Perhaps it seemed I'd lost it yesterday.

Calling bullshit on myself.

I thought perhaps I should explain myself further.

Steemit presents great opportunity.

I have enjoyed recognising those opportunities and doing my best to support people who are doing good things.

Positive stuff

Worthy initiatives.

Along the way it generated a protection of sorts of a person who in some ways was super.

A snap shot can be very deceiving, this one taken by @azurejasper for a photo challenge for instance is a perfect example of smoke and mirrors.

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I steemed for many months without disclosing I was immobile and sick.

I would participate in contests and submit little drawings.
Sometimes from hospital beds.

When I add up the time, I have spent approx three months in hospital this year. Away from my children and husband, and most nights extremely home sick and missing them.

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When things got really bad my husband told all of steemit about my illness.

It was a vulnerable feeling.

But I learnt that it was OK to be vulnerable and OK to accept help.

Our user names had crossed paths, and we had occasionally referenced each other, but we had not overly promoted our connection.

We are quite different.

His beautiful photography, gadget reviews and current affairs commentary is not easily linked to my abstract doodles and tangential word jumbles.

We were floored by the response.
The emotions linked to that gratitude is physically provoked even now as I write.

I have lived in Steemland.

It has been my constant during everything.

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My first ever post - My Introduced yourself.

I wrote about my hopes that steemit would be different.

And it is.

But reading back I noticed that even from day one I minimised my situation.

So here I sit. Looking into the unknown that is my future. My injuries...are minor and are being attended to.

(sarcastic lol)

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This is the part that I want to highlight.

I spoke of my experience of social media in the past, which was only limited to facebook.

Facebook was a great tool for networking an important cause and connecting people who have commonality.

But it is not a kind place or a safe place to disclose vulnerability.

I also watched a true friend post sad and despairing messages and receive little response. This same individual took her life and now her page is a popular memorial and flooded with “friends” sharing publicly on her previously lonely wall.

This is my experience of social media. It holds so much possibility and potential, but just like humanity itself it is complex and not always easily defined, and always has it’s drawbacks.

I am excited however to see where this one takes us.

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It is my hope that we can maintain the intimate close vibe of Steemit as it grows.

I hope to continue to share and support great initiatives here, and to aid in the development of a unique place where people are respected and provided with opportunity.

It is important to me that I show the less sparkly side of my life.

I don't want to perpetuate the popular misconception of social media by only showcasing only the good stuff.

I think it sends the wrong message.

Life is variable. It is not always great, but it can be endured and the hard parts come and go. Everyone has them and all emotional and physical experiences are part of what makes a life full and is what foundations are built upon.

I don't want to be a user name, I want to be a person who is interested in the lives of other people.

I was effected at a very young age by the devastating effect that suicide has.

I entered a career in mental health many years ago, influenced by this exposure and my desire to help people endure difficult times.

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I don't believe social media presents us with more risks.

It is a changed risk, but human experience is the same.

We can be surrounded by people or all alone. Whether or not that makes us sad or lonely is not always a factor.

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It has been assumed by many doctors this year that I am in a state of depression.

But I know I'm not depressed.

I have reacted at times, (appropriately or inappropriately is up for debated), I've been sad, mad, or at times bad. But I think those variations in mood are normal within the scope of human emotions.

I have pain and isolation. Yes that's true.

That has lead to tears of frustration and moments of sadness at times, but at my core I am surprisingly upbeat and positive most of the time.

A clinical depression is a fixed state of low mood that is an ongoing flattened affect that cannot be lifted and occurs in the absence of situational triggers or issues.

I have been depressed in the past for sure, but right now my mental state is the one enduring part of my health that has helped me through an otherwise difficult year.

When we assume how someone feels, we merely project what we believe we know of someone.

The only way to really know how someone is doing is to ask.
Sometimes we need to ask in a number of ways and just be resigned to letting those people know that you are interested in them.

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By revealing the less shiny side of my life, I hope to be able to use my experiences and knowledge to work with others here to nurture a space in which lives in their entirety can be embraced and respected.

Selfies and check ins are fun. But they do not amount to a life lived.

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I am grateful for all the support I have received from so many people, it is my sincerest hope that I can give back to this space.

I worked in an inpatient mental health setting for many years.

I have accumulated knowledge and skills in that time that I hope to be able to continue to utilise, even if I am no longer able to physically work in the traditional sense.

I truly believe every situation presents opportunity, and everyone has something to offer.