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"Lick them clean, asshole!" Kidding. That's gross.

"I thought that's why we got the stupid cat!" Oh shit. I'm having flashbacks.

She Inaudibly grumbles while picking up cat and carrying it to kitchen. "Go to the store, we're out of cat litter!"

And then you went back to the video games, the cat started shitting in the bed...it all makes sense now.

Back to the video games?

Oh please. He never left them, and I know - I'm the one who just wrecked him - 4 games running.

You are the sidekick with the shifty eyes who muttered "yeah" after every come-back? The one with the bloody thumbs and the cheeto breath? Oh man. Did you start showering? And whatever happened with Wanda?

No, it's been scientifically proven that showering has a negative effect on your gameplay. I haven't done it in over a decade.

And for some strange reason Wanda left soon after that point...

Poor Wanda. I liked her. I remember her sitting on the couch, covered in hives from that cat allergy, waiting for you to blink in her direction.

I hear she's got a new boyfriend now. He's not as successful as you in gameplay - he showers every couple of weeks.

Did you have to rub it in? I still can't believe she got together with that noob.

Well at least I had my sweet, sweet revenge - I killed him so many times he was kicked from his guild.

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