Open Happiness (Week 3): Touching lives through Selfless Giving!
Introduction
Its a pleasure to welcome you friends to our Open Happiness post for this week. Open happiness is all about giving selflessly and touching the lives of others through acts of kindness. Whatever you can do to better the life of your friend would be appreciated. Remember, change begins with you and. If you want to learn more about this program, Pls click here.
Open Talk
For our Open talk tonight, we are going to discuss a subject that has divided and united many families. We are going to sample the opinions of our community members and try to see their perspective. Then we can learn something that can make our lives better and avoid the mistakes that have caused disaster in other places.
For the open talk to start, the sponsor will make the first comment on this post and raise the topic for discussion. Then members of the community can join the discussion and free express their opinions on the subject matter for 30 minutes.
As a participant, what do you need to do?
- Wait for the Host to start the discussion.
- Respond to as many persons as you can.
- Always refresh your page to see new comments
- Be creative, relate personal experiences, ask questions, avoid short comments.
- Make it fun too
@focusnow would be the hosts tonight.
Conclusion
Open Happiness is just like any other ideas or projects done by SteemAlive. Although we cannot predict the future, we are really optimistic that this project will change you and bring out the kindness in you. More important, we hope to make permanent impressions in the lives of fellow members in SteemAlive community.
We thank @steemcurator01 for always supporting our projects. To you our valued member, we thank you for supporting SteemAlive community. Together, we can rewrite history. Together we can touch lives through selfless giving. Let us Open Happiness!!! Together we can!!!!
Written by: @focusnow
For: @steemalive
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For me before I will get married my wife in question will have to stay with my parents for little time, reason been that
My parents has to decide weda she is fit and good for the benefit of the entire family, not tomorrow, Love Love Love you end up bringing someone that will ruine the good name of your family.
To answer your question straight boss @focusnow I think *yes
Reason been that the man's parents need a total acessment regarding the character of the girl.
why I will commend it
it will limit the girls going out and coming in. If she realizes that she is staying with her husbands parents trust me she will comport herself.
if she has the spirit of cheating it will be minimized and she will have to repent and even give her life to #christ.
it will make the girl to know and become conversant with her husbands siblings.
Any observation to someone that did it
Yes my elder brother when he got married he has already built his own personal house but he brought his wife to come stay in our family house, we really kept a close eye on her. Women of nowerdays are really something else.
@kingcent i think getting married means you have acknowledge the you are now a man. But you do and still let you parents to make the decision of wether she is good enough for you will only mean you are not ready. As am man you need to make you own decisions.
Rmemeber what is common in life is change, the woman might change tomorrow, so you need many heads to oversee things that ordinary you can't comprehend.
I really appreciate your point of view and I must say we can't really agree on this topic because we have different experiences. It may work out good for some people but not everybody.
But I also want to add this it's not proper for you to subject the woman to the family acceptability.
Once you made up your mind on who you want to spend your whole life with, the family should have accepted her, so what's the point of her living for a couple of months in the family house because being certified as someone that won't spoil the family's name except it's like a ritual
Don't you think staying with the family will make her know more about your family members and perhaps limit some negative things she must have had the intensivity of doing.
Remember no love last you see couples ooh they love themselves like mad but in the end they break up
Hahahahahahahahaha. This are really some point. The part that says that women of nowadays are something else is really funny. But do you think that staying with the family will not cause any personal problems?
Hahahahaha trust me boss it won't instead it will shape the woman in such a way that she won't misbehave. If too many eyes are looking up to you, trust me you will amend your ways
For me my parents comes First
If the wife has any bad character, staying with her husbands parents doesn't solve it. She may pretend when she's in their midst but secrets never stay hidden.
Trust me the woman can't pretend forever, see my point staying with you imagine the woman has bad character when you guys where dating she will pretend but if she stays with your parents that bad attitude won't be hidden it will be expose.
Remember if you marry someone you marry the family. Family first.
Will she stay with the groom's parents forever? Some people are great actors
Goodevening friends, hope your weekend was great. Welcome to Open talk for tonight.
