A Story of Two IslessteemCreated with Sketch.

in #history7 years ago

Well, i love a good story, I love history and I love humour. So let me mix all three and tell you a story, which never should have been humorous, in a humorous way.


It´s the story a of two tiny islands lost somewhere in the atlantic ocean. Sterile islands where almost nothing grows and where the penguins have been witnesses of many sunsets and many more conflicts that history remembers. As a story, its a pretty standard one, it has pirates, corsairs, imperial powers angrily armwrestling for control over the islands, and a lot of courage, corruption, salt, and treachery dare I say it, from all sides involved. However there are also some special things about it that make it unique, specially the sleepless nights the author of this post had to endure to write it. I´ll let the reader decide which side wants to take, which “team” he or she wants to root for, once the full story unravels.

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It begins with over two hundred small islands, a long, long time ago when Ferdinand Magellan discovered them. I don´t know what on earth made him take interest in them, maybe he just loved penguins. Those islands biggest brothers are two islands called “Isla Gran Malvina”(Great Malvina Island) and “Isla Soledad”(Loneliness Island). They have also been named creatively “East Falkland” and “West Falkland” by the british and generally “Îles Malouines”(Which literally translates to “Malvinas Islands”) by the french, but we don´t really care about that since we can´t pronounce it without locking our tongues into a knot.


Those islands were largely deserted, underapreciated, until right after the Seven Year War, which made France lose almost all its colonial empire to the British(If you´ve ever seen Black Sails, the TV show takes place only 50 years earlier). Basically, the french were getting their assess french fried and they sought to regain some of the power by taking it from the Spanish, who were then the owners of the island, but had no

settlements there. Since “ownership” was a loose term back then, they boldly sailed an expedition(remember, they had to endure a lot of months of high sea and no women, arriving to the dullest place which didnt even have a tavern), commanded by two illustrious captains, Nicolas Pierre Duclos-Guyot and François Chenard de la Giraudais and a ragtag, misfit crew, since those ships were filled to the brim with some of the 18.000 Acadians(French colonists who settled Acadia) that had been deported for refusing to swear loyalty to the british crown. These were displaced refugees from the British-French war of 1755. They had been expelled from the french colonies once the british took posession of them. So these refugees had sailed half the world, only to be deported to some remote islands on the other half of the world. That´s some tough luck! On 1764 they settled on a colony they founded on Isla Soledad which they called Port Saint-Louis and made a return trip to bring in more refugees.(Preferrably with wine)
The spanish(remember Argentina was not even an independent country then, it was a satellite colony sucking the tit of Spain), in a fit of rage, protested that those islands were directly linked to the Continent of Meridional America. You see? The islands have an undersea stretch of land, which is called “Continental Shelf” that enabled them to say that they were part of the territory that would later be known as Argentina. Seemingly, this initial fit of rage was not very loud, because it fell on deaf ears.



Little was known then, that in the old continent, a plot was forming by the british to take those islands and settle them. The british have been considering for quite some time(since 1745) to send an expedition to settle those islands if they were deserted, or take them by force if they were inhabited. I bet they called that “mingling” 😂. They knew that the islands guarded the ONLY pass in the southern hemisphere to the pacific ocean, and would some day be the key to extending their empire into the pacific, but they were wary of angering the spanish. So they prepared a recon expedition in such secret, that even in their documents said their destination was the “Eastern Indies”, which was of course, a lie. They probably even practiced their evil-mode laughter a few times.
Commodore John Byron arrived to the isles in january 1765, a year later than the french, and established a temporary base there, which he named Port Egmont, having no clue that the french were already there. What was really interesting is that the french and the british remained unaware of each others presence for a whole year. They suspected of each other, but didn´t meet till later, much like two adulterous spouses trying to avoid being discovered by the other. In march 1766, another english
expedition was sent to the islands to set a permanent base, but its commander, captain John Macbride soon discovered the french settlement. I bet that like in any good game of “Age of Empires”, he thought he should proceed to finish that pesky base his upstart nemesis made on the other edge of the map, but once he thought better about it, he must have realized that he didn´t know how many french forces were in the área, or how far were they.

He only knew his old enemy was there, so he proceeded to kindly and politely ask the french to fuck off, to which the french asked if they could resolve the issue on paper in a game of “Battleship”. Just kidding, no idea what the french said, but they managed to keep things calm for a while. This situation must have really angered the spanish, which promptly proceeded to send ships. I say “promptly” because in this day and age, the ships took two fuckin years to organize in force and arrive at the islands. Some thips from Buenos Aires(the later capital of Argentina, and a good place to find a BBQ restaurant) were also present. In june 4 1770 the paper to play “battleship” must have run out, since the ships started firing real ammo and after some time, the british, outnumbered, surrendered.
England took this spanish affront badly, and the conflict was threatening to turn into a full scale war between those two powers. France by was bound by the “Family Pact” which commanded the nation to unite with the spanish against the british in the case of war. Which they did, with their deadliest weapon at the time: rhetoric, probably staying behind the strong spanish fleet and hurling a lot of “your momma” insults.

Will this conflict turn into a full scale war? Stay tuned for the next episode our "breaking" news of what happened around 1770. (Seriously, I plan to cover the whole history of the falklands up ultil 2017, including the British-Argentine war of 1982.


DISCLAIMER: Even though this saga of articles about the islands is written in a very humorous tone, about a week of extensive research and fact checking has been done to make it so. If you are easily offended, then you shouldn´t be here. Seriously, leave this place. If not, here I cite my main sources.
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Just read the beginning of the saga and already looking forward to dive deeper.. Well written, and really like the analogies and the humor in it! Thank you for the time and effort you put into this!

Thanks, I appreciate it! Although when I get to the war in itself the story gets somewhat grim so the humor goes out the window and gets replaced for a love for the details. I hope you like it!

I like how you presented the information about the Falklands here, let's try the @originalworks bot to give more exposure to your post. Voted and resteemed. Thanks for sharing! :D

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Thanks bro! Aiming to become more professional(ish) each day!

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Great post dude! Thanks for share

It's good. Informative and educational

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