I just walked 3 miles in the middle of nowhere in Honduras at 11 pm - Just to get cigarettes
I have an addiction now. It is not something I can control and realizing I am smoking dependant makes me fell disappointed on myself to the point where I just hate my actions.
Obviously this was not today but it is the only picture I have of me holding a cigarette. It is not something I am proud of.
No no, keep reading, this is not a pity me post or a depressive post. It gets a positive vibe around the middle.
I have been a smoker since I am 18 years old, right now I am ten years older and this night is the first time I realized I have an addiction and I can´t stop smoking even if I want to.
I waited until I was 18 to make up my mind if I wanted to smoke, just because I decided that if I was going to make a decision that could ruin my life I wanted to be mature enough to make it, talk about being somewhat mature at 18 right?
I stopped being a minor and guess what? Of course I wanted to smoke! I craved being cool and feel rebelious while holding a cigarette with the same hand I drinked my Cuba Libre on a friday night speaking with a pretty girl at the party.
But I was always smart about smoking, if those two ideas can be conceived in one sentece...
I made a deal with myself, a very simple and easy to follow agreement with my other self, my mature self:
Every time I feel like I am becoming at the very least a little dependant of having a cigarette I would stop smoking for three months, just to prove to myself that I control my addiction and not the other way around.
So far I had been able to fulfill this treaty of arms. I think that I have stopped smoking around 6 times in my life and after completing the three month deal I just go back to smoking.
But this time is different
I just can´t stop smoking. I have a $10 dollar budget per day to travel in Central America and yet I am still spending 10% of that budget on cigarettes. I know I have to stop but ever since I got robbed at gunpoint in a Guatemalan Highway I NEED to have a smoke everytime I try to write a piece for Steemit or my personal blog or even when I try to write a chapter of my ongoing book.
And on this day, this precise night I went to an the extreme decision of walking on a Honduran highway very late at night and expose myself to dangers I could have avoided just to be able to fulfill this need of a small piece of rolled cancer. Do you realize what you´ve done, Eric? Really? Is your need for a cigarette more important than your safety? One thing is to hitchhike for giggles and thrills but to expose your safety for something that is literally killing you?
I know, I told you this post was going to get positive in the middle but I lied. The good part is that the end is positive.
I solemnly swear that this is going to be my last pack of smoked for the next three months. If I don´t deliver I will donate all of the steem rewards I make from now on and until (and if) I break this achord with you.
How will you know if I smoke? Well, you have to trust me.
But now my oath is on the blockchain and it can never be erased.
One way I have managed to overcome addictions is by finding a healthier alternative. Example: I was addicted to energy beverages (the bad ones) I found a low sugar, organic option. Has made a big difference in my overall well being. Maybe you could try vaping or taking a walk everytime you want a smoke. Replace that need with something positive. Hope this helps, we are behind you! ✊
Hey man that actually sounds like a good idea! You know how they say that every person trying to stop smoking gains a lot of weight because they replace the cigarette with food? I think Ill start to search for a healthier and non fat alternative hahaha! Yesss, This sounds like a good option, thanks for sharing it with me!
No problem man. Glad to help, keep us updated.
Te deseo lo mejor en esta proposición. Yo estoy haciendo lo mismo con el refresco jeje. Es una adicción que va y viene y me arruina el presupuesto pero al he ido controlando. \o/ ¡Sí se puede Eric!.
Toma una foto que quizás te inspire, y si no... pues vela y ya jajajaja:
The hardest part is already done - acknowledging the addiction and determination plus desire to change.
Good luck!
Its how they say right? The first step is recognizing the problem so you can tackle it full force! Thank you for your good wishes Mollie! :D :D
You can do it!!!!!
Thank you Lana!! :D
It's a hard thing to do, but you got this!! Quitting any addiction is a long hard road, but the goal is so important! I wish you luck!
Thanks for the luck my friend! It is a hard road but I´ll start just with three months, let´s see where that takes me, perhaps this is the good one tight? Probably this is the end game, the last "quitting smoking" of my life, who knows!
I was thinking, why not make a deal or challenge yourself to stop smoking for life? I bet many years from now, you will be grateful for the decisions you make today :)
Hey I love you username! Clever thinking there hehe
I knoow, I should really stop for life but baby steps... If and when I conquer this small challenge I will definitely set the bar higher... and you are soo right, I should really think of my health when it comes to this... :/ Oh well, I will make sure to keep you posted!
Oh I know that feeling so well. It's really hard to stop. The first 3 weeks are pain in the ass. But then you start to forget about it.
If I were you I wouldn't close a deal with us but just with yourself. Your decision shouldn't depend on anybody but yourself.
And: honestly to me it sounds as if it's not the right moment to quit for you :-) You should reply sincerely to that one question: are you really willing to quit? Or do you just like the idea of not being a smoker anymore? It's a huge difference :-) I was unable to quit just for the simple reason that smoking is unhealthy, for instance. I definitely needed to feel that it was the right moment to stop. There was one day I simply didn't buy a new package. I didn't tell anybody, I didn't make a big thing out of it, I simply quit smoking.
Good luck, tralever :-)
I know!! It is very hard but so far I had been able to stop every time I wanted but now it is different. This time it does depend on someone else, I know myself and most of the time the challenge is against myself but right now that one didn´t work out for me. I work better if I have a rival or "enemy" to beat and this time I just made all of you that, that way I have someone to "beat" hehehe.
I am not ready to quit forever, I like smoking, what I don´t like is depending on it to go by. I don´t have any other reason but to be my own boss and deciding I´m done with this level of addiction. That is why I need to make a big fuzz about it, because I no longer can deal with it by myself. But I know that in three months I´ll say to myself: You did it, you overcamen this obstacle :)
Thank you for this surfer!
You can do it my man. I started smoking when I was 12 and quit when I was 18. I think once it wasn't illegal it didn't seem as cool anymore, and I never did truly enjoy it so it wasn't so hard for me to just quit cold turkey. The alcohol has been harder for me. I still drink some beer or some vodka almost everyday. I don't get drunk to where it affects my job or my relationships or anything like that, but I know its not healthy. But honestly just typing this, just mentioning it, makes me crave a drink. Addiction is tough, humans are creatures of habit, but if you really want to make a change you can do it.
Ever heard of a "tasp"?
Word invented by Larry Niven, science fiction writer of the Ringworld series.
The Tasp is the most feared weapon of all. When fired at a person, it induces a short period of the most intense bliss that individual has ever experienced. But, the person then craves this bliss and misses it when it is gone. The more the tasp is used on a person, the more they remember exactly how it feels and want it again, even if only just one more time.
Thus the tasp destroys a person's will power, destroys their ability to be independent by making them want dependence.
They hate that they want the tasp more than they want to be free, and want to want to be free, but can't make themselves want to be free through will power.
Sounds like smokes, no?
I need to quit smoking my friend I´m saving money for a Vaper, no se para que escribi en inglés la costumbre ;S jajaja pero bueno estoy reuniedo algo de dinero para comprarme un vaporizador estoy fumando mas de 3 cigarrillos al dia y ya estoy preocupado :S. éxito mi hermano en todo !!! pa´lante capaz te compras un vaporizador bueno con liquid con nicotina y dejamos ese vicio!!! hahahaha me encanta como redactas tus post