Grief -5minutefreewrite

For https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-298-5-minute-freewrite-tuesday-prompt-grief

Let's talk grief!

I haven't had a ton of real grief in my life. People I knew and admired have died, but not so well that every waking moment I am hit with a sense of loss. Just some of the waking moments. And when I am, it is more as an empathetic reaction, imagining how I would feel if I were one of the people who were closest to them. I imagine what it would be like for @stinawog or @loch or myself to die, and how each of us would feel.

I experienced grief when my childhood dog... died. I spent years mourning that dog, and thinking about him, and when I do today, it's a little more present, but the thought of all the years that we could have been together hits me hard. It is a mourning for what could have been. But everything goes on, and that means other things are not chosen. I try to figure out in each moment whether I'm doing what I'll be glad to have done. Moments with the kiddo are obviously easy to be glad of. It's hard to measure moments spent on the non-acting portion of my career. By that, I mean, investing time in trying to GET jobs. When I'm actually acting, I don't regret it - or in rehearsal or doing something that is a part of the actual work... but when I'm...whatever, taking myself away from my family to worry over headshots or

oh, 5 minutes ended.