DIVORCE

Divorce Meaning:

The legal dissolve of one’s marriage with (someone)
The legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body
Separate or dissociate (something) from something else, typically with
an undesirable effect.
Cause of Divorce:
• Money
• Lack of intimacy
• Infidelity
• Abuse
• Lack of compatibility
• Undesirable physical appearance
• Addiction
• Getting married at an early age
• Getting married for the wrong reason
• Lack of communication
• Lack of equality and loss of identity

MONEY

Money issues in a marriage are a very serious problem that needs to be
addressed. The reason behind so many Divorce cases in the world is the
problem of money amongst couples. This has broken so many homes
and kept families away from each other.

• Financial Peaks or Valleys: So many couples find it difficult
to manage the changes in their financial levels. When there is a
financial boom, on the side of one of the spouses, behavior usually
changes towards the other and it can be negative or sometimes positive.
Some changes happen when there is a financial valley, this is when one
of the spouses may lose his/her source of income. Marriages seem to do
better when incomes are stable, extreme highs or lows in incomes are
proven to be devastating to a marriage.

• Financial Odd Couple: (Spenders VS Savers) Most couples have
divorced because of cases where one spends money while the other saves
money. The fears of future financial breakdown will break their home
when the spender does not curb his/her spending habits.

• Control: Most often in marriages, the major wage earner (man
or woman) attempts to have total control over the family income. This
control often kills the trust among the couple and the funny part of this
is that the major wage earner usually writes a cheque to the lower or
non-wage earner during a divorce process who then spends that money
however, they choose.

• Value for Money: Many couples have different values or use for
money. One of the spouses will want to impose on how money should
be used against the wish of the other. For instance, couples may fight
over the same sum of money on whether their child should travel abroad
or study at home. Such fights always end up bringing conflicts at home.

LACK OF INTIMACY

Intimacy in this context is known as the close, familiar and unique bond
existing between a couple both physically and emotionally.
Intimacy is a very vital and important part of a successful and healthy
marriage. Lack of intimacy amongst couples leads to a problem
especially if it was once an important role in the relationship or if one of
the partners is more intimate.

Intimacy pertains to the close connected feeling partners build with one
another over time and the physical and emotional bond that is achieved
in healthy relationships. Sex and intimacy are crucial for sustaining a
healthy marriage and the effects of lack of sex in a marriage can wreak
havoc on the relationship thereby leading to a divorce.

INFIDELITY (CHEATING/ ADULTERY)

Infidelity is a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract
regarding emotional and /or sexual exclusivity. Nothing kills a
marriage or breaks home-like infidelity. Infidelity brings pain and
betrayal amongst couples. Cheating undermines the trust upon which
the relationship is built and, in most cases, couples find it hard to heal
from the wounds of infidelity. We will see here, the reason most
divorce cases are caused by infidelity.

• Trust Dies in The Relationship: Infidelity kills the trust that
existed amongst couples. The revelation of an affair turns your spouse's
perception of you, your most trusted, your confidant, and your loving partner
now a stranger. You hardly believe if your partner’s words are true. Trust
is the very first casualty of infidelity which use to be the cornerstone of
a healthy marriage. When the trust is already broken due to infidelity,
unless the trust can be rebuilt, the marriage has no hope.

• Anger Set In: Anger is one of the more destructive emotions you
will be working through. The Faithfull spouse will always develop anger
toward the infidel spouse and the person with whom he/she cheated
with. In all these stages, if anger is not well managed and addressed to
save the marriage, the future of the marriage becomes questionable.

ABUSE

Of course, spousal abuse affects the marriage and may lead to divorce.
Abuse breaks the emotional spirit of the abused spouse. It is hard to
control your anger toward your spouse for abusing you.

Each time you physically or emotionally abuse your spouse, he/she feels
ashamed for being abused and wonder why he/she should put up with
the relationship any longer. Studies show that violence occurs at least
once in two-thirds of all marriages and approximately 95% of the victim
of domestic violence are women. This factor has caused so many
marriages to tear apart.

LACK OF COMPATIBILITY

Compatibility has to do with how people or things get along. Married
couples should by all cost try to undying be tolerant to one another in
several ways.

Couples who always argue, don’t accept corrections, and refuse to listen
and be tolerant with one another will hardly find it easy relating with
one another. This is a technical issue that must be tackled in life with
care. It's normal for some couples to find out that they are not relating
well with one another. Couples who prove to be incompatible will
possibly lack a future together and the only way the marriage can
survive is for the couples to undergo serious counseling and prayer
sessions.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Human physical appearance is the outward phenotype or looks of
human beings. Many marriages are broken today due to a change in
the physical appearance of their spouse. For instance, when one spouse loses
a lot of weight or on the other hand gains too much weight, it can cause
an adverse change in a relationship. This is because the original traits
that attracted the other spouse no longer exist. These changes in physical
appearance can affect your level of intimacy, bring down one's
self-esteem and make them uncomfortable. Married couples have to
work seriously on their physical appearance or learn to be more
tolerant with one another as marriage comes with childbirth and stress
and people are bound to change. It is worth noting that change is the
only constant thing in life.

