ADSactly Fun - Oh Brother

in #fun6 years ago

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Today my brother visited us. My brother is a bit of a gallump
(an annoying big lump of a thing)

He and I don't entirely see eye to eye so I wasn't looking forward to his visit as much as you would expect.

Scotland is a very small country, we only have seven cities and you could argue that three of the seven are really just jumped up little towns. The two largest cities in Scotland are Edinburgh (the capital) and Glasgow (What should be the capital.)

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There is a fierce rivalry between Edinburgh and Glasgow. Coincidentally my brother lives in Edinburgh and I live in Glasgow.

He pulled up outside my house in his big shiny new BMW. I came out to greet him.

Alright dude.

I muttered with something short of enthusiasm.

Alright wee man.

He said with a verbal swagger. It is worth noting at this time that wee man is a bit of a familiar yet also derogatory thing to call someone in Glasgow.

My brother stopped beside my car. It's a nine-year-old heap of junk with one saving grace, that is, it gets me from A to B.

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This your motor? For real?

He pointed mockingly at it.

I rolled my eyes so hard I almost fell over and confirmed that yes, it was my motor.

How old is it?

He walked around it as if inspecting a dinosaur fossil.

It's 9 years old.

He flinched as if I had thrown filthy toenail clippings at him. Then hurried after me as I headed in the house.

We exchanged small talk. He was staying the night and had no need to drive later so I offered him a beer. He curled his lip.

You got anything decent like?

I laughed long and loud. In certain circles, I am known as the beer man, so this question amused me no end. I come back from the fridge with a selection of amazing beer. Most of which I am sure he has never heard of or seen.

His brutish finger hovered above the bottles on display, moving back and forth. It settled above a bottle with a big skull and crossbones emblazoned on it.

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I made this

I chuckled.

Are you sure? That one is a chipotle beer.

He made a bulldog chewing a wasp face.

Of course, I am sure. I can handle chillis no problem. I am used to hot stuff that you couldn't even imagine.

I opened the bottle and passed it to him. It had quite a mild chipotle kick so I knew he would be ok. He took a swig and carried on.

I mean, I have eaten chillis you wouldn't believe. I am the King of Chillis!

I smiled at this. Despite being brothers he obviously doesn't know me very well. I am chilli mad.

The King of Chillis huh? I make my own chilli paste. It's rather good. Quite hot. Perhaps you would like to try some?...

He flushed a little, the chipotle in the beer obviously starting to burn in his throat.

Yeah man, bring it out. Is it really hot? I can eat anything hot. The hotter the better. Go on, bring it out.

I went into the kitchen and returned with the chilli paste that I had made recently. It was my favourite one, Hot Lava Chilli paste. It was a bright orangey red and glowed with an angry heat from the Scotch Bonnets that it mostly consisted of.

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I made this... Literally!

He looked at it. He looked at me. He looked at it again. Some of his bravado slipped a bit. I waved a teaspoon.

Just a quarter of a teaspoon will be plenty... That is, if you're man enough?

I could not help but add in the last in a sniggering malicious way.

He looked inside the jar, the fumes were enough to make a welder cry. It seemed to glow slightly. I felt a bit bad. It's madness to try my chilli paste. Unless you can handle proper spicy heat that is. Given the way that his cheeks were going red from the mild chilli beer I had given him, he would never be able to take it.

I'm only kidding mate.

I put the lid on the jar and made to pull it away.

Too late!

My brother grabs it and the teaspoon I had with an iron hand.

Give me that. I can handle it no bother. You will see.

He unscrewed it and in one fell swoop took a big teaspoon as if it was ice cream and plopped it in his mouth.

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Everything stops. I stare at him in horror.

He smirks at me, smug as a man who has fallen into the sea and walked out with a fish in each hand and one in his mouth. He swallowed the mouthful of chilli paste.

The colour suddenly drained from his face, then it came flooding back in a rush. His cheeks glowed bright red. He coughed. Just a little. Then a lot. His hands clawed at his neck. He stared at me, eyes bulging in his not smug anymore face.

Toilet!!

He manages to wheeze out. before running off. I hear the door on the toilet slam then an awful retching noise. He seemed to be shouting for someone called RALPH then HUEY.

After some five minutes of the retching noise. He came staggering back into the room.

Hot, Hot. Too hot.

He waved his hand at his face which was soaked in sweat.

Need a drink.

He leaned over and grabbed his beer.

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I made that.

Nooo! Don't drink beer...

I was too late with my warning. His face started alternating from red to white to red again. He waves in the direction of the toilet and runs off again.

Once more the retching noises and horrible slopping sounds. This time interspersed with him crying that his sick burns.

Eventually, he comes back in the room. He is still hiccuping and looks like a badly stunned cow.

Just gonna go for a little lie down if that's ok?

Of course, of course.

I waved him off magnanimously. The good lady at that point came in and I told her what had happened. She laughed heartily before asking if he would be ok.

Yeah he will be fine.

I said.

At least, until it comes out the other end...

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Ouch, the silly blighter. Have you got any annoying relatives? Have you ever eaten something to show off and regretted it?

