Denoting Compensation
{"Gay kids aren’t a “plot point” that you can play with. Gay kids are real, actual kids, teenagers, growing up into awesome adults, and they don’t have the books they need to reflect that. Growing up, my nose was constantly stuck in a book. Growing up as a lesbian, I was told over and over and over by the lack of gayness in said books that I did not exist. That I wasn’t important enough to tell stories about. That I was invisible. Why are we telling our kids this? Why are we telling them that they’re a minority, and they don’t deserve the same rights as straights, that they’re going to grow up in a world that despises them, that the intolerance of humanity will never change, that they’re worthless. It’s not true." ― Sarah Diemer... Today is a @bananafish Mizu No Oto Contest entry and an independent story retreading some ground I want to cover between Ashuri/Ashley and Saddie, before I jump board and fully commit to where I have left them. So basically a prequel to which then be a sequel to some posts and basically let's take it from Borderlands 3: "The Prequel-Sequel" to a good amount of these posts... Today's music-aides: Unity [1.] Kernal Panic [2.] and Jevil's Theme Pacifist Remix [3.] (Rush Garcia, YT, and Project Borealis and Deltarune OST).}
Banners by @f3nix
[Image taken by mój Ukochany, @calluna~]
Darkness stands
yay-say ‘tween the trees
- bliss abound
Forestry
- the hues fly about
in greenness
Light piercing
into the shadow path
- dark retreat
Hollowed path
- the chasm between
greenery
-----------------------------------------------------------
My sketchy sketch of a wisp
- Denoting Compensation -
The sky, always in the constant upon itself with the two factions battling for the control up there. Yet, for the flakes of gold sprouting upon the sky, the night with her Luna were pushed back. Replacing them was the day her Sol, both starting the slow stretch as the sky at first blushed before revealing the pretty ocean-blue to the World. Down below of the sky, the song of nature shifted from the night jazz to the dawn ensemble: the crickets no more singing as the woodpeckers pecked the wood away, the frogs croaking louder as the flies danced the air away, the birds tweeting their heart's content and the grunts along with the snores of a few humans. If one could only press thy ear upon the door to their room, one could have their ears drowned with the sleepily glad noises echoing about; drowning the working skeletons mucking about. And so the housed Thief had done so, lips stretched ear to ear as the door creaked with her hands pushing it. Her toes walking and being annoyed of her weight pressing upon her, her mind couldn't care as no floorboard groaned with her presence.
The blankets tussling and ruffling around, the Witch's ears heard all but the eyes couldn't have cared. Her sleepy eyes resisting to mirror her sleeping eyes, her body slipped under the blankets and her arms worked out the invisible realm underneath the blanket. Her arms linking and entrapping her Witch, both of their mouths let out a short excitement. Yet her mind punishing her for waking up so early, her eyes forcefully closed as she dozed off without a care of what could've happened. As the day with her Sol slowly climbed up radially, the beams of light struck Red's eyes and his body erected itself while the arms reached for the bluing sky above and legs only helping out. Turning about, his eyes saw the recent house guest snuck in without having even closed the door.
Feet plopping to the floor, the floorboards ached in pain which forced the sleeping heads to jolt their eyes open. To then wearily remain open as the noise continued groaning and a door creaked back into place. However, the Witch's torso felt and her eyes confirmed her body being squeezed; but her mind stopped her voice-box from executing the hex and instead flung her body around to meet her Thief. The eyes deadlocking each other, their cheeks could easily be mistaken for tomatoes themselves; their minds synchronized their shut off as they froze, but their lips braved the chasm between them. Making contact, a gust of hot air blew into each other's mouth but the further outreach cancelled as uneasiness laid on their heads far too powerfully to continue on. By then the steps eked and the door pained out another creak as Red came in with hands full.
[1.]"Oh you two finally awoke, jeez! Had to make breakfast alone, but wasn’t going to eat it alone. So Ashley and Saddie- why are you two blushing?"
"A-heh. Nothing, nothing. Let’s eat now~"
"I be nae a mornin’ eater, mój Ashuri. Sorry yah hast to waste scraps for me stomach, Red. I will-"
Force-pinches pricking at her back, Saddie bah-d like a goat and the two others laughed off the tension. Red hopping unto the bed, Ashley and Red’s hands stuffed their mouths as their noses reveled with the steam dancing inside of them. Saddie’s back still roaring in pain, her pose was still frozen as her memory theatre retold her the countless other times she’d done this before. Final flashback firing through her neurons, her head collapsed on her Ashuri as Ashley’s head nestled the shock-ridden head of hers.
