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The Perfectionists

Chapter 10

Ariel

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Guilty. That was it. She was feeling guilty. She was guilty, really. Guilt was her element, the ocean in which she’d been swimming for as long as she could remember, and long exposure had infused her with its essence, until finally it had taken her over, replaced her, become her identity. Like Invasion of the Body Snatchers , Ariel thought; only not as interesting to watch.

She sighed. That must be why she kept having this weird dream over and over again. She couldn’t understand what it was about, really, other than that it involved Melissa and Zelig and… also her. Kind of.

Her guilt over what she’d done was affecting her. More deeply than she'd realized, apparently. Fresh guilt. she thought Just what the doctor ordered.

The recurring drama that played out every night behind her eyelids seemed to be set in the Garden of Eden, to judge by the props and staging: two people (always Zelig and Melissa) standing naked in the center of an exquisitely beautiful garden, along with two huge, radiant fruit trees that glowed as if lit from within, whose luscious fruit made her mouth water. Yeah that was totally the Garden of Eden. Oh, and the snake was there too, duh. Of course. As if there weren’t enough sexual symbolism with the naked people and the fruit. And she, Ariel was… kind of there, but not really there. Like a ghost, but not quite like a ghost either. Like a disembodied audience member. As if she were floating in midair, invisible, watching it happen and wondering where she fit in, or whether she belonged in the scene at all.

In some iterations of these dreams, the Adam and Eve/Zelig and Melissa people only ate fruit from the first of the two trees. Each time they took a bite of this fruit, they seemed to look younger and more beautiful. And after eating a piece they’d just look at each other all twinkly and smiling, with juice running down their chins, and suddenly they’d be kissing, or chasing each other around the garden, laughing with childlike abandon, like a nude, vaguely pornographic commercial for whatever kind of fruit this was. At these times she felt jealous of Melissa, wishing she could be in the picture too.

In other versions, the snake would lower itself down from the second tree to whisper something into Eve's ear. Eve never seemed to react at all, as if she hadn't noticed the whispering, didn’t even know the snake was there. But then, after several moments, all at once her face would change. And she’d turn to the tree, a syringe in her fingers, or an asthma inhaler, or a usb cable, or sometimes what looked like a pump sprayer like they used to spray herbicides on the weeds that grew up between the cracks in the sidewalks. If a syringe, which was the most common, she’d begin by plucking a piece of the ripe, blood red fruit from the tree, and delicately pushing the needle into it, piercing its skin, pulling the dark juice up into the barrel of the syringe until it was full. Then she’d sit on the ground beneath the tree, lean her naked back against its trunk, and plunge the syringe into her forearm, her eyes rolling back into her head. She’d sigh as her muscles let go, letting her pretty head fall back to rest against the rough bark of the tree, a smile spreading slowly across her face, as black tears of blood pooled in her eyes and ran down her cheeks.

Then Adam would find her and grab her by the shoulders, shaking her as she smiled senselessly back at him, the blood tears running down her cheeks, his mouth moving as if he were screaming her name, but no more than a whisper coming out. And she’d pick the syringe up, in her delicate fingers, from the grass where it had fallen, and show it to him, and he’d look at her suddenly with fear in his eyes. But he’d take the needle, its barrel still half full, and stick it into his own arm, and press down on the plunger, letting the black juice flow into his veins.

And Ariel watched and felt jealous, even of this, wanting to be there in the picture with them, wanting to be his Eve.

And that was the dream. The usb cable, the asthma inhaler, and the pesticide sprayer were variations on the theme, but they all produced similar results. And always she was jealous. Why? She'd known it was stupid of her not to break it off with Zelig, when Melissa had suddenly expressed an interest. Melissa was her friend. Even if she was only interested in Zelig again now because he and Ariel had found each other, so what? She could have backed off. If she had, she might still have her friend now. Maybe both of them, Melissa and Zelig, would have remained her friends. Now she had neither. It felt like a betrayal to her, his going back to Melissa. But paradoxically, it also felt like a betrayal on her part, not to have let him go sooner, not to have pushed him away first.

