Day 85 Five Minute Freewrite - prompt: corn
He pulled on her elbow, aggressively, as if to make sure she had no choice but to follow. He could hear their footsteps getting closer and closer. He pushed her down some, so not even their heads poked out above the still tender, unripe husks of corn….
He knew they were going to catch them eventually, but he couldn’t help but want to, need to run. There wasn’t much else he could do to save her.
At only twelve, she should still be just a kid to them, but he knew all too well that they’d see her as something else, could feel it in every heated gaze their kind threw her way when they were still safe, in the city, with Father wielding that giant rifle as easily as he had his scalpel.
He had to save her. He was all she had left.
The corn field went out as far as his eye could see, so very green and pretty, if he could only take a second to breathe it in. But he didn’t have a second.
He had felt her stumble and slowed just enough to not make her fall. That would make noise and they couldn’t afford to make any noise.
“I can smell the bitch,” he’d heard too close behind them and he grabbed on to Sadie’s arm harder then, looking into her dark brown eyes, beseeching her to keep going. He could see a copse of trees just beyond the last stretch, the giant oaks looking still and silent, not even the moss moving on them. There was a calmness in their dark shadows, a place he hoped they could hide long enough for the marauders to move on to easier prey.
Someone else’s daughter or mother or sister. But he couldn’t feel guilty about that. Not when Sadie trembled as she ran so close to him. Not when he was all she had left to keep her safe.
This is my freewrite thingie for today. I try to do the ones I find the time for. Apologies to any purists if they stumble on a typo or something. This was, indeed, written in five minutes. And dropped in unedited.
If you want to participate in Freewrites - follow @mariannewest - the founder. HERE is a link to the prompt for today to make it easier for you.
Want to join a fantastic community of creatives of all kinds? Drop by the Isle. Click the treasure map below to join us on discord.
img credit pixabay
Isle of Write Footer and Logo created by @pegasusphysics
this was WONDERFUL!!!! :D
You really pulled me in!! :D
Thank you so much @snook :-)
Everything you've written here, I'm impressed with how much information you pack into a few simple words. E.g.,
he knew all too well that they’d see her as something else, could feel it in every heated gaze their kind threw her way when they were still safe, in the city, with Father wielding that giant rifle as easily as he had his scalpel.
He had to save her. He was all she had left.
No need to spell it out - we know Dad is/was a doctor, a strong and protective father, but now Dad and Mom are gone, because this brother and sister all that's left; we also know the conquerors/invaders will pillage women and girls.
Again I say "You are a master!"
I appreciate the praise @carolkean, truly, but this little ditty -not all that good :-)
Screee...screeee...screeeeeeeee...thonk!
That? Oh, that's just the sound of Inna raising the mother-freaking bar!
This was fantastic. I don't think I can sleep until you tell me what happened. What are you doing right this minute? Are you cooking? Coding? Sleeping? Showering? Knock it right the hell off and GIVE. US. MORE.
LOL. I don't know what the hell happens @jrhughes. I didn't get that far in five minutes. And then I forgot I wrote this freaking thing :-) Was eating dinner and watching Peaky Blinders, btw. Might consider doing something with this....
Perfect. Is there the need to write a long comment? This could be part of a book that I would gladly read. You're one of the best writers here.
Yesterday a group of ancient bananafish appeared to me in a dream. They gave me a mission: to mariannewestize myself and bring the freewrites' gospel to the world!
Single prompt option
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/weekend-freewrite-01-13-2018-single-prompt-option
3 prompt option
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/weekend-freewrite-jan-13-2018-part-1-the-first-sentence
Thank you @f3nix. I'll see if I can find a free moment :-)
I have the same issue.. i think i've a strong plot to develop but no time.. maybe I should quit freewrites for a while..
well, I bit the bullet and did mine @f3nix. Common - you can do it :-) this one was actually fun to write.
UPVOTE is safe if (56) is your number, right? (Can't remember the Curie rules offhand!). Because, oops, I upvoted immediately and thought "I'd call her a liar if I didn't know this writer" - because whose first drafters are THIS GOOD, except @jrhughes and @authorofthings?
"Did a five minute freewrite and didn't even read it afterwards, never mind edit the f^cker. Just posted it as is."
And it's as near perfect as anything that's been workshopped, revised, and polished.
**Not surprised because you are a seasoned pro! LOVE THIS
Ok, we don't know for sure they're siblings. He could be a neighbor boy. A cousin. No matter: you still reveal a great deal with very little verbiage.
Such good writing, my pulse matched the tension!
Thank you for reading @ellievallie
A lot of tension for such a compact piece of writing. You've conveyed a lot here, emotionally and physically. Well done.
Thanks kindly...
I am impressed! So much talented, unedited writing. Keep going!
just happy to be writing anything at the moment. These freewrites certainly help to keep the pen flowing :)
This put me in mind of zombie fiction. And then I thought of zombie fiction.
Before, we feared an individual turning their hide on us, and sexuality, and for the sanctity of our own homes and families, thus vampires. Then we feared that people are not what they seem, and that society could break down, that the disease could spread. Thus werewolves.
Today, we don't fear individuals. We don't fear that those who are kind will turn unkind. No, today we fear the faceless masses, and we fear becoming one of the multitudes.
We fear becoming but a sack of warm flesh to others, and to become such that we see others as nothing but flesh to warm us.
And oh, brother, did you not consider your sister's breaths, to not fall? But there is no time. No time.
Nicely told, but not much more to go about here. Which isn't really a criticism, 5 minute freewrites are more to show an idea, or a technical skill. And the marauder idea did get me pontificating, after all.