Here is our question/topic:
According to you, is it proper for a newly wed man to take his wife to the Parents home to live together with them?
Why would you recommed or not recommend it? Any personal experiences, or observations from what happened to others that did it? Lets hear you out.
Good evening Sire
How are you doing?
So, concerning this issue of whether or not a married man should take his wife to his parent's house.
I would not recommend such because they need their privacy. Taking his wife to his house would make her vulnerable and there would be lots of third parties in their family.
I'm not married but I believe marriage is between a man and his wife. Besides they need to raise their children outside of where their father was raised.
I have witnessed cases where a man married his wife into his parents house. The mother in law either loses her respect or the wife. Respect can be earned from a far.
Really, that point is interesting. So going by this, if you loved the man so much and the prevailing circumstances (for example he lost his job few months to the wedding) demand that you start from the parents home, what will you do?
Well sir @focusnow
I will support him to get a house, after all I'm his helpmate and I love him.
I agree with you @ebunoluwani
Peace and Respect is better from afar most times.
Truly it is. There can be occasional visits but it shouldn't be our abode.
@samuel20
Good evening sire
Nice topic😁
Do I have any right to talk ?? This is probably for the grown ups?🌚😅
Welcome @mesonia, how are you today?
I'm good sire, you?
Am cool. very fine. Waiting for your opinion of the above issue
Haha, you are of marriageable age dear. So make your input
Good evening @mesonia, how you doing
Anyway, it's not wrong for a newlywed ride to visit her new home after the wedding day but staying there for a long time... I don't like it
Why would you not like it for them to live together with the family, in the family house?
The man with his wife is a family and need some measure of privacy and independence.
Mother in-law can be something else, they mistake couple's love life to weak points.
They count on every step the new wife takes.
They find all faults which your husband ignores. Some times they misquote husband's patience and understanding as an override from the wife
@focusnow, even if one has a lovely mother inlaw it father in-law, the new couple deserves some privacy and respect.
Uto na aka mma na mbiarute, Igbo oroverbs
You have made a very nice point. Thank you so much.
Nice topic but can this happened
It happens. There are different opinions about the matter. So we want to hear you out.
Yes it happens. I've witnessed this before
Yes it can happen but I pray that it can not happen to me
Good evening sir, after wedding I have to take my wife to my house not my parent house.
Why will you not manage in your parents house. there must be a reason.
For me to have mine respect, I can't take my wife to my parents house.
For me to have mine
Respect, I can't take my wife
To my parents house.
- val123
I'm a bot. I detect haiku.
Ok. Apart from respect, do you think any problem will come out from it?
Yes sir, problem might come out base on when the disrespect you that your family members we be talking to you any how the like
On point
Why will a grown man that feels he is capable of taking care of a woman go and manage in his parent's house...
Nice question. So are you advising ladies to turn down a man who has that as his only option during the proposal? What will you do?
Seriously, in life, there are stages and a man that can not afford a house shouldnt think of marriage, i wouldnt advise any lady to accept such proposal. Cos even the bible said it, "a man must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they will become one" Not join to his wife and go back to his father and mother's house.
Honestly, I think if you aren't living independently, marriage shouldn't even come to your mind
Exactly. Because there are some other issues that will arise, how does the man want to sort that out..
Exactly my point
It didn't even sound okay in hearing
Really? Do you know that some can have serious challenges that require staying with a parent as the last option. For example, the man lost his job and the woman does not have a job. What do you think?
Seriously, this can not be an excuse, a man needs to have plans A and B if possible to Z...going back to your father's house shouldnt be an option.
We have to stay for a mean time and also the we have to endure any disrespect although there are some family that understand
Lol...seriously.
This is the real question at hand
I don't recommend a newly wedded couple times to go back to the man's family house. It doesn't look/sound good at all.
The couple will not have their respect.
It also shows the guy is not matured enough to get married.
Really? Apart from not being mature, are there other reasons you do not recommend that. Any challenges that may arise?
The newly wedded wife will not be free in the own home.
She will always be careful not to offend anyone.
Things wouldn't just be normal.
