_{First, I'd just like to thank the two of you who didn't swear at me after chapter 3998.}

I will forever love you dearly as we grow together,Band of well-intentioned warriors!

Now

I'd like to talk about how I've spent my entire life savings writing this goddamn book that I personally thought was to be the next bible.

Nobody told me I'd be losing money back when I started writing this damn book in March of 2018. They just kept telling me how awesome I was and how my book was changing their lives so I thought I was well on my way to slashing a giant highway through this jungle that is a successful life.

I sold my car and most of my banjos to be able to publish this chapter. I still don't understand why all of those other authors are making money while their readers seem happy and I'm sitting here on the top of the world, several times per day, broke as fuck and feeling lonely.

I refuse to back down from Success though! I am a fighter and I will carry on until the end of time! I refuse to listen to anyone who tries to talk some sense into my mind that doesn't sound like something I'd say!

I am not afraid!

Some were saying I "abuse robots!" I will have you know; I do not touch robots there! I haven't touched a robot there in the past! I will not be touching a robot there in the future! Ignore those filthy pigs and their dirty pigpen minds!

 
Anyway, let us get on with our adventure, Band of well-intentioned warriors!

Chapter 3999

^{Papa and the Potatoes}

I must backtrack about thirty years now.

---

Advice!

^{When writing a successful success story, always plan ahead so you don't run into the same roadblocks as someone who thought it would be wise to just go with the flow and see where that river of successful dreams lands.}

---

I was strumming my banjo

in the hot sun that I'd later come to realize was the light that would grow my success as if I was a plant of happy medicine in the greenhouse behind the neighbors barn.

Papa yell at me he say, "Ricardo! I thought I told you to shut up and go pick the potatoes!"

It was my job to have potatoes in the pail by noon everyday or I was not allowed to eat and then would have to sleep outside with the chickens.

I knew when Papa yelled about potatoes, he meant the business.

On that day, I could not find my one and only garden pitchfork. My heart was pounding as I ran in all directions as if I was being chased by imaginary bees who thought I slept with their queen.

Papa will not like this! I must pick potatoes before noon! Why must I lose my favorite pitchfork at a time like this!
^{Those were just a few of the thoughts my young, soon to be successful mind could think of at the time.}

Finally, after much scrambling, I found myself near the river where I thought I used my pitchfork to dig a hole so I could hide Papa's last bottle of beer.

---

Advice!

^{Do not hide the beer down by the river. The water will wash away your dreams of successful buzz in the rain.}

---

It must have rained heavy the night before.

Gone was my favorite pitchfork! Washed away like the dirt of yesterday's potatoes and tomorrow's dreams of successful french fries.

This would not defeat me!

I quickly wiped away my tears before Papa could see me crying like a little bitch.

I ran back to that chicken coop and grabbed the banjo from my bed of straw where I slept if I did not pick the potatoes. From there I ran to my little brother's bed behind the refrigerator where he says it's warm and asked him to wake up. He moaned, groaned, and then asked me if I still had any beer. I said, "Yes! Of course I do! It's down by the river so please come with me, it's important!" He agreed to go.

Once we were there, I whacked him over the head with my banjo and he fell down faster than he could say, "I thought we came here to get b..."

---

Advice!

^{Work smarter, not harder. If you can kill two birds plus get stoned, you will be well on your way to being as successful as I am. You will see why this is important very soon.}

---

I bonked little brother one more time with the banjo for good measure and he finally stopped making strange gurgling sounds.

Little Brother

Now, with broken banjo in hand, I ran. I knew the banjo could double as the perfect digging device to retrieve the potatoes from the packed soil in our garden by the marijuana trees(Papa told me never to touch) if it had a sharp edge.

I dug and I dug and our neighbor, Doug, watched.

It was exactly three minutes before noon when I proudly walked into the house with my full pail of potatoes. No green spots in sight!

Papa was so very proud of me.

I started out the door to go find a job since I needed a new banjo when I heard the most blood-curdling version of Ricardo that I had ever heard in my life up until that moment.

"Which one of you little pecker heads drank my beer," Papa said while foaming from the mouth and getting some on his shirt.

"Papa", I shrieked, "I saw little brother passed out down by the river again. You know how he drinks. I bet it was him!"

Papa was not proud of little brother that day.

^{I got to eat little brother's serving of potatoes and moved in behind the fridge where it was warm.}

Finally, I had my first taste of success and I have been an addict ever since.

---

That Concludes Chapter 3999

 
I will be back in a few hours to remind you that chapter 4000 is a few hours away. In the mean time, please focus on today's lessons and try to be just like me.

I will see you next time, Band of well-intentioned warriors!

^{This has been...}Ricardo

Credits: _{All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me. "Little brother? Don't worry. He lived to drink another day." [email protected]}

^{© 2018 Two Insanity Productions. All rights reserved.}Follow @NoNamesLeftToUse^{(Click the link for previous posts!)}