A unity of burps amongst the three echoed out, especially for the Thief who didn’t wish to eat. Red hopping to the air with the tray, he scampered off with his impish body. Saddie’s eyes saw, while her hands were working to take off the headscarf of her left leg and tie it to her head, and did those two eyes saw her Ashley’s finger glow as her hair formed from the drawn out to the mustache-shaped side-ponytails. Her hands applying bandages unto her arms, her eyes glowed as they saw her whole body shine and magicked on her witchy attire: a red dress with orange cuffs and bottom-edges, black leggings grabbing her legs, an orange neckerchief with a skull talisman and her orange tiara. Saddie finally slipping on her pirate coat and boots, Ashley’s hands squeezed her coat and pulled Saddie towards her.
Impromptu, both of their lips made more than contact - they merged. Saddie pinned to the wall, her hands eventually slipped away from the wall to caress her magicked hair. Heat passing through their bio-viaducts, their minds melted by the second with the jouissance coursing through. Legs queasy with feet spinning about, heads constantly tilting, body shaking and shut eyes a crying. Dislodged lips trembling, their voice-boxes reflecting the tears pouring, their bodies collapsing unto each other and, yet, their arms still held unto each other.
"My Pirate, my Goat, my Thief, my Saddie! I thought I lost you, but now you here-"
"Hush, a hush. Mój Witch Ashuri, who methinks yer still trainin’ - no? Whatever. Fo’ sho’ that day be nae more, let’s shun that memory. Promise?~"
"P-Promise!~ Now, what you want to do today, I got a whole lot of time to spare."
Those words leaving her lips, her finger coursed down from the headscarf to her ebony nose. Gayly gasping, Saddie’s mind had been waylaid but still self-crit herself for not thinking much past last night. But then her memory theatre worked over time and her mouth let loose a simple phrase that made statue of everything in the room. Hands catching her lips, her hands pried away her trembling hands and held them softly.
"N-n-nae, we need nae to go-n-find them, they probably scamper’d off when thee-n-thy skeleton crew-"
"Where are those bandits?"
"Follow me, but one thing: nae break from me when thou findst them, understood?"
Ashley’s hair blackening from her stressed white strands, they both picked each other up and their legs carried them along. Ashley calling for Red, he soon tailed them as Saddie’s legs took charge of the trio. The forest soon sheltered them from the high-noon sun, the dead and shaking branches providing all the necessary cover and the Earth muffling their trek across the forest floor. But then the quiet of the forest had muffled them as they crouched behind a tree.
[2.]Their collected but individual minds begged that they saw a mere illusion! Indeed their eyes were merely seeing the sight truly and not swindled. Hollowed path - the chasm between greenery. A murmuring hum echoing through the forest branches, the wisp shrouded in dark and eye that glow about. The limbs flailed around as the floating figure spun about, the central eye piece dialectically sizing per the level of shadow, bubbles of pulsing darkness ebbed about and the cold truly coursed the branches.
Ashley's foot misjudging the step taken had forced the entire forest to amplify the yelps of a crunched twig. The wisp spun towards the sound, soon the figure's body shrieked and bulleted down the hallowed path. Red transforming himself to a broom and Saddie knocked into riding, Ashley mounted and her hands quickly corrected Saddie's mounting. Zipping through the branches, the trio's pace was breakneck equal to the bullet wisp; branches cheered on the race between the two despite the crowd's composition being full of dead and lively trees.
There in the air, Ashley's eyes saw it clear: the bullet wisp's tendrils sprouted about and sliced-n-diced the branches. However her mind got bogged down by how the speed remained unaffected, but her pointer finger overrode that concern as purple electricity barreled through and sparked the branches away. From life to dust, a trail of ash remained but neither parties’ distance between each other changed. As the zaps kept zapping and the tendrils a slicing, a scarlet fire sparked in her eyes along with her hair whitening. Her zaps began arching amongst the branches, but no dice on zapping even a nip of the wisp.
Then the wisp's velocity came to a cease as the shadow-form rolled into a ball into the clearing of the hallowed path. Her head cocked but her hair blackened again, the trio's speed coming to a halt along with the wispy ball. Saddie dismounted, for which her hands caught a tree as her lungs heaved about; Ashley and a re-transformed Red approached the figure, their eyes puzzled but the wisp soon reconstituting back into a previous form. The figure floating past their bodies, a tendril sprouted out and offered a supporting limb to grasp unto. Saddie's hands taking it, another tendril sprouted and assisted her wailing back.
