone 15" placed on her waist in-front of her left pocket. My mother couldn't recall it because she is was a bit away from me at that point when the security guards had stopped us from getting away to escape the hospital because of my raging temporary Paranoia which again was caused by a mix of stresses before and after my surgery and the side-effect of the I.V. anesthesia which the anesthesiologist had given me.
Actually after getting home I can still recall most of the events including that scene from the lobby particularly when the head of the hospital security was talking to me where her supposed "iPhone" in my perspective could be just a radio because as she was investigating me about what I feel during that instance which are actually questions regarding symptoms of Schizophrenia/Paranoia. I tried to answer the questions regarding where I am, what time is it from that moment, and all that. So with the question about time she looked down at the "top of her "iPhone" to check the time. That is why I want my mother to recall if that security officer really has an "iPhone 15" placed on her waist because it really doesn't make sense to place your Smartphone in the first place on your waist like a 2-way radio neither that any iPhone has a screen on top of it. So when I had asked my mother, she can only recall a doctor talking to me as well as the two nurses which the guards called which talked to us initially before that "head of the security" appeared. Now I am just describing how Paranoia works on human brain but what really put sand on the wound was visual and and mostly auditory hallucinations I experienced during that long hours of being in a disturbed state of mind particularly when I was hearing that the security guards are laughing at me, mocking me, saying bad things at me as I mentioned from my last post before this one. All my suspicions are to almost all people from the hospital including the patients wanting to hold me at that hospital and torture me for a long time but again it is all in my head only.
After a while the "head of the security" noticed that the catheter in my neck is bleeding although it is securely well-sealed. I told them it doesn't matter because I really do not give a "f" anymore. But she insisted that I must go back in my bed at my place in the ward so that it can be cleaned. I was refusing all the way because I am still deeply afraid that they will going to put me back in the "killing room". In my place at the ward the "head of the security" called a doctor for a favor to fix my bleeding catheter and so my catheter was cleaned anyway and still I was hearing voices particularly coming from the nurses just at the back of the curtain of my wall-less room which is actually divided only by curtains. Their conversations from the nurses station just in front of my bed further agitated me I pointed them out to the lady which also reprimanded them although I am sure now that the nurses are just talking to each other and not about me. Still I am in the middle of my paranoid and hallucination state and after the other two nurses which now I think was head nurses of that ward told me that I will have to undergo dialysis as they now suspected that my creatinine level was high, i just refused as I believe at that time that gain, they will just kill me there. All the while my mother was crying and begging me to undergo dialysis but I am refusing because of my high level of fear brought about by the anesthesia side-effect and maybe a combination of high creatinine levels although I am more inclined that it was the anesthesia which caused me to have both visual and auditory hallucinations and my Paranoid state of mind.
After we reached the treatment area they just have to restrain me until I was lifted to the comfortable chair where they tied my legs and feet after my effort to kill myself by pulling out my catheter. All the while I was begging the security guards even one of the relatives of the patient which just ignored me to call the police because I want to escape from what I believed to be a "hell hole" for me. The guards as I believe had managed to mount me to the chair where initially I was able to pull-out some parts of the catheter "I think" but because the cover of my Catheter was really a strong plastic material with a very sticky adhesive (I forgot what it is called) I was not able to pull it in my hope that my blood would spill-out uncontrollably if I was successful to pull it out. But they managed to restrain my arm ad then the attending nurse said that I was to be calmed down by infusing a tranquilizer via the Catheter route. Afterwards I began to feel relaxed and drowsy until I calmed down and then got dialyzed afterwards. Prior to being sent to the dialysis treatment area, my mother called my eldest brother to tell him what was going on and they arrived there with my sister-in-law which fetched my mother where my eldest brother replaced her from that point because the hospital is not allowing seniors to basically go to the hospital premises anymore much less be as a guardian to a patient gone "loco" and I really felt sorry for my mother for causing that unusual trouble but I myself also was not aware what really is going through me head where I was so mentally disturbed that I have no more clue what is true and not true anymore. My dialysis session from that instance helped a lot but still my paranoia and hallucinations are still at play until it just faded-away after a few days until I was able to get back home thanks to my sister too which pressure the nurses in expediting the process of my hospital discharge to finally come home.
Upvoted! Thank you for supporting witness @jswit.