What Happens When - A Random Freewrite

in #freewrite2 years ago


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What happens when all you thought you were working for seems to no longer matter.

When there is no rage, just the feeling of slowly slipping away.

When all you have to say seems not worth saying.

When the little world you have built seems so small in comparison.

What happens when all you thought you were fighting for is no longer in reach.. and you question why it was important in the first place.

When the time, effort, sweat and tears seem to be completely pointless.

When you realize all the knowledge you have acquired is useless in the big scheme of things.

When looking back, it seems much more could have been accomplished with less effort.

What happens when there is no more drive...and no more urge to fight.

When hanging on to show that it was all worth it ... maybe just no longer makes sense.

When there is no desire to prove anything, to anyone.

When all the nonsense.. just feels like nonsense, and you don't even remember what you were even fighting for.



What happens when you have lost all motivation, and quitting no longer feels like quitting.. rather - just slowly slipping away.



What happens then?



Random thoughts freewrite on a Saturday night.

artwork by @soundwavesphoton

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You become unattached and are free to start working on what actually matters.

Yes, well said.

What if you thought you were already doing that? 😉
You’re right, good time to refocus and only focus on what is truly important. ❤️ Miss your face.

Thinking you are doing it and doing it are two different things. When you have done it, you'll know you did it and when done right, you'll be glad you did.

What were we talking about?

😘

well that was depressing but a lot of it applies to my own life. I think you are supposed to wait for your midlife crisis before you start talking like this though :)

I didn’t mean for it to be depressing lol. More of inner monologue that I think might have, and perhaps feel they are alone in. Sort of a it’s ok to not be sure and to question what you are doing. As well as it’s ok to let go sometimes.. as sometimes quitting isn’t the worst thing in the world. (depending on the circumstances of course).

I’m nearly “mid life” I think 🤔 but yes.. I blame my personality type.. my inner monologue is quite deep most of the time. Lol.

the innner monologue being deep is probably a good thing. You're a thinker, nothing wrong with that. I have a lot of inner monologue too, since most of the people i see in a day don't speak the same language as me. Or I talk to my dog in baby voice, that always helps.

Don't get me wrong... I liked your words. It was cool it just kind of struck a nerve :)

Dogs always help, baby voice or not 😉

Well, normally the next stage is whisky...

Posted using Partiko iOS

Eek 😬.. that may not be pretty. Haha.

Just don’t mix with Coldplay. We need another blogpost.

Posted using Partiko iOS

Lol.. yeah whiskey and Coldplay is a sure way to get in a melancholy mood 😂 I’ll steer clear for now..

When the Self is not, then there is Love!!!

Love is all you need 😉

I usually pour my heart out into a post and get a comment from Tts and if I'm lucky a dollar...

Otherwise, it sounds like you're at a potentially unimpeded fresh start free from uninvited and cumbersome expectations place.

I haven't had coffee yet though so I can't honestly take my self seriously, which is actually a good thing..

writes a profound comment

finishes with - “Don’t listen to me, I haven’t had coffee.”

😆 perfection lol.

Yes none of this is about rewards, I’m very well aware I’m over rewarded for the content I make.. and that’s probably why I don’t post.. just a general feeling of apathy that I have never felt before. I generally care entirely too much, it’s one of my weaknesses.. so to just not care is quite unique for me.

Thanks for the comment and I hope your coffee was delicious, I need another cup myself. 😉

Another dollar another day..

In no way was I implying your posts are over rewarded, and that's a strange quirk in steem that over compensation keeps you from creating..

I can appreciate how you must feel and wish others had your moral compass..

That being said I can sense an overall apathy or even malaise on the chain. For the majority I attribute this to our price point and from there we have our trickle down economics that are really and truly trickling..

Trying to build anything without a decent budget and the proper tools is not enjoyable or spreading any sense of impassioned urgency.

Anyway, thanks for responding, and I hope something exciting comes down the pipeline to shake out the meh vibes.

What happens when there is no more drive...and no more urge to fight.

When hanging on to show that it was all worth it ... maybe just no longer makes sense.

Interesting post. I've just returned home from the wake of two of my friends, a husband and wife, who took their own lives last week. Seems like a relevant post to read directly after...

I guess we all deal with the adversity and challenge life brings in different ways - Some may see these feelings as a fresh start, a reason to seek change and a way forward and others an end.

Nicely written, however I've come to expect that from you.

Oh goodness.. that hurts my heart. I’m so sorry. 😔

I think for me it’s when this feeling of apathy takes over about something where there once was so much passion. Trying to decide if slowly slipping away is an appropriate response or if it’s more on an internal battle occurring. I’m a very passionate person, apathy is usually not something I experience.. so therefore it became a late night freewrite I guess.

Sending love your way 💙

Thanks Justine, we said good bye yesterday and we can all move on now. Depression, apathy, hopelessness...No matter what we call it, we all handle it differently. Some are strong enough to stand and face it and others not. I believe it takes more grit to stick a hand up and say I need help than it does putting a gun in the mouth and pulling the trigger. But then each of us have our own motivations, tolerances and emotions.

I'm also a passionate person and at times that flags. It's always a tough time however taking a time out helps. It's like a leader on the battlefield...They sometimes take a time out in a firefight for instance, sometimes simply by turning around and putting a metre or two between themselves and the firing line...Allows for that momentary detachment from the situation, and some clearer thought to make decisions. We can learn from that.

Anyway, thanks for your comment, as always.

It's like fading away, quietly, and without fuss. Without great suffering, just things shifting imperceptibly inside and we're turning our faces towards other things.

Love you, Justine <3 If there were a few things I was glad for, on this platform, it is having met people like you.

❤️❤️❤️ You’re a one in a million spider, and I hope you never fade away. Love you too 🤗

Well there is a very positive side to knowing nothing really matters, that liberation of bullshit is very necessary for us to really see.
and when you know nothing matters the world will become your playground, you'll do whatever the fuck you want.
if you wanna rest then rest, if you wanna work then work.
The bottom line is this, that we all are going to waste in this vast universe that we don't have any understanding of, might as well do what feels right. :) <3

You grow and keep going. And you have a !BEER lol

Beer does sound good, thanks ☺️

Beutyfull pic 3D

Ah then you are free from your conditioning.
Free to go on your own path

I find a nap goes a long way. I get pretty down if I'm not well rested.

You'll figure something out. You're a lovely person capable of so much.

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Hey @justineh, here is a bit BEER for you. Enjoy it!

You simply walk away and move on to the next thing that peaks your fascination...

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Thank you for using my art. It'll probably be the last great piece I make. I'm also feeling just idk like everything is pointless. Well at least all things are transitory.

Take care J.

Oh stop it. Make me some more art for my next freewrite.

I like when you boss me around so I might make you some more art 😂

Usually for me it is finding a new hobby as a creative outlet and a place to put passion into.

As of late I’ve been rather interested in American coins. I just need to solve the issue and cost of reintroduce them back into circulation. Banks in the area would not be a supporter of someone returning large boxes of searched quarters, pennies, and dimes even if you roll them yourself. Coinstars are not close and would yield a negative ROI.

Such a thing might sound quite mindless but it's also what is needed most sometimes.

Entonces descubres la verdad.
"Vanidad de vanidades, dijo el predicador"...

@transisto has spent 15.17$ to promote this content using Steemium.

Thank you ❤️ .. but I had to downvote myself to keep me humble and also because the bought votes made this even more over rewarded.. and stacked votes are no good. I appreciate you though 🤗

I'm going to have to downvote this, too. Sorry about that. Nothing personal. I appreciate everything you do for Steem.

Nothing personal at all. 🙂

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