And maybe she would have, if she hadn't seen first hand what Zelig had been when he and Melissa were together. If she hadn't seen the effect the marriage had had, not only on him, but on Melissa as well. She hadn’t wanted that again. Not for either of them. They were clearly so much better off apart. No matter what Melissa said about having changed. People don't change. It's a law of nature.

Plus, she reminded herself sternly, she’d wanted Zelig at the time. No, not wanted. It wasn’t in the past. She still wanted him. She couldn’t help it. There was something between them, something good, or at least interesting. Something that worked for both of them. They'd felt happy together, for that brief time.

And it wasn't as if Melissa had any legitimate claim on him anymore, not really. After all, she’d been the one to leave Zelig in the first place. And then, as soon as Ariel had expressed any interest in him, years after the divorce, she’d swooped in and told him that she wanted him back. That seemed hardly fair.

So why was Ariel feeling guilty about this at all? What did she have to feel guilty about? She didn’t know, but there must be something. There always was. Sometimes it just took her awhile to find a good reason.

She braked suddenly. Some idiot was turning into the intersection right in front of her, against a red light. She checked the rearview to see a black SUV easing up cautiously behind her. Good thing it hadn’t been too close when she'd hit the brakes, she thought, looking both ways to make sure the coast was clear now as she rolled through the intersection. Crazy drivers. She needed to put off thinking about personal stuff like this first thing in the morning, when she was trying to drive. Too much multitasking for her brain on not enough sleep. Better off putting a pin in it at least until she arrived safely at the lab, where she could sit at her desk and brood in relative safety.

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She was surprised to see Dr. Daniels’ car parked in its usual space as she pulled into the lot. So he was here already? Back early from his trip to Washington apparently. That could either mean very good news, or the usual bad news. Good news, she hoped.

She tossed her bag onto the big desk as she passed, making a beeline for the centrifuge room. Because Carl would be in the centrifuge room, which meant that Dr. Daniels would be in there too, first thing in the morning, catching up with him. She pulled the door open, stepped in, and let it close behind her. Their heads turned toward her as she stopped abruptly and stared at them from the doorway. “Well?” she asked breathlessly.

Dr. Daniels smiled broadly. A rare event, this smile told her everything she needed to know, before he'd even said the word. “Yes”, he said, nodding at her, “The answer is yes. We’ve got the go ahead. We’re going to be able to start human trials”.

Ariel grinned right back at him. She turned and nodded, still grinning, at Carl. Then she pivoted and walked, at a normal, leisurely pace, back to her desk to pick up the bag. This was the best news she’d heard in… No. She couldn’t remember when she’d ever heard news this incredible. They were doing it. After years of being stalled, their project was finally getting the backing it deserved. They were going to change the world.

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©2018 Bennett Italia, all rights reserved.

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It's National Novel Writing Month! Along with sixteen other freewriters from @freewritehouse I've accepted the challenge of writing an entire novel in one month (the others are: @amelin; @botefarm; @felt.buzz; @grow23; @improv; @kaelci; @kaerpediem; @linnyplant; @mariannewest; @ntowl; @stinawog; @carolkean; @byn; @kipswolfe; @aislingcronin; @nonsowrites).

Each of us must write 50,000 words total, which breaks down to 1,667/day, in the month of November.

This is not as easy as it sounds. Many experienced writers take at least a year, sometimes three or four, and sometimes much longer, to write a novel, and here I'm expecting myself, a newbie, to do it in one month. But I'm doing it anyway, because: 1. it's fun; and 2. it's helping me to become a better writer, which is really the point. My intent in doing this is to push my own envelope, and... yeah, let's just say that plan is working. Almost too well.

Word count for this chapter is 1,516

Thank you for checking out this ongoing story, I hope you enjoy it!

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For a chance to WIN SteemBasicIncome, read and comment on my #freewritemadness posts For more information visit the @freewritehouse

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I'm dispensing with the freewrite prompts from here on out in this NaNo novel, but...

*Come take part in the festivities at @freewritehouse! Lots of contests and other fun stuff for both writers and fans *

Many thanks to the incomparable @mariannewest for hosting these wonderful daily freewrites :) https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-388-5-minute-freewrite-monday-prompt-hamburger

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Horizontal rulers courtesy @cryptosharon

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