I Asked a Fortune Telling Machine if Steemit Will Make Me Rich

in #funny7 years ago (edited)

This wasn't your average fortune telling machine though. It is old and wise.
All of life's answers are contained within.

Title Screen
Taboo
The Sixth Sense

Taboo is an old Nintendo game. It was released in 1988 by Rare, and the game knows everything. I've owned this game since 1989. I've asked it many questions. It has given me many answers. You do not mess with these magical powers. One must take them as seriously as possible, or, face the consequences.

Check this out.

Even though they could have benefited from a bit of proofreading, the second screen after the title should be enough for anyone to start feeling the magic rushing through their veins. I know I felt it.

Moving On

Next, I was required to fill out a bit of personal information. This shouldn't be necessary, since the game already knows who I am and when I was born. I didn't put up much of a fuss though. I can play by the rules.

The Question

See. This is why I don't require financial advisors and their fancy charts. I have my own set of tools at my disposal, and I will use them to the fullest potential allowed in this dimension we all float around in. This, is my secret weapon. Shhhh!

Let's Shuffle, Shall We?

This part of my secret weapon nearly gave me a seizure. The colors started flashing and the cards started moving. This was the part of the game when I knew for a fact I was about to embark on a magical journey into the realm of all knowing. Quite the spectacle.

This is Supposed to be a Table

The cards were placed in some sort of pattern that I cannot even begin to explain the significance of. It appeared to be professional in nature and I was only allowed to ask one question. I kept my mouth shut and let the magic box do it's thing.

After this, ten cards are flipped, one at a time. Each card will reveal all that is and everything that shall be! Are you ready! Let's go!

The First Card

The first card, speaks the truth. This is not unusual, because this game knows everything. I was easily able to nod in agreement when this information appeared before my very eyes.

The Second Card

Again, the cards know. I got baked about one half of an hour before this, so that may have had something to do with it. Doubtful though. At this point, I could tell I was dealing with a very experienced fortune teller.

The Third Card

Any time you see a naked woman riding a lion, you will know it's probably a good time to stop what you are doing and pay very close attention. This card, felt like good news. I stared a bit longer, attempting to decipher which pixel might be the nipple, then moved on.

The Fourth Card

Well, sure. I can agree with that. This also gave me a touch of motivation. I think I'll start thinking about quitting smoking, again. Thank you, card four. You certainly know your shit.

The Fifth Card

Very true. I was recently inspired to write an article about this insight. It hasn't been long since I started doing what I do here and that too has been a source of inspiration for me. I could also agree with the symbol, for I am a star. Everyone knows that. Fifth card is a star? Switch that around a bit. This life of mine is rated five stars. I like it!

The Sixth Card

There's that cup again. I must be working on a flush. That's a poker reference. People who play poker might be laughing right now. If not, that's okay too. This card seems to know all about me and how I like to keep all my ducks in a row.

The Seventh Card

If that's all it takes to be a fortune teller, I think I'll quit my job here as a blogger and try my hand. Every time a new card flips, a sound bite plays. To add to the confusion, the Wheel of Fortune song started playing. I started to think about Vanna White, long and hard, then I started to spin, and went bankrupt. This card didn't help much, but that's okay. I'm in good hands. This fortune teller is a trained professional.

The Eighth Card

Thanks everyone! It's good to know many of you see me in that light. It's an honor to make your acquaintance and I hope some of my good vibes rub off on you, for I have plenty to go around. This card gave me a boost of confidence and I'm sure many of you are glad to see that, again.

The Ninth Card

Of course! I'd lose my mind if I ran out of ideas. How am I supposed to keep a blog up and successfully running without those! And isn't it strange. Some of you who follow my work here may have noticed the article I wrote very recently which speaks of my fear of losing my funny. I certainly hope that never happens. As for children. I have enough of those, but this little gig brings out a lot when it comes to my youthful side. Maybe it is me who wants to be the child. Hmmm.

The Tenth and Final Card

Well, I asked if this place was going to make me rich. I am broke and I am expecting change. The cards don't lie. There's also some sort of trouble in life. Once they work out the kinks here, we will all be rich! That's what it says! Let's all get drunk and celebrate early! Wooooo!


Conclusion

So, there you have it folks. The answers were given to me and the messages were clear as day. This magical box has been right about everything I've ever asked. When I was a kid, I would ask it childish questions like, "Will that girl stop ignoring me?" The answer was always no. Having this advantage saved me many years of wasting my time chasing the wrong things in life. A few times, the game wouldn't give me the answer I wanted to hear. All I had to do was play again, ask the same question and wait for the right answer.

Due to time constraints, I was not able to play more than once today. That was a pure form demonstration of the powerful magic within, as intended. I hope you enjoyed the show, I wish you all the best, I thank you for coming and I suggest you hold onto your investment a little while longer.

Because this game knows so much and still has all of the answers, even though it is very old, I still give it a ten out of ten. A point for each card.

Have a great day!

linebreak1

All images seen above were screenshots of actual game play.
"I should have asked for that lion lady's number..."
Follow @nonameslefttouse
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A wise machine to use for all financial advice.

It will also tell you which bank has the longest line up. Need directions? It has your back. It will even let you know when you're about to die. This allows us to go on elaborate spending sprees without worry.

It's always a good sign when @hilarski puts his balls on your post! Thanks again!

In the hands of an enemy, such a machine might prove very dangerous indeed. Guard it well! If Delilah had it, would she even have had to cut Samson's hair?

Don't worry. I own a Power Glove and I'm not afraid to wear it. I used an emulator for this demonstration. The real deal is locked inside a safe within a safe. As for Delilah... I didn't know she quit her job at the bar and started cutting hair. It's probably for the best.

This post has been ranked within the top 80 most undervalued posts in the first half of Feb 09. We estimate that this post is undervalued by $4.01 as compared to a scenario in which every voter had an equal say.

See the full rankings and details in The Daily Tribune: Feb 09 - Part I. You can also read about some of our methodology, data analysis and technical details in our initial post.

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That machine is eerie. I was making jokes up there in the article, but everyone can see what the tenth card said. As of this writing, that is the lowest potential payout I've seen in nearly twenty days. It's currently sitting at $2.20. Time to retire?

Hey, one card said "unexpected events may occur, good or bad". What were you expecting? ; )

I was expecting unexpected events that could be good or bad, to be honest. The cards don't lie.

: ) What's the lowest payout you can get these days? There's a challenge! ; )

I don't want to talk about it! I'll just say, these people have been awesome but I'm not kissing ass! I'm grateful.

haha -- Sounds like Fight Club! Don't talk about it, lol. I'm with you on being grateful about this platform. And it's fascinating to see a technology like the blockchain evolve right underneath us, and approaches for a decentralized and open large-scale social platform.

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