Dear Diary: I Just Wished That I Was Never Born
Living in this world as I realized it was hard and you are really up for yourself and on your own. It is a battle for existence and there are dangers everywhere. It is always a struggle and your own fight for your life in a way makes you strong but if you are not fighting anymore your will just falter and die.
Actually when we are born we are weak and vulnerable to diseases and our bodies just adapt to a new surroundings and with good nutrition will build a defense against germs that could maim or kill. So our natural bodies has its own fights just to remain existing and surviving in this natural world.
We ourselves are in this world to survive and we just have to work it out every single obstacle and problem that gets in our way so that we can flourish and also to remain alive.
What I don't like is the constant struggle in my life and the inclusion of pain and medical maladies seems like I was living in hell without the flames. But it doesn't mean that the misery doesn't bother me because it is one thing that really is a burden to me not to mention the mental stresses that it brings me.
So with all these hard and heavy burdens in my life I just wished really that I was not born because it is just hideous that I never made it to the first base and then my uniform was stripped from me one by one until I am bare naked and the whole world will see naked and defeated. It is just how I put it because being born without being able to really live a normal life is unbelievable that it happens and out of a billion people it happened to me.
Believe me I say that to myself every week. But then I try to convince myself that life is just a game like GTA and we need to win it. I dont know how many lives our souls will have and thats a mystery. But in case we have more than one life, then we will struggle in the next lives for the same reasons we are struggling now. So better to solve the puzzle here and be totally free. I dont know what is right or wrong. I studied all religions in the world and believe in all of them, but whats true remains a mystery. So be strong and think that you are here to change something. Every person have a mission and yours is still to be discovered.
You are the first user who caught my attention when I signed up in steemit one year ago and I follow your news all time. I know what you have been through and hard is it for you. But you need to be strong and try to do more for yourself and your family. Never think your life is useless and believe me I know how it feels. But we are just stuck in this life and there is no way out. So we need to be winners and not losers.
Bless you :)
I really like this comment. You said what I wanted to say better than I could :)
Thank you Dear! These are my thoughts and what I keep telling to myself to move forward. Every time I feel like giving up, but try to be strong again :(
It's sad that you feel that way. Life has been tough for you. But you've done a lot of worthwhile things, writing every day and reaching out to people, giving them an insight into your life.
My heart hurt for you my friend. But like @hanen said; you have a greater purpose here on this world. God is not done with you yet, so you have a great purpose here and we are so lucky to have you here with us, since you are showing us how to be strong and keep on fighting and no matter what still enjoying life and everything you have like your amazing family.
Thank you Ma'am @joalvarez for your kind words and encouragement but it really is getting harder with problems on top of one another, pain and all, it is too much and it scares me now more than ever.
You'll have peace one day. Bloging is a nice thing to do, people act like they know it all, they preach and have their own theories but infront of human suffering they just have to shut up if they cant help. Your post was so sincere and touched me. You have the strength to face the world around you for what it is a really fucked up place. I wish you find peace brother. You touched my soul with your words.
We all have good and bad days..
I for one am glad you were born, One of my faves here on STEEM. <3
Keep your head up man.
Hello my dear friend, really since we are born our future is uncertain, it is only to ask God to give us strength to face the problems that come our way
Hello warrior, I think so, that your exams are stronger every day, and there you are writing this blog, leaving a great maturity in everything you face, do you think it is better not to have been born? The first years of your life with joy of good health, did not you like them? Let me tell you, thank you for writing your blog, your experiences teach us to be better people and thank God you were born to share with us your day to day. God bless you.
I really feel sad every time I read your story. In this life hope is all we have and even though hope is frail it is hard to kill. Keep holding on and fighting, you are so brave. I was reading the story of an Indian guy with a condition like yours but he underwent successful facial surgery. Here is the link https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/ureport/article/2001299145/lion-faced-man-transformed-as-surgeons-rebuild-his-face
Thank you @practicaleric