Nice topic sir.
My opinion from observations
Is not good for a newly wedded man to take his wife to the village to live with his parents.
Reason:
It is better for the wife to visit once awhile
Really? You have a point there. Apart from this, are there any other reasons?
Good evening @focusnow. This is an interesting topic.
Well for me i dont think it is proper for a newly wed man to take his wife to his parents house to live together with them with my following reasons:
*At that stage the newly wedded needs space and time to really mingle and know them selves better without interference from anyone especially relatives.
*Some parents especially from the groom side would want to be in control of what happens in the marriage thereby intruding.
*Most times respect is lost, both from the married wife and from the parents
I dont have a personal experience but i have had friends who are married discuss this matter and it didnt end well..
Really? So going by this, its a bad idea. What if that is the only thing the proposing guy has, should a lady reject it because of that alone?
Yes its a bad idea. A man should be ready for marriage before getting into it o.
But lets say thats the only option then they should tread with caution
Sir the thing is our culture looks at any man that takes his wife to live with his parents as one who is not responsible
Even the scripture does not even support a man living with his parents after marriage. The scripture says "Therfore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife"
Oh I see. culturally and scripturally its wrong. Thats nice. Now what if something happened (maybe the man lost his job) and that is the only option. Will you say no to the man you love because of that reason?
Sir is not the question here. Anyways if such circumstance should occur i would prefer to stay with a friend closeby and sort things out. There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Going to the parents house will be the last option if need be
Is not good at all for the man to even take his wife to live with parents even if is the only child or only son.
The wife cannot make decisions on her own which is very important to newly married couples
Good evening boss @focusnow, it's a great work keeping this community together and lively. W
Whats you view of the above topic
@focusnow, thanks for this beautiful question and for anchoring this week's open happiness.
Thank you @talktofaith. So happy to have you around. I cant wait to read what you think about the topic
Hello my amiable host @focusnow, thank you for this timely topic.
Actually, taking a newly Wed wife to a parents house all depends on the customer and traditions of a country or town or village.
In the olden days, the custom of my village is that, when you marry a new wife, you must first of all keep her with your parents for training. And this customer is based on the premise that the wife was married on recommendations and the girl, supposedly very young, needs more training.
Another factor that can determine that a newly Wed wife be taken to the parent is if the parents have a family house of which the husband has an appartment that 8s conducive for them to stay in. Or perhaps, the economic condition of the man did not make it possible at the moment to rent an apartment or have his own house.
But often times, taking a newly Wed wife to a parents house results in rife among them.
I personally do not recommend that. If one is capable of marriage, I think one of the pre-requisites is for the man to provide shelter for the wife. The wife should have a home of her own to build and enjoy her married life.
I have not had such experience anyway but I have seen some married ladies complain about their parents in-laws.
And the parents in-laws complaining about their daughters in-laws.
Thank you
Your points were nicely made and they look sound. So if prevailing circumstances demand that the couple have to stay with the parents until things improve, will you recommend the lady to continue, or simply end it?
Sure, I will. Marriage is for better for worse, whether good or bad and since it is situation that leads to that and it is just temporary, I will subscribe to that. It all now depends on the wife and the parents to try and apply Bible principles to keep putting up with one another. This is because problems must arise. So they have to endure
Woaw an interesting topic tonight, greetings friends how we all doing. Thank you @focusnow for hosting this event tonight.
Concerning the topic, first i will say a lot families in Africa differ in many ways and as a result their levels of understanding, perception and values also align differently too. For me i will say a guy with a good vision and value won't be married and still get to stay in his parents home. As a married couple you need to build a world of your own, seek new ways of facing marital challenges.
The few persons i have known who got married and still live in their parents homes complaint of huge levels of over dependence on them, over interventions in their personal marital issues by family members and so on.
For me, if you are married you should not stay in your parents house
Exactly, it is that complain that ruins marriages. It 8s better they just stay on their oen
Sure. it makes sense.
Simply put, it's not a good idea in this present day to do such a thing.
Every family is unique and living with the family of the man will not make the new marriage to have the desired result.
