Simple Secrets to Happiness #2: You Can’t "Will" Yourself to Be Happier

Well, who feels happier after applying the concept, “You can’t do it all” from Happiness Secret #1? I for one found it to be very difficult to cross items off my list, and a lot easier to add more. I hope you will keep pressing on with me though, and continue to healthily lower your expectations on what you NEED to accomplish each day to be happy. Let’s move on to secret #2:

You Can’t “Will” Yourself to be Happier

In my desire to be a happy, non-yelling, bake cookies, play catch, hugs-and-kisses, kind of mom, I find I end up on a non-productive cycle like this:

The reason trying harder doesn’t work is because your willpower is a finite resource. You can’t rely on mental resolve to help you find more happiness in the chaos of day-to-day life. Because, once your willpower is tapped, your patience will run out too.

Maybe you should repeat that to yourself.

It’s actually the reason why most people can’t stick with diets, money saving plans, and exercise routines. Your willpower drains down as the day goes on with every decision you make. So, you can be humming along making good choices and suddenly in a moment of weakness, you reach out and take the proverbial “cookie.” And it tastes good. But, you feel awful about it. Listen to this true story example from the book Happy You Happy Family of the how tiring it is to rely on will power.

In one study, researchers placed people in a room with radishes and freshly baked cookies and told them they couldn’t eat any cookies. Another group was put in a room with a bunch of radishes and told they couldn’t eat the vegetables, but they could have all the cookies they wanted—no willpower necessary there. Then the researchers gave everyone an unsolvable test. The lucky folks who got to eat the cookies kept trying on their tests for an average of 19 minutes. The people who had to use up all their willpower on the cookies gave up after only 8 minutes.

So, if willpower won't work, what is the answer?

In order to maintain happiness, you need more than a promise to yourself. You need a system in place. You need good habits. The answer to finding more patience isn’t to try harder. The answer is habit.

Of course, forming a new habit requires willpower too, but if you tackle happiness-creating habits one at a time, it works! I’ll explain all about how to make making habits easier in Secret to Happiness #3

Thanks for reading. @allforthegood