An Open Letter To All Those Curators Who Broke Up With Me
I thought we had something!
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Life Hasn't Been the Same
Since you left me.
I miss you.
I miss those happy times. Remember all the smiles? I miss smiling. I haven't smiled since, you know, the day you left me.
Why did you leave me!
I'm cold. I'm lonely.
What about Christmas? How am I supposed to be merry and bright? Did you think of that before you decided to move in with that other guy? I had big plans for us. Now it's just me and the cat. Your cat. Your stupid cat that still shits on the blankets at night while I'm sleeping.
I think of you every time I clean that shit!
I loved you! I hated the cat!
Yes. I still feed him his favorite food. He still gets the best seat on the couch in front of the TV and yes he still scratches me if I sit anywhere else but on the cold floor, alone.
I started drinking again.
Only about ten beers per day though.
I won't blame you. My counselor said I must take responsibility for my own actions so I've been working on that and I've come to the realization the only reason I drink is because you used to drink and I miss you. When I hold the bottle to my lips I'm reminded of those nights we used to have together under the stars in summer. Do you remember that summer? I can't seem to forget it. It's all I think about now because I drink so much but I'll try to stop, for you. I'd do that for you. I'd do anything for you and if that means I have to start shaking and convulsing on the floor because I need a drink but you said no — that's okay! We can do this together! Like the old days.
I lost my job.
They said I had an attitude problem.
I used to be such a good guy. Then you left me. Why! What did I do to deserve this! I eat out of dumpsters again but that's only because they kicked me out of McDonald's permanently for making a public disturbance after I saw your favorite meal. The number three. Supersized.
I thought I saw you so I sat down with you and started to talk about the good days we used to have shopping for cat sweaters together. I was struck across the head and that's when I realized I was just talking to some random old lady who eats the same things you do. Apparently I was harassing her for ten minutes but it only felt like a glimpse of the past we once shared together. My life was flashing before my eyes.
I heard you're a prostitute now.
Selling your services to the highest bidder.
Was our relationship really that bad? I turned you into a monster and for that I'm sorry. I didn't realize my efforts were so incredibly heinous and putrid. I could have changed you know! You could have said, "I'm going to sell my ass on the corner if you do not shape up."
I would have listened to you!
I always listened to you. I used to spend hours looking at your stuff. Now you're gone and you took everything except for this stupid cat!
Screw you!
Wait! No! Come back! I didn't mean that! I'm emotionally unstable! That's all!
I'm just overly sensitive these days and I need help. I need you to take care of me. I can't do this on my own. I'm ruined without you. Please come back to me! I'll even wear the clothes you bought me this time and I won't say mean things while you're trying to get me to do dishes but I only want to play video games. Please!
I miss you!
Please come back!
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"I eat out of dumpsters again" Don't feel too bad. Some hipsters eat out of dumpsters because they think it makes them cool.
Haha I miss a few curators who seem to have forgotten about me lately too.
I'll just sit here and pretend 4000 followers are enjoying my work. Maybe I'll find some pills that make living in a fantasy world easier to accomplish. Until then I guess I'll just keep writing jokes and banging my head on the wall.
If you get the hook up on those fantasy pills, let me know. I could use some myself.
im enjoying it thankyou
I appreciate it. That's one less beer I need to drink.
Eating from plates is totes mainstream.
Damn that is a good letter. I hope your curators return. I wonder if I would write a letter like that to my dead girlfriend if she would return too. At least you got the shitty cat.
I think I should just come to terms with the breakup and move on. And yes, that means I can't do this anymore but I think that's what they would have wanted so I can respect their wishes. Here kitty kitty. Let's watch a movie...
it looks like a song by Ricardo Arjona ... do you know it?
Posted using Partiko Android
Haven't heard it. Sorry! This is more of a parody of a psychotic ex boyfriend combined with current events here.
I know ... but the lyrics of Arjona's songs are like that ... only that he's Latino ... that's why maybe you do not know him.
Posted using Partiko Android
Hey, don't worry. Your drinking problem isn't too bad, so long as you don't do cocai- Wait a second...
Ok, never mind. You're screwed.
I know. I'm toast and don't even own a toaster.
You don't own a toaster? How do you cook people before you eat them?
By the way, I don't have the same problems as you - I just don't get the curators in the first place. In fact, I can only think of one follower I've had for over a week who hasn't upvoted, commented on, or presumably looked at a single one of my last dozen posts.
Hmm... Now who could that be?
No accusations implied, I'm just kidding around
You’re just not looking at the right curation initiatives my love.. ❤️
I know. Going out just isn't the same anymore though. It's safer inside with a bottle and the kitty who hates me. And what if I see them with someone else! I don't think I'm ready for that yet...
Oh yeah.. any good curator really gets around.. just something you have to come to terms with.. a good curator really shares the love 👀 yeah.. but even though they have many lovers... they always remember their first 😘
I miss the orgies.
And you claim that there's no circle jerking involved...
🤣
Turnabout is fair play
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You're right. Hopefully they have a sudden change of heart.
Be careful drinking 10 beers a day, beer actually has a lot of calories so you'll gain a lot of weight.
That's the only issue that I can think of.
Yeah I know. Lots of energy in there so luckily I stopped eating. You don't have to worry about anything. I'll be fine.
Good call, I saw a documentary about someone who tried something similar. You should check out the documentary too, it has some good tips.
I think that's the dude I ran over with my car. That must have been day nine.
The force of the dark side is strong in me. Just one curate at a time, don't pickup the first bot, keep buying steem back.
Temptation. Just one hit and you're hooked. For life.
That spring colored "I miss you" card with the stare down from the abandoned cat has got me feeling guilty, and I haven't even gone anywhere. Wait, you used to say mean things to avoid the dishes? Deal breaker.
Yeah like, "We're out of soap, bitch." HA! I'm kidding.
"Lick them clean, asshole!" Kidding. That's gross.
"I thought that's why we got the stupid cat!" Oh shit. I'm having flashbacks.
She Inaudibly grumbles while picking up cat and carrying it to kitchen. "Go to the store, we're out of cat litter!"
And then you went back to the video games, the cat started shitting in the bed...it all makes sense now.
Oh please. He never left them, and I know - I'm the one who just wrecked him - 4 games running.
You are the sidekick with the shifty eyes who muttered "yeah" after every come-back? The one with the bloody thumbs and the cheeto breath? Oh man. Did you start showering? And whatever happened with Wanda?
No, it's been scientifically proven that showering has a negative effect on your gameplay. I haven't done it in over a decade.
And for some strange reason Wanda left soon after that point...
I hope after the breakups you didn't do any drunken curation hookups. I hate to admit that I did that once and voted so many cheap prostitutes trying to find love again while in my drunken haze. I felt so dirty the next day. All I can say is have a good cry, binge on some junk food, then get up the next day and find new curators who will love you for you.
Maybe I'll just try heroin and forget about this whole mess. You're right.