ADSactly Fun - 200 Grams
What's wrong, you look really depressed?
I asked of my work colleague, the affectionately nick-named Custard Cream. The poor chap looked really down in the dumps which was odd as he was finishing up for his holidays at the end of the week. We were sitting having lunch in the canteen. Or at least I was, he was sipping a herbal tea.
Och, I don't really want to go into it all. It's a boring story.
He said morosely as if someone had tried on his trousers but had then refused to buy them.
Fair enough.
I said, with a bit of relief, after all, who wants to listen to a boring story?
It's just that, you know I am finishing up for my hols at the end of the week?
Oh yes, we all know. You have been telling us for a couple of months.
And indeed he had. On and on and on. Portugal Portugal Portugal. At times it seemed like it was all he could say.
Och, it's silly really but something bad happened last night and I am trying to fight it but it's really getting to me.
I took stock. Custard Cream was usually quite the cheery chap. In fact, I got on fairly well with him. Apart from his odd facial habit of winking whilst twitching. It did take a while to get used to that. It gave him a slightly leery air but it was more of a facial tic than a lifestyle choice.
Go on man, you can tell me. A problem shared is a problem halved so they say.
No mate, I don't think you would understand. It's kinda personal.
I looked theatrically around me as if drunk and wondering what had become of my shoes.
Hey, I would understand. Honest. No judgement here. Are you getting on ok with the wife?
I was half wishing I could stop myself talking because I was already thinking I wouldn't understand. I was thinking he could keep his obviously weird personal problems to himself.
Much like him and his facial wink thing though. I couldn't stop.
I reached out a tentative hand and put it on his shoulder, where it sat, like a small dead animal.
He looked at my hand, then me quizzically. I pulled it back as if I had no control over the beast.
Alright then. Well you know I am going on holiday at the end of the week?
Oh good grief, yes we know. WE KNOW!! I thought. Instead of thrusting a knife-edged hand into the side of his neck and watching him sink into the eternal sleep I smiled.
Yeah, that is right. You must be getting really excited?
He looked even more miserable despite winking twice.
Well, I was.
Oof, this was like pulling teeth.
Go on?
Well, I had my last weigh-in last night. Myself and the wife, you know? Our holiday weight targets. She made hers but...
He paused. He looked near tears as if his favourite Auntie had just passed beyond the veil.
Spit it out mate, it's cool.
Said I, the eternal sympathy man.
Well, I missed my target weight. It's putting a right dampener on my mood.
I blinked in shock. That was it? He missed his holiday target weight? He was skinny as a rake anyway. He didn't need to lose any weight. If you looked up slim in the dictionary there would be a picture of him smoking a cigar.
Don't worry about it mate. You can't have missed it by much.
He still looked morose.
I didn't, that's the thing. I only missed it by 200 grams.
I spat some of my sandwich out and stared at him.
200 WHAT?! 200 GRAMS?!?! What is wrong with you? Who weighs themselves in grams? What are you a bloody gerbil? Go and chase yourself! You are a DISGRACE TO MANHOOD!
He got up huffily.
I told you you wouldn't understand...
He turned on his heel and stalked off. I balled up my sandwich wrapper and threw it at the back of his head scoring a successful hit. I thought I might have heard a sob.
I shook my head, 200 grams?! Really? Since when did people start weighing themselves in grams?!
What about you? Do you know of anyone who weights themselves in grams that is an actual human? Or is this a thing that I have missed? What is becoming of the world?
Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!
Authored by: @meesterboom
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Thank you!
Ahahahahaha. Marsha Mason had one of my all time lines "Skinny people say stupid shit like 'I forgot to eat lunch today'. I've forgot my name, where my underwear is, but I'VE NEVER FORGOTTEN TO EAT."
When I'm fighting the weight dragon (and I'm always fighting that one) I tend to weigh myself in kilos even though that isn't the standard in my country. More wiggle room...
Thanks for a wonderful story!
Thanks @bigtom13! I only just noticed this comment! I like a bit of wiggle room myself when battling it!
a very funny story. funny enough I dont know how much I weigh and im pretty sure im more skinner than your friend there, so I'm going to take that space in the dictionary, with the cigar of course.
there is nothing like reading a good story. nice one. and shame on you for throwing food away, who does that?! @meesterboom
It would be quite hard to be skinnier than this man, lol!
Could it be that @meesterboom is as skinny as the chief character of this story??😄😄
Haha, not likely!
Thanks bro!!
When you look back at these kind of “emotional” conversations, you laugh. However, at that moment it actually pissed you that much off to loose your patience and throw your sandwich wrapper at him lol. Funny story to read, obnoxious and nerve taking to actually being part of it 😆. Honestly, I’ve never seen anyone looking at the grams while weighting himself. I guess your friend must be special, annoying, but original.
I am still baffled by it. Grams indeed!
200grams.... Throwing away your sandwich I don't know which annoyed me most!!
Very good posts, hopefully a successful brother is always in esteem
Really inspirable and enjoy full story it is.
I like it very much because it remind me my college days during engineering.
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Hehehhe awesome andy funy story
Good post
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It is truly a fun read. Actually all your stories are. Thank you for sharing. I weigh about 97 kg, about being the operative word. There are always decimals whenever I weigh myself but I have never taken the time to notice it. Now imagine those decimals putting a damper on my feelings :)
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This has nothing to do with the post. It's just spam text. Hence the downvote
You are right @meesterboom by the way I read your story twice and this is amazing, you nailed it, man 👌
Thank you!
I am going to follow you because I like to read your post # keep healthy😊 @meesterboom