Tell us your best tales of grisly relatives and burning chillies in the comments. I will be there to listen!

Authored by: @meesterboom

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Sort:  

Great

AWESOME!!! Bothers are always fun, I remember a childhood incident happened with me. I threw a brick at my brothers head, ended up having to get stitches. Then a few hours later he threw one back at me, back to the hospital for stitches.

Ah the bricks of brotherhood! I hope that has forged a bond between you!

Yes. I have some annoying relatives (a brother in law particularly) but my brother isn't one of them. Your story makes me happy for that.

We have some chilis around here that are highly thought of. I'm not a 'super hot' guy, but I do enjoy a good chili now and again. I'd like to try your sauce on a proper burrito...

I have a very small Edinburgh connection. My Great Great Grandfather got his engineering degree at the University there and traveled most of the way round the world before he settled in Oregon state and here I am :)

Thanks for a wonderful post.

Well I think that connection makes you an honorary Scot!

I love chilli, this one is very good because it's not super hot but tolerable. Give it a bash!

I laughed long and loud. In certain circles, I am known as the beer man, so this question amused me no end.

While reading this story, it was entertaining me more and more, bigger and bigger challenges with your brother. From your brother’s side of course. It’s like the competition between you and your brother was getting hotter and hotter.lol I could feel your brother’s superiority, like he was above you.

I'm only kidding mate.
I put the lid on the jar and made to pull it away.
Too late!

lol, now this made me really laugh. First chilly, then chilly beer made by famous chilly man @meesterboom. I’m starting so feel sorry for your brother.not!
I have my relative who loves 🌶, I could definitely call him a chilly man as well, he once gave me taste of chilly sauce he bought. I’m not that much chilly man, but I tried, first just slight touch, I thought “hmm not that bad” then I took more and you could imagine how fast I begged for a milk. It was funny though. Nice and funny brother to brother story. I could imagine Your brother coming as a King Kong and leaving as a beaten ... with tale between his legs.
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Lol, that is pretty much how it was. He will be back, still arrogant but I will smile every time I see him now

Lols, this is wierd too good, I have only been in this situation a long time ago, visiting my uncle in 2004, that's about 14 years ago, was a drinking drunk then, had a drinking duel with my cousin at night, I had 16 bottles of stout at a go, it was only a trick I fell to, it was no competition to him, he took his time and was in his 3rd bottle when I started the misbehavior manifestation of the baptism I had been submerged in.....you don't want to hear the rest of the story.....thanks for sharing, it was an experience I wouldn't want a repeat but it was fun though. Family is family whether they know you or not they still remain family.....they are fun sometimes and other times creepy annoying, but they still remain family.
loved this, thanks @adsactly and @meesterboom.

They do remain family. That is part of the problem sometimes, :O)

brotherly love ❤️... nothing finer...😜🤣

That looks familiar!

Oh the hell we must have all given our parents throughout those wonder years...

Lol, I am sure they are more than happy with the way yous turned out

Ohhh what perfect time for Brother topic..Few weeks before i didn knew about this community, my younger brother had joined this.He has been always a motivating force to me somehow .He told me to join this community and i should write my heart out, he believes i write straightaway from my heart..Now that I am here, people appreciate my views, i have started to get confident here, and i definitely want to share my heart out here..Just want to thank him for bringing me out here and having confidence in me..I feel at home when Im here.Though i am very bad in expressing my gratitude towards my near ones, here i would tell him, thank you Bro..The best thing between us is that we dont fight for things as others do, like who looks good, who's got the swag, who's mom dad's favourite, because he knows its me..Haha @shahaan, its always me bro, i got the higher kickin than You, and i know you are jealous of my hair too 😂😂😂 Though i would a say thing to you, you are a better human definitely, I cant beat you at that...Stay blessed and yea you got more weight than me ;)

That is splendid that you are so close and that he got you into Steemit! I hope you both do well!

Yea thank you, he is making me do things which are out of box for me but i kinda like it here :)

im upvoteing you,,,, can you please . ?

I wish I had a brother with whom I can play with but I am happy as I am right now.

Frankly, I can not say as beautiful as you say; The color suddenly drained from his face, then suddenly back in a hurry. Her cheeks glowed red. He coughed. Only slightly. Then a lot. His hands clawed at his neck. He looked at me, his eyes glaring at his no longer arrogant face. Really, you are a spicy sculptor who makes people want to taste it. I have a lot of stories, but I can not afford them like @adsactly. Thanks for the talented cerpenis @adsactly been willing to share the story with us.

Hahaha, such an interesting story.. Couldn't stop laughing...
But trust me, when it comes to chilli pepper.. i can take you on... The tribe I'm from in Nigeria(yoruba) we eat pepper alot... We yorubas take chilli pepper with basically anything and everything...
without pepper, our food recipe isn't complete.

It's funny you say that. I can't eat anything without chilli either, every dish has to have it! Scotch Bonnets all the way for me!

How i wish there could be a contest for that...😂😂😂😂
Am sure gonna beat you to it.

HEhe, stranger things have happened ;O)

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