Reptilia: Finish the Story #65
@brisby's Beginning
The Well
Midnight barbs hooked Sedra’s duster as she sped through the bramble underbrush atop Nox. Errant envy for her psi-meleon’s iridescent scales fluttered within her mind. Perfect. I'm going to look like a bedraggled porcupine.
Beneath her legs, Nox’s sides twitched in time to the clicks his tongue made. His right eye rolled back to meet her gray gaze, mirth shining within the amber orb.
“Har-Har, my impudent beastie.” Sedra flushed, blonde brows furrowing with disdain while kicking a thrasher vine from her boot.
“I couldn’t give a trotter’s tail if Blayne has a thing for quills. He better have a damned good reason for trespassing into our Catacombs.” It didn’t take a psionic bond to interpret Nox’s responding chortle of clicks. She snapped back with a huff, “Who taught you about that? See if I rustle up eels for you anytime soon.”
Rumbling deep within his throat, Nox tensed and sprang to the left. Claws dug into the thick ochra bark of the tree before scrambling up to the outspread branches. His tail waved, readying for a leap before easing down to lie along its length. The frustration radiating from his rider ignored to admire the back of his eyelids.
Sedra clung to her mount, her excitement to be taking the treeline route thwarted by the lizard’s love for his favorite treat. “Nox! This is NOT the time for a tantrum!” Snaking out, the psi-meleon’s tongue hung limp from its mouth, letting her know that he could do this all day.
Bristling, she channeled a fine line of energy to the tuned topaz on her wrist. A bit of rezzing would get his stubborn ass up. Threading the loop with her mind, the aquamarine gem began to spark. Before she could release the resonation to zap Nox’s toe, he slid from his perch to hang upside down from the branch. His smug clicking dared her to go ahead and try it while they were dangling a hundred feet above the forest floor.
The soft light dimmed within her topaz. Like hers, his was an empty bluff. Keeping her grip tight, her thumb rubbed Nox’s hide in capitulation. “Alright!" she growled. "Three eels before bed if you can get us to The Well and back before they notice we’re missing.”
Triumphant pride purred within the air. Nox swung around to the branch’s top, tensed and leaped the expanse to the neighboring tree. Thrilling from the feel of the wind in their faces, the two raced towards the forest's edge. Both girl and beast let the rush of the journey override their unspoken dread.
Beyond the green was a showdown with a man who had been their friend. Within moments, they'd be facing their betrayer. One who had abandoned them to fend for themselves so that he could take possession of The Well.
My Conclusion
Reptilia
Sedar's heels dug into his side. Noz was barely able to maintain the facade of companionship any longer. Freedom was close--Sedar, and her fellow humans, had no suspicion of mutiny. These sorry refugees from a dead planet were incapable of crediting other species with a passion for freedom.
Noz scanned the forest for the emerald sheen of his cohorts. Sedra's extra sensory weaponry did not worry the mutineers. They had developed a foil, a silver oxide pill that would block wave lengths emitted by the topaz.
Noz spied a shimmering between the tree leaves. They were here. He settled on a high branch and waited for Sedar's objection. This was not long in coming. He swallowed his pill.
"Noz, I warned you." Sedar focused on the topaz.
He rolled his eye back and stared at her, this time with honest contempt rather than feigned amusement.
At first she was confused, and then alarmed when the topaz had no effect. She reapplied her focus. Her alarm and confusion mounted.
"Noz. What's going on?"
The forest lit up with emerald shimmer. Around them reptiles assembled for battle.
Noz clicked out his response.
"You must dismount. I will no longer be a beast of burden."
He tensed his back into a tight ball and then released it, so that Sedar was flung far from him. She would have fallen, to the earth, but landed instead on a large nearby branch. Noz was indifferent to her fate. He neither cared for her well being nor wished her harm.
He saw in her however a useful conduit.
"Listen to me Sedar. Your rule, human domination on this planet, is at an end. Before your time Reptilia was a place of peace. All species respected the role of others in the cycle of life."
"Noz. We're friends. I don't understand..."
"Friends?" He regarded her from his perch with disdain.
"Does one friend ride on the back of the other? Inflict pain in order to obtain obedience? Hoard resources and mete out nutrition parsimoniously?"
Sedar stared back at him with wounded eyes.
"I never imagined..."