ADDICTIONS

One spouse addiction can place an unrepeatable strain on any marriage.
When one spouse has an addiction, whether it’s a problem with alcohol,
drugs, gambling, sex, or anything else, the other spouse really suffers
from such acts. Addiction kills marriages or breaks couples in the
following ways:

• Loss Of Trust In The Marriage
Addiction can cause a spouse to be a pathological liar. A spouse can lie
about the severity of their addiction and how much money they spend
to pay for them. The addicted spouse always brings up stories to back
up the change in behavior, reckless spending, and broken promises.
Over time dishonesty set in the marriage and breaks the foundation of
trust which is necessary for any relationship. For instance, a spouse who
is addicted to sex might cheat on their partner or be unfaithful which is
another breach of trust.

• Financial Burdens
Most often, the spouse with addiction may spend too much money,
waste savings, incur debt, and even go to the extent of selling a property
to pay for their habits. Some addicted spouse may lose their job because
of their habits; others commit a crime such as theft, which will cause the
partner to spend money in order to free them. The financial
consequences of addiction are a huge danger for the future of a
marriage.

• Emotional Distress And Abuse
The daily life of being married to an addict or alcoholic can be
spiritually demoralizing breaking the spouse’s emotions. Most addicts
are like mentally ill persons and their spouse may feel overwhelmed by
the pressure of caring for their partner. For instance, when alcoholism
corrupts a marriage most often one of the spouses becomes a victim of
abuse.

GETTING MARRIED AT AN EARLY AGE

Couples who get married so young let’s say in their 20s are risky. Most
under 25’s who wed or live together with their partner are more likely to
separate. The reason is that the part of our brain that controls our ability
to reconceive over things, level of reactiveness and not to engage in risky
behavior is not fully developed for most people under the ages of 25. In
Africa for instance, the primary reason for the high rate of early
marriages is the lack of access to education, economic opportunities,
and health services. Young girls become victims due to poverty.
Furthermore, couples below the ages of 25 cannot withstand the
pressure that comes along with the marriage institution.
Nowadays with the evolution of social media, most young couples are
so much attached to their cell phones than their spouses. Through these
social media platforms, spouses get connected to their ex-girlfriend or
ex-boyfriend who later engages in conversations and acts which end
up destroying or breaking their homes. Early marriages are very
dangerous as the victims end up being the children and these children
most likely end up with absent fathers.

GETTING MARRY FOR THE WRONG REASON

So many marriages end up in a divorce today because couples get
married for the wrong reason. Some of the very terrible reasons to get
married are:

• To Solve Your Relationship Problems:
Most persons get married thinking marriage will be a solution to their
relationship problems. If couples already have problems in their
relationships being it communication or any other problems,
committing to one another through married will only amplify the
problems. If there is no respect in a relationship, they won’t be gained it
by getting married.

• The Fear of Being Alone.
At a certain point in life, most people fear being alone, such people are
not always happy with themselves. This category of people thinks they
need someone in their lives to make them happy. They then get into a
marriage with someone not because of love but because they think the
person can make them happy but in the long run this person then turns
to be terrible for them. The truth here is no one is going to be happy
being with you if you can’t be happy being by yourself.

• To Prove Something:
Pressure from parents. Some of our parents keep reminding us it’s time
to get married, age is no longer on your side, all your mates are married, etc. Some people marry because their friends are all married, and he/she
wants to prove I cannot be left out. Others marry out of material motives
just to prove superiority amongst friends.
Whatever the case may be, getting married to prove something to
someone or to yourself is a very terrible reason to get married.

• The Fear of Being Alone.
At a certain point in life, most people fear being alone, such people are
not always happy with themselves. This category of people thinks they
need someone in their lives to make them happy. They then get into a
marriage with someone not because of love but because they think the
person can make them happy but in the long run this person then turns
to be terrible for them. The truth here is no one is going to be happy
being with you if you can’t be happy being by yourself.

• To Prove Something:
Pressure from parents. Some of our parents keep reminding us it’s time
to get married, age is no longer on your side, all your mates are married, etc. Some people marry because their friends are all married, and he/she
wants to prove I cannot be left out. Others marry out of material motives
just to prove superiority amongst friends.
Whatever the case may be, getting married to prove something to
someone or to yourself is a very terrible reason to get married.

LACK OF COMMUNICATION

It is no surprise that a lack of communication in a marriage is one of the
leading causes of divorce in our homes today. The lack of respect and
love can create insecurity which might cause one spouse to seek
someone outside of the marriage to fill that void.

LACK OF EQUALITY AND LOSS OF IDENTITY

A marriage needs enough time and space for the couple to be together
for it to flourish. Spending time together is good but there should be
room for each person to explore their likes and interest. Most spouses
are so busy with work, business, missions, and studies giving less time
or attention to their marriages. This reduces the intimacy amongst the
couple which can lead to separation. LACK OF COMMUNICATION:
It is no surprise that a lack of communication in a marriage is one of the
leading causes of divorce in our homes today. The lack of respect and
love can create insecurity which might cause one spouse to seek
someone outside of the marriage to fill that void.

LACK OF EQUALITY AND LOSS OF IDENTITY

A marriage needs enough time and space for the couple to be together
for it to flourish. Spending time together is good but there should be
room for each person to explore their likes and interest. Most spouses
are so busy with work, business, missions, and studies giving less time
or attention to their marriages. This reduces the intimacy amongst the
couple which can lead to separation.

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