Their eyes staring amongst each other, the wisp's eye gleefully rose as the form danced about again. Saddie's eyes locked unto Ashley's and Red's, they acquiesced to follow as they all got out of the hallowed path. The figure sprouting two more tendrils for Ashley and Red to carry, their hands hesitated by the tendrils wrapped their hands softly. Brushing past another set of trees, the gang of four all the saw the last embers of chaos in the clearing surrounded by forestry. Flames still raging on long after a fight, the encampment's buildings were burnt a crisp, treasure spilled about if there were any and all the walls knocked down of which they all await to be cleansed by fire.
"~A-A-Ashley~"
"I know, I guess our lil' wispy friend wished to show us their achievement. Guess the bandit problem is solved-"
"Oi, there's th' bandit king that got me into this whole ordeal! No wonder the wisp brought us back. Hey, let's go get her wisp-"
A shot pierced the air about, but hadn't travel so far to hit a thing other than the tendril of a wisp. The tendril writhing around but flashing the shot, the tendril wounded back and slugged back to the sender. An arm blowing up, the bandit king's knees were planted to the floor and the head cocked in shame. Saddie's arms unsheathed her sword but her feet dare not commit to a full sprint, allowing the entire gang of four to march together as one. Reaching to the center of the encampment unscathed while seeing the bleeding and humiliated bandit king fueled her blood lust for more.
And yet, despite everything, her sword sheathed and hands yanked off the helmet glued onto the bandit king. And out flushed multiple locks of hair and a weeping face, her cries for a bandit king now being the only noise that polluted the air. The bandit king winced as her hands chucked the helmet to the side and her hands forcing her head to stare at all of them. But truly, she, the bandit king, wasn't ready for her ears to hear the line that only Saddie could dare admit in front of her.
[3.]"Do yah finally understand how I felt when I was taken in by ye people? Mayhaps I played the role right, but yer group's actions had done lil' to change a thing here, thus my departure. However, disregardin' bein' chas'd about 'n' admittedly havin' fun with a few encounters, I can forgive. O Bandit King, what a funny title but I guess bandits care less of who occupies a mere title, but who can actually do the title. Yet, I forgive but I seek not for conversion or becomin' me ally. Nie, that's petty-n-stupid when we haven't done kak to resolve oure problems... Skippin' to th' loot, me ultimatum: either we spar to the death or yah walk away 'n' I be a free land-n-sea-pirate."
Her mind brimmed with grief and shame coursing about her mind, but the wisp leaned in and stared into her before leaning back. A single sniff and accepting everything, her hands latched unto the torso and her eyes let loose a flood that soon inundated both of them.
"Stay steady as to quote yah, please by th' Rum o' Cap'n Morgan!... Fine, come in here yah cryin' lassie; yer a good Bandit King but couldn't survive a wisp. Couldn't yah?"
Her head rubbing against her pirate coat, the duo of Ashley and Red tried suppressing their voice-boxes from chuckling. But Saddie's eyes gave a death stare to them two as the wisp's eyes phased-n-stared at the wide-eyed duo.
"These bandits 'ere were fierce, could probably take on the whole o' th' policja o' those princedoms of that dysfunctional empire-"
"Pirate Saddie, yah nae heard the news? I thought I told yah, but that entire empire is in mass revolts right now. Not that it matters for this continent, but I've had some letters on hand that contain traces of your name. Here, take this as me freeing yah from me; if we ever meet, may it be that we be not holding blades up to our throats again. But may my hand see some fixin' now?"
"Wispy wisp o' whatever name be thee, canst yah nae fix her hand as thou damaged it? And dziekuje for withholdin' them, but dziekuje bardzo for nae reading them!... But o Wispy wisp, enlighten me for why thou hast-"
"Lemme- gah!~ Well the pain is certainly better than loosin' all me blood now. Any a which, a bandit under me had the audacity to attack this critter - I remained and some managed to flee. Why? We didn't attack the wisp 'ere, but darn me that this wisp taught us a lesson of fragility... Certainly I am grateful for the wisp not attackin' 'til now, but I shall say this hand is certainly prettier than what it was before. I shall get going now, forgive me not."
Her hands were caught both by the wisp and Saddie, but Saddie's arms had let go while the wisp wrapped her healed arm. All of them smirking, they departed off as the wisp murmured a chaotic song in an orderly fashion; the echoes ever-increasing with the ex-king humming along in the clearing. Yet the noise died off as the distance increased between them, giving the trio a nice path to trail back home as the day with her Sol had fizzled to the third-quarter act before the night with her Luna came to seize the sky. Blossoms of red mixed with blue sky as their feet stepped back into the mansion always busy with skeletons working about and ghosts floating here-n-there.
As Red climbed the stairs to hop to bed asleep, the Witch and the Thief continued holding hands as they climbed the stairs. Having to depart to their individual rooms, their hands hugged their bodies before splitting off. Ashley magicking to her white night gown with red neck-tie and Saddie sliding off her boots and pirate coat. While their beds stayed quiet, the night was filled to the air of crickets singing about, frogs croaking quietly, the birds calming their tweets-n-chirps down to let the crows caw and the whistling wind finally coming back from break to join the choir in the ensemble. As the night with her Luna finally kicked the last of the radiance below the sky level, the sky cloaked herself in the dazzle of the starry night. The stars blinking ever-so-often as Luna full on lights the Earth in a snow-light blanket.
Other parts in Ashley and Saddie:
- Where this story would fit -
Two things: I got a real life friendo onto steemit, her name is @oniichanel!!!~ Also finally made another Ashuri/Ashley and Saddie story, been too long, been too long...
About the haiku. The fourth one encounters my favor. Words are simple as they should be and I like the sense of absence stressed by the concepts of hollow and chasm. I would have liked a kigo too, especially considering a seasonal photo like that of @calluna.
About the story: I liked the tenderness between Ashley and Saddie. It talks to me a lot about your kind nature. The story is cryptic, challenging and plenty of hard lexicon choices. This is an adventure between friends, with cute homey scenes and action. Are you sure that such a style is fit for this fable-like genre? Try this: take a friend, make him sit and read this story to him/her/they with loud voice. Pay a lot of attention to the reactions, both verbal and non verbal. Then tell me his/her/their feedback.
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments!~
I realized it a bit too late as well, but I decided to not change a thing now.
Well here’s the thing, I actually conducted that survey with at least six different acquaintances that knows I am a writer (@calluna is not on this list, she’s a regular reader). Of the six: three were proles, one in college and two both proles and in college. Of the three proles (one of them being @oniichan who actually taken creative writing class): they all liked it even after I told them to read it again critically, they said they had to read slower than usual but sure beaten the shit they had to read to stay not bored. In particular one noted my mastery in writing (he was a college drop out, mainly due to political atmosphere). @oniichan took creative class and found it pretty good, she told me so on the commute. The third other, communist friend, loved it because it beaten the tabloids he had to read. On the college kidderino: she mainly had a problem with the fact that it was an easier read than per usual; yet she liked something that wasn’t her usual stuff she had to read (she’s studying biology). On the prole college kids: they two mainly had a problem with but didn’t complain that they had to read this story ar a slower pace than my usual stories. One further delineated that it just it had to do with spending time to enjoy the imagery; other that they were reading another story for college in completely different genre and had to remind themself to not confuse the two stories. Yet that’s it for people really.
Okay, I'm glad that you did this exercise. I try to do It too and it's important since writing is all about communication. Sometimes I prefer to write not so differently from how I speak, as long as the content is there. Words are just a medium for content, in the end. I'm also glad that you didn't take my observation bad, you know that for me sincerity is the best way to honor someone's effort.
You guys are both so much braver than me, asking your real life friends for critical feedback, jeez I find confessing that I write for fun scary!!!
*human beings ;)
Have a lot of respect for both you guys and, the guts you both have to seek out feedback and take it on board instead of getting upset like I do haha <3<3
Hah, the most embarrassing moments come from haiku more than from prose. People simply don't understand this poetry.. but I've also to add that when a haiku is well crafted (those rare times, happened to me not more than three times so far) they appreciate. Cal, don't be so shy to proclaim your passion for writing to the world!
I fall flat on my face far too often to say anything that might convince people to watch that ;)
Wahhh cmon! What does John say?
Normally something about bears haha
Slurrrppp!
Well I write how I wish to jester in a court and communicate cleanly if I wish to drive my dialectic-rhetoric home, so sorry for my individual-being being a splitting contradiction (much like some authors) :p
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This post has been manually selected, curated and upvoted by CI mod staff team. Supporting all posts that are in high quality and don’t get enough recognition.
This post was submitted for curation by: @theironfelix
This post was voted: 100%
I should have used the translator, but once understood, I assure you that it is a very interesting initiative.
I hope it produces the interest and success it deserves.
Sorry if you see some mistakes, because my English is not as good as I would like it to be and it's possible there are translation errors that I do not detect.
In short, congratulations and success.
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments!
Steemit honestly needs an in-built translator and start hiring people to work on a translation machine. That way it allow further conversation across the Steemit platform and tightly nit this community even more. Otherwise, that's great to here that.
~UwU~
Nie, nie (No, no)! It's okay, English isn't even my second language here. So I understand.
Dziekuje!!!!~ (Thanks so much!!!!~)
@theironfelix, it's a very good start. Your text fearlessly explores the paths of the plot. It is an uninhibited and loving writing, which knows how to let conflicts that are not, first hand, obvious, run under the discourse.
I hope that this adventure (narrative, human) runs successfully towards its end (or towards its beginning, depending on how it looks).
As you well say, there is little youth literature that touches the LGTBI spectrum; however, I believe that there is more and more visivilization and that is something to count as profit. Of course, when there are people like you willing to build, using the tools of their art, craft, specialization, etc., the necessary spaces and that it is fair to share.
A hug!
P.S. Drawing is great!
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments!~ I really like what I am reading here and it's very much great what I read here.
Hugz!~
-OwO- ~UwU~
Hi, Marco here.
I have long been undecided about which haiku to consider for the contest. In my opinion, the third and fourth are those that satisfy the canons of Mizu No Oto. The third is more classic, the fourth a little more daring.
However, the ease with which you write them is remarkable!
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments!!!!~
Well, that’s some nice optimization for future haiku events and the what not~ Especially when I hit the daring and classic aspect in this contest.
And I know that it’s remarkable and what not!!!!~
Going to start with the Haiku's. Each stands alone yet they bleed into each other for something greater. The darkness abounding, the positive language carrying a sense of joy of coming life. The colours in the forest given motion, the light, or spring pushing back the retreat. Ending on a note of almost sanctity or reverence, just so beautiful <3<3
The story begins with so much stunning scenery packed into every sentence. It forces a slower pace of reading, allowing each word to be absorbed for their full weight. Ohhh and Saddie waking Ashley up <3 it's just so sweet!
You describe Ashleys outfit so very well, and then the kiss, and the promise, it's so so endearing, they really care about each other so much! And then how you set up the intrigue to pull the reader into the rest of the story with the talk of the skeleton crew, and the night before. It just goes perfectly into
the way you tie the sun from the start back into the part with the forest is just a wonderful anchor between the two parts.
This line is just like a bow on this story, tying it back to the haiku and capturing the same beautiful imagery.
The chase scene, zipping and darting through the forest, firing off shots, the wisp in hot pursuit, plays out so smoothly, some great writing. But the wisp was trying to lead them, not hurt them! A very nice twist into what could have been a dark turn, as Saddie confronts her former captors. It really feels like she has grown as a character in her time with Ashley & co <3 and so has the bandit king!! (if i am reading that right?) it feels like a perfect instalment in the innocent yet coming of age story of these two! And then it ties up with such a wonderful example of your signature descriptive ending that almost feels like a slow fade out on the final scene, the language here is so wonderful
What a wonderful final note <3 - another stellar episode in this adventure
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments!~
Yay! Yah see the semi-self-consistency of these haikus! All a playing a lil' dance about and amongst each other. Hap yah loved them~
Slow reading styles are within my middle name! (Not really, but glad things are taken slowly and with proper reading and not a bum rush to the end.) And yes, lesbiabs! Biab biab! :D :D!!!!~
Hey what can I say, lesbians are like babies and we need to protect them!~ <3 But yeah, love my spread out wires of interconnection~ Especially when I bound it to something of a timescale.
Dzieki for helping me choose that line!
Yeah, I love just making twists on accident, don't twist you love it when I twist just tsiwt everything!~ And yes, she did grew with them at a faster rate than she had without them; relationships are powerful. And yes, yah read that right (might make a story with yah with her if we get our FTS ending out!!!! I do wonder how me and yah will handle the wisp though). Yay, yah loved the ending as well!~
Such a great note to truly end on, inspired by "Thinking on a Quiet Night" (靜夜思) by Li Bai.