More importantly, whether libido has the essence and whether it is exactly male and what it means exactly when it occurs in both sexes is the fact that it is fixed on different objects, that it can change its object and purpose. Since libido is a desire and it is always associated with a lack, it is paradoxically to say that desire is always the desire of the phallus in the other that it is always access to the absence in the form of (---): that is, the insufficiency of the boy, a man to meet his ambition, as well as the lack of the girl, to the woman of a real opportunity to satisfy his fallacious claim, turns out to be translated, beaten, altered, pre-determined by the strategies of desire between man and woman.

image source

Do not be the flashes and do not take the boy and the girl to the gender difference: a penis - yes or no, it has it and it is gone. The lack is not lived by the boy and the girl in the same way: the boy, since it is not "without possessing it" will have to accept his symbolic absence: it will be the sadness of the father in himself when he realizes that the real father, the real phallus, the own phallus is never so strong and powerful. Then in the woman, she will look for her sex appeal: a black diamond, the secret of her pink and black flesh (Batai), a fetish, a mystery full of delight and horror darkness, a reality, a cry and a spasm of orgasm, "The little death". The girl, as we shall see, actually misses nothing. It does not lose its phallus: this one is first to his mother and then to his father. But reaching this lack of expressing itself by castration of the other brings it to an even more radical problem: it has in itself a thing that is the dream of the other, where it will find its happiness to know no more, that she is what she does not own. So, "I do not have it" to the man matches "I'm not" to the woman. It is extremely difficult, however, to reach this dialectic of negation, and this generates all our neuroses. In one way or another, love is always an overcompensation of the inadequacy of what is to be lived. Sexuality, and later love, will always keep us in an ambiguous, ambivalent tension between Genesis and Imamnes, Existence and Privy, Desire in His Name and Desire Beyond Him. Sexuality is first of all radiography of the mantra and of the lack of being, of being complicated by the original bisexuality of the human being ("Who am I, a man or a woman?" And what does that mean, one of the fateful questions that he sets himself up and he responds by creating a special psychic image, mechanisms of imaginary identification with which he tries to solve the issue of gender difference)), but that is a truth that is rarely fully tolerated, is rarely forgiven, who pronounces it.

These compensations do not give them, of course, only sexuality. For example, the alcohol addict, the "drinker" (not the alcoholic), breaks constantly between the disciplining principle of sobriety, which is the unfortunate and debilitating self-consciousness in the gray mourning of the hangover, and the movement of secret selfishness that occurs during the day to the cup, which will give him confidence in a role he has lost, even for a moment. If libido can change about objects and goals, it also has different sources of irritation, excitement in the body, these are the erogenous zones: connected with genitals and chest, also oral and anal, visual and auditory. Each area corresponds naturally to one or more specific erotic activities: sucking, finger sucking and other things, defecation, masturbation, etc. Thanks to this diversity and differentiation, we can distinguish the main stages we have already talked about: oral, anal, phallic, genital. To remind them again very briefly:

• oral: sexual pleasure is related to the excitement of the oral cavity from nutrition;
• anal: 2/4 years of age: eroticism is determined by defecation, by the intrusive symbolism of the stool, the gift and the money;
• phallic: in the boy and the girl the first years of life pass under the primal masculine organ - the phallus
• Genital: ends in puberty and means the transition to mature, full sexuality associated with genitalia and reproduction.

part 1