Over the years, the man has been groomed likewise the woman, both of them have acquired enough knowledge to start a family of their own. Living in the family house or close proximity is not even encouraged. There would be too much influences on the new home,too much advises, unsolicited help, unnecessary visits, etc.
The best thing is for the new home to form the basis of how they want there marriage to be like on their own. Let them live atleast not too close to the family, let the man leave his parents and build its own house.
Your points were nicely made and they look reasonable. What if something happened very close to the wedding time and the only option is to stay in the family house. Is it advisable under those prevailing circumstances?
Then it will be so clear but even with that, the marriage won't function efficiently as it supposed to be. Just let the new marriage be
I don't think it's proper for a man to take his newly wedded wife to the parents home to live together, because the newly wedded couple needs needs some privacy and time to spend together with each. The parents might may intruding in the couples privacy. Again there is always conflict of loyalties , sometimes the man might be struggling to please his parents and at the time his wife. In the long run he have to choose only one person v, because you cannot slave for two masters, and if the man chooses to obey his parents over his wife, the wife will feel marginalized. If the man listen to his wife , the parents will think the is controlling him
It is solely dependednt 8n the culture. In our environment, it is definitely not wise and encouraged. Newly weds needs time off to be alone and get to know each other better without interference from anybody. If possible the idea of living with a younger brother or anyother family relative should be ruled out.
However, there might be extenuating factors that will mean this is done, first, whatnos the family culture of the person you are marrying? Do they like staying together in particular housee, etc?
well said points have already been made by most of us, but in my own opinion I think it will be better they live away from home free from the interruption of relatives, since the two are getting to know each other more deeper adequate time is needed for the two together alone, in most cases where the man lived with his parents after marriage it usually give rise to misunderstanding between the wife ant the mother in-law, so in my opinion it's best to live away from home.
I only hope we will all learn something from this topic. Some marriages has scattered because of this
This is an interesting topic. I personally dont support married couples living in the man's or woman's parents home. Familiarity breeds contempt. Also privacy is needed as the couple just begin their married life together.
Hi Uncle @focusnow you really made this steemalive so lively
Thank you and welcome, how are you doing today. Lets see your opinion on the above issue.
Good evening house......My point
Welcome boss. We want to hear from you
Why is everyone saying it's not good?
Honestly, it depends on the preference of the couple ....what works for you , might not work for others ooh
Personally, I won't say it's right.... neither is it wrong
But speaking from a sister in law's perspective, I think it's not wrong
🌹 Famiriality (if I got the spelling 🌚) isn't bad....it bonds
🌹 The family can be able to render assistance when needed
🌹 Family....shebi she's married "into" the family nu
My humble thoughts and opinion
@focusnow @ngoenyi @talktofaith
@mesonia
It's good to see you have looked at this from a different perspective but don't you think their will be clash of interest. Misunderstanding sets in, disrespect and bitterness. It's might hurt the marriage.
@ebunoluwani it depends on the family
It depends on the newly Weds
It depends on the circumstances
It just depends....that is why I said, do what works for you!
@mesonia
I respect your opinion 👍
Hahahahahaha. Your points are really great. The laughter is because of the way you are saying it. Do you think any challenges will arise as a result of living together?
🌚🌚😅
I do not know of any relationship that gets strong without going through a challenge 🌝
@mesonia do you agree with me that getting married and staying at your parents home automatically creates a complex family environment for you
@njiatanga I do not agree with anything or anyone.....🤐🤐
😅😅😅
Exactly sir @njiatanga
Complexities arises... I'm mean we are humans. There will be one day one will be in their way and shit will hit the fan
Lol
Anyway it depends on someone's choice, but for me, it's a no no.
Location:Ondo state. Time:8:32. Date:8:34pm. Good evening guys,according to the question,it is not advicable for a new wedded couple to be leaving in in laws house,cause there wont be respect ,if the wife does anything they will complain,the wife will not be free,and they will turn the wife to slave,that is when the will give her rules and regulation,that when u wake up in the morning u must first come and greet them,cook,wash their cloths,etc another one is that ,they will be talking to her any how ,any thing she wants to do she must tell them or show them. the parents of the lady wont be able to visit her anytime,they will say it is an insult that they want to come and spy.there are many challenges ooooo
I don't think it's very cool for a man to take return to his parents house after wedding.
This is because the first few days,weeks and months of marriage requires total privacy between the new couples.Staying with the parents may NOT afford them such privacy.
Secondly,women are most times domineering.The new wife would like a situation where it's a if she owns the whole apartment and as such wouldn't like any interference from her parents-inlaw.
I agree with you. Agreeable the originator of marriage says that, that is why Alan will leave his mother and father and stick to his wife. So they should stick to their house unless circumstances beyond their control permits that
Most definitely @ngoenyi that's how it should be so that parents-inlaw won't interfere with their love life and decision.
Thank you for this contribution. It settles my matter. Lol
Haha, really? What could the matter be?
The topic. Taking my wife to stay with my parents. I know who my mother is and the type of women I like. Lol
@focusnow, nice question. My option is its not reasonable for a man to marry a woman and then go back to live in his parent's house, it just tells that that man is not grown yet to take care of a woman because his parents will still make decisions for him and also invade in their privacy, so if i am the woman, i will never allow that. I can only visit but stay there with them...nahhhhh
See eh ....let's just be real here
It's not wrong to still be in your father's house after marriage....it's not!!!
It just depends on what works for you... sometimes, being in your parents house serves as a shield...from what? Don't ask me godu🌚
I feel like the only valid reason to not stay in your parents house after wedding....is for intimacy and to get to know each other more
What reason do you have that you do not want to stay in the family house of your husband? Then , don't get in the family nah
However, the fact remains that....
If it works for you, it's not wrong
If it doesn't, there's nothing wrong too
Basically 🌚🌹✨
Lol...from what oooo.... I have ask.
Well, you are trying to be neutral here... You even said it, to get to know each other, is that not enough reason?
@mesonia
Hahahahaha
Let's forget about the husband and wife's intimacy right now.
What if the wife is not comfortable?
Good evening.
This is indeed an interesting topic and I appreciate you for that.
Is not advisable for a newly wedded man to take his wife to stay with his parents,
Reasons
The parents of the man will start seeing the flaws or the imperfect side of the lady.
Some parents have the attitude of showing authority in their children's house, making it look as if the lady is just a visitor
Privacy: women love privacy and as such won't even allow relatives to come between them and their husbands
Sometimes there use to be competitions between the lady and some relatives especially if the man has grown up sister in or almost at the same age with is wife.
Sometimes mother in-laws makes it look as if the lady is a bad cook by always wanting their son to eat their food.
I rest my case
A good women will have the Ability to Accept anyone the husbands siblings and treat them just like her own people,
In my opinion, it isn't proper for a newly wed man to take his wife to the parents home to live together with them. First of all, the couple needs their privacy, and there's no privacy when you are still under the roof of the man's parents.
Secondly, there may be a misunderstanding (serious argument is the right word) between the bride and the mother-in-law. This in particular can tear the family apart. The man will be caught in the middle of all the drama.
But why would a newly married man still be under his parents' roof?
You guys talk as if the both couples will reside inside the grooms mothers room. For example if your dad has 15 bedroom flat you have a wife is it cool for you to go rent a 3bedroom flat outside??
It's just a common sense
My brother @kingcent, while I appreciate the fact that your idea will save cost but I think even if your father duplex or mansion it's better to live a distance away from your parents and care for your own family, if your father have another house that is not the exact house that he lives in you can move in to the apartment, if there are 10 marriages that the couples live together with there parents 9 among them are affected negatively is just a tree to maintain that initial peace with it wife and mother, in-law since most mother-inlaws expect perfection from there daughter in law and when there expectations are not met with they get irritated and that often give rise to problems at home.
Exactly my point @kingcent
Every marrige and every couple is soppose to live private so that they will be respect and having a successful marriage.
I feel as a man,you should consider your wife too and not just yourself . You need to seek her opinion as well cause she matters too @kingcent