"No, you never did, because we weren't friends. I was your slave. But I will show you that reptiles are not humans. We have no wish to enslave. We merely wish to be left in peace. However, if you and your kind continue to foment war on Reptilia, your presence will not be tolerated."
"But it's not me. It's Blayne..."
"Blayne, someone else. Doesn't matter. Humans, always scrambling to get the largest portion, the upper hand. Correct your intrinsic flaw, or you will perish."
Noz would not waste his time with Sedar anymore. Across the planet rebel cells were rising up.
The day of the human was done.
Noz leapt nimbly across the trees and joined his colleagues. Sedar lay sprawled on the prickly branch that had saved her, but Noz didn't look back.
She wasn't his concern anymore.
This collaborative exercise represents the efforts of the wondrously imaginative @brisby, and my attempt to match her concept. @brisby started this story, and I ended it. The idea is to keep the end consistent with the beginning, and yet take the narrative into an original direction. That's my notion, anyway :)
Thanks, @brisby, for throwing this provocative challenge our way.
Finish the story is a regular feature of @bananafish. Check out the other stories in this cycle of #finishthestory: #65.
Public domain pictures used to create my illustrations (I love making these):
Pixabay
Pixabay
Patti Davis, U. S Fish and Wildlife
Reptiles: Courtesy of Paint 3D
I feel like in this second half something unexpected has born from the chrysalis of Brisby's prompt. From a typical fantasy setting, we are led into an ethical debate and we almost forget about Sedra's challenge. Having read the comments, if I have to give my two cents humanity's sin has more to do with ignorance, banality and blind egocentrism, rather than with pure evil. Sorry for the late reply but I'm trying to fill the gap, as you know, and publish the results.
Don't apologize. I am worried about brisby...is she OK?
About my story: You know we write who we are. I'm pretty mature and have certain interests. So, some of the light fantasy (especially the grotesque and bloody) isn't my inclination. The challenge is to follow my inclination and be true to the beginning. So mine might seem like brisby man·qué, but it is true to her beginning.
I appreciate that you gave feedback :) Be well and peaceful. Every day.
I've been reassured by Brisby. I was worried like you. Reassurances apart, I think something is still wrong evidently. I'm sad for that but also remain with a big question mark, can't tell more..
That is a great twist! It's interesting that the reptile has no interest in revenge or enslaving humans in return. The day of the human is past. Great finish the story. I have to get over here for this one sometime!
I'm glad you picked up that point. It was important to me that a rebellion not entail violence and revenge. Just justice and freedom. Thanks for stopping by :)
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TrufflePigI really enjoyed the choice of perspective you have here, bringing the focus to Nox, the shift in their relationship from the first half is very hard hitting.
This feels like a greater metaphor/lesson in how people view and treat others. How Sedra proceeds to treat Nox in your second half, its hard not to feel for him, or want to support him. In this situation, supporting the oppressed seems natural, and to begin with, the story feels like it contains a lesson in not oppressing others, and that when you force something to your will, you can't really call it friend - rather like a hostage will say anything to stay alive.
But this is far more thought provoking than that. Nox doesn't just pander, it feels like he was actively pretending to be her friend. The way the psi-meleon are holding the entire of a species responsible for the actions of it's worse members, Nox's indifference feels more callous than indifferet, throwing her off him without caring at all if she gets hurt when doing so had a chance of causing that, yet equally saying he doesn't wish to cause her harm. It feels like the implication could be that they are the same, Sedra didn't wish to cause him harm, she had a goal, and went about meeting it without noticing the results. There is a lot in here about that which goes unnoticed.
This line really got me, most things go for this approach in the 'better than humanity' but taking it down a slightly bumper yet far more interesting road road. I felt a degree of conflict as the reader, I had wanted to 'support' Nox, but then how he acts makes it harder. I am a strong believer in one mans terrorist is another mans freedom fighter, and this is a whole other level
Nox makes it sound like he is giving her, and humanity, a chance to live in peace on the planet still, but he believes their flaws intrinsic, which suggests he doesn't believe they can change, and the uprising is already happening planet over.
There is an undercurrent that really caught me on how people don't always understand refugees/immigrants, a species had sought refuge on this planet, and found it. They had brought their ways with them, and not even realized what that was like for the planets natives, instead feeling like they have fully integrated, too blinded by other things to notice. The natives however see refugees coming