Day 90 five minute freewrite - children
The first time he shaved, he’d cut himself. Not badly enough to where it bled much, but enough to where he noticed the sharp sting of it. Dad soaked a cotton ball in peroxide and pressed it gently to his upper lip and held it there. He took in the new lines on his father's face, the roughness of his skin, the age of it. It felt like a new discovery, a strange thing to notice in just that moment.
“I can do it for you next time,” his father said in that quiet way he had when he was feeling bad about things. “You should let me.” But he didn’t want to let him. He wanted to feel as grown up as the little hairs atop his lip were telling him he was, only he couldn’t make himself feel it that day. He felt small and shaky and needy. He wanted a hug he knew he was too old for. The kind of hug very young children get without asking for it. The kind he’d gotten more times than he could count, and yet, he couldn’t just now recall the feeling of being pressed against his father's chest, the smell of his perfume–very manly, with only a hint of sweetness to it–the stuff his father had used for as long as he could remember and that he’d occasionally stolen small drops of when he was going out to see a girl he liked or to a rare school dance.
“You’re all set, kiddo.” Father stepped back and dropped the cotton ball into the trash can. There was a trace of sadness on his face and in his voice, and it surprised him. His father was not a sad man, nor a sentimental one. And he decided then that he would let him shave him the next time. For both of them.
This is my attempt at today's five minute freewrite prompt - unedited, because well - freewrite, and frankly, I'm feeling lazy today. If you want to participate, check out @mariannewest's post on it here
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Nice one. A glimpse at an obviously deep understanding between father and son.......as it should be, but, or so it seems to me, so seldom is.
Ah, my thoughts exactly! I was afraid to say "On what planet are sons so insightful" -
but I believe there are kids like this, out there.
And if anyone can bring them to life, it's Inna! (Dare I say "Well done" after this morning's convo about lame feedback from the lazy reader?)
seldom indeed. Thank you for reading!
You make the relationship of the two so clear in this short piece - it really tells the story of a lifetime.
admiration
Neato! For five minutes you have a compelling story blooming. I wish it had more time and care. I'd be willing to read it again ;)
You think this story needs more time and care?
I think it's complete and polished, myself...
@caleblailmusik is right, Carol. It needs more of each, but it is/was a freewrite, and as such, as complete and polished as it's going to get :-)
I think it's quite good, but as I was reading it, I felt it had a gravity, like it had a very specific purpose and direction and that, I guess due to time, it wrapped up rather fast and cut off what could've been an even more insightful work.
Hi btw!!
Love it! You have serious skills hehe. I got to admit I cringed at the first part with the shaving. Cutting yourself with shaving is the worst.
Thank you so much for your donation to my friend by the way <3 :)
Ah shucks - sweet of you to stop by and upvote and all that. Good luck to Donna. You're a good soul.
Gah. I literally have tears in my eyes right now. This is so so SO sweet. And I for one am not a hugging type of person (or parent) but you're making me see the joy in that my kids still hug me, even as adults. You've made me appreciate it even more. Thank you.
Beautiful, wonderful writing.
Today I am helping @mariannewest out and leaving the link to today’s #freewrite prompt! https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-91-5-minute-freewrite-thursday-prompt-board
Thank you so much for the sweet and thoughtful comment. I, too, am not the huggiest of parents, but I do miss not getting the hugs from my boys @byn
A lovely story and a right of passage for us men.
Thank you @omra-sky
This is quite deep. I like this freewrite. :)