UNREALITY (5 Minute Freewrite)
The phone dropped suddenly, my fingers going numb. I stared at my hand dumbly, like it didn’t belong to me. I felt rather than heard a loud thumping, pounding in my ears. It felt like there was a helicopter in my head. I brought my hands to my head, covering my ears, but it just made the thumping worse. Louder.
I heard a keening kind of animal cry, breaking through the haze. I felt myself swaying on my feet. My hands still pressed hard against my head. That wailing sound still reverberating through my brain. I sank against the wall, letting it catch me and hold me as I slid down to the floor.
The noise wouldn’t stop. The screaming, that horrible heart wrenching sound was still going. My throat was raw, the heavy feeling at the back of my throat, my sinuses on fire as I tried not to cry, not to let the tears out. I couldn’t cry.
I let my head thump against the wall, my hands pressing so hard against my head that they were starting to feel that numb feeling again. I clenched my eyes shut, pressing, holding, the screaming, the wailing. I couldn’t get it to stop.
Someone was yelling, voices were there. Someone grabbed my hands, pulled them from my head. People were around me, hazy people. The keening cry was still there. I wanted to tell them to make it stop, but my voice wouldn’t work. I couldn’t make anything work.
A voice finally started to break through, the scream fading just slightly. I heard her voice as if it were coming from another dimension. 'That's my daughter.' I thought. 'I wonder what she's doing here?' Saw her pick up the phone I had dropped.
“What? Who is this? What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? Why is my mother crying and screaming?”
I pulled my hands out in front of me and looked at them again, trying to place them in my memory. I waved my fingers, staring at them, as fascinated as a newborn baby. I ignored the voice that was talking now. I just needed the screaming to stop. That’s all I needed. My husband would be home soon and everything would be fine.
“Oh my god. My dad? Dear god, no. No. NO.” I heard shuffling about. The hazy people were murmuring about bad things, negative things. I didn’t want to hear it. I wouldn’t hear it. I started to put my hands over my ears again.
I felt my daughter sink down on the floor beside me and take me in her arms, sobbing on my shoulder. I tried to reassure her that everything was fine, but my voice still wasn’t working right.
"Mom, please stop screaming. Please, mom." I didn't understand what she was saying to me, so I just patted her back. That’s what moms do. They help their children. We rocked back and forth on the floor then and I just waited for my husband to come home. He’d know what to do.
art and flair courtesy of @PegasusPhysics
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oh my! This was another one of those where you began to feel her pain, anguish, confusion, shock and grief...this was hard to read but I couldn't stop it because it was mesmerizing! great job @byn!
Having been in that moment myself, I cried with this story. Very well written with describing the shock and emotion of initial grief, the outer body experience that comes after devestating loss. Hugs.
Wow @byn love the way you described the feeling. I was hoping there was would a description of what had happened! hahahaha!