Activism for Trolls
If the world's biggest trolls got together and indulged in a little activism; what do you think it would look like?
Activism for Trolls
Smactivism
Perhaps the most obvious type of activism for a troll to engage in is smactivism. Smactivists would aim to discipline politicians via public face slappings, preferably captured on live television. In the video above, the inventor of smactivism uses false adoration to grow closer in proximity to the target politician, before laying the smack down on his unsuspecting victim. This type of activism would serve to remind the public that we have the power to punish the government for their crimes as much as they have the power to punish us for what they've decided is criminal.
Blactivism
Blactivism involves utilising the current extremities of political correctness to correct some of the politics - and replace some of the politicians - in this world. Blactivists would simply need to turn up at every public speech of the target politician they are attempting to bring down, and then after every single comment - no matter the content or context - call out in disgust at how racist the remark was. We've learned over these last few years that throwing tantrums over erroneously offensive interpretations of non-offensive words is a great way to end someone's career or have them publicly shunned- whether what they said or did was truly racist or hateful or not. If a politician is trying to push through some legislation that sounds shady, the blactivist is there to tell everyone why that legislation is racist and why the politician ought to find a new job.
Shaqtivism
To be a Shaqtivist all one must do is capture and gain control over a wild Shaq. Kidnapping someone the beast has affection for could be used as a means of bringing the Shaq under one's control, but there are of course ethical concerns with such an approach. It may be more appropriate to use the creature's lesser reasoning skills to lead them to work for you. Some might even suggest that all one has to do to win the loyalty of such a simple monster is to tell it you'll allow it to bounce a ball around for a while if they do what you ask. Once under your authority, the beast could be commanded to remove world leaders from power or to wreak havoc on deserving nations.
Attractivism
It doesn't matter how wise your words are, if you're an ugly bastard with a creepy voice, no one is going to want to listen to what you have to say. Attractivism solves this problem by utilising the sexiest fuckers in society as mouthpieces for change. True attractivists, before making a speech or informing the public of any new findings, will always first ask the question; "Am I hot enough to be saying something this important?"
Unattractivism
Much like attractivism, unattractivism uses the aesthetically obsessed mindset of modern man in order to manipulate public opinion and attention on certain issues. A successful unattractivist may seek out and find the ugliest among us, educating them with opinions that align with that of the establishment. Anyone who talks to said individuals in future, and who learns of their opinions, will associate those opinions with disgust(because of the face that informed them of it), and never vote in their favour, or for politicians who agree with the position. One could also be an unatractivist by simply embracing their own hideousness and going out into the world sharing opinions they want others to disregard.
Abstractivism
Abstractivists approach activism - oddly enough - in a somewhat abstract manner. Instead of actively showing how much they dislike the way the world has been shaped, and rather than displaying contempt for those responsible, they simply find a way to enjoy the fuck out of their shitty little lives. This is because every abstractivist knows that their enemies want them to feel like shit, and so they fight back by demonstrating that shit is a choice, and you can decide against rolling around in it if you please.
Don't ask me what inspired this one. But in truth we've had enough of activism. We need some impactivism.
That video of the guy getting slapped was brilliant. I'd love to see that catch on in the UK. I can imagine the scene. The Queen of the parasites bends down to receive a bouquet of flowers only to be slapped across the face by a child who sees through her reptilian disguise. I'd love to see Meghan Markle get a slap to bring her back down to earth too.
Lol. It shouldn't be funny to envision a hundred year old woman getting slapped across the face.. and yet it is.