Don't run from them.

Don't ignore them.

Don't dismiss them.

We are taught since childhood to appropriately respond in conversations.

How are you?
Good, how are you?
I'm good...

I went to the doctor last week, because I wasn't feeling so well. She asked me that question. I automatically said, GOOD!

I was feeling shit. I was at the doctor who gets paid to treat that shitness, and I couldn't put down the social facade.

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I read a book once called THE HAPPINESS TRAP.

Yes occasionally I read books.

There is a picture book version of it too. I prefer it if truth be told, and it is great for kids.

I'm not really into self-help books, but this one I liked.

It discusses our social and cultural tendency to only value happiness. Or to value it above all other emotions.

Of course happiness is a nice state of being,

I don't contest that, but there is a purpose to having diversity of emotional responses.

I was prompted to write this post after reading @ashleykalila's post about Feeling terrible and how it is only good.

This smart young woman is right!

Happiness is not the only useful emotion.

If you push away all unpleasantness in the hopes of always being happy, it will indeed become a trap to true contentment.

Every emotion has a purpose.

Feel and acknowledge how you are in the moment.

Sit in it and just be, without judgement and without the idea of needing to fix anything.

The absence of happiness is not in itself an illness.

Long protracted periods of time with great sadness that interferes and takes over your life is not OK and you deserve help. But everyone has periods of sadness.

Eventually we move through it.

It's OK if you need help to move through it too, it doesn't mean you have failed somehow, life does not have to be a solo quest.

Grief for instance is a complex and vital state of mind, body and soul.

It encompasses any loss and is not only about the loss of a loved one's life.
Grief and loss can occur within any circumstance of change.

Situations, opportunities, relationships, expectations, hopes, dreams, illness, disappointments. These can all stir up a feeling of loss, grief, sadness.

Very often a whole bunch of griefs friends come along for the ride too.

Anger, denial, doubt, regret, embarrassment, and even sometimes an absence of sadness which can cause feelings of guilt and confusion.

In these moment feeling can triggers memories of a time when those emotions were felt before. Old wounds can feel fresh again in those most vulnerable times.

These emotions feel like pain.

They are pain. We go through physical and mental anguish during these times. These emotions serve a purpose to enable us to endure these things.

Denial for instance is the most undervalued emotion.

It is our best defence against the onslaught of emotion during a crisis and is my most treasured automatic strategy.

But I do have to keep it in check. So I don't disappear under her cloak for too long and avoid my challenges forever.

Because -

Covering them up does not make them disappear. You can feel them under the surface. Eventually they make their way back.

We all employ strategies to hold our stuff at bay.

These aren't always a bad thing. But sometimes the very behaviours we utilise to contain sadness, eventually end up being the cause of increased distress and problems.

Whether you work harder, drink a little more, hit the gym until you drop, control your food intake, party harder, hide from the world, rage at someone else, or harm yourself.
Everyone has a strategy that at one time served a purpose, and served it well, and then became a focus of the very issue it was designed to contain.

The strategy becomes the problem.

Even for those perfect people, particularly the perfect ones. Life is a balancing act.

Just stop and feel. Check in with yourself today, and try to do it with less judgement.

As you walk the tightrope today, juggling all that you carry, give yourself a congrats for doing what you do.
With all that you carry, you walk tall, with your game face on. Thank yourself for a job well done.

Also take a moment when you feel it's OK to do so, to drop your basket, take off the facade and let those feelings you contain so well just tumble out.

Being vulnerable on your terms is pretty amazing too. And also very brave.

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Early morning epiphanies from @girlbeforemirror . With thanks to the insightful @ashleykalila for giving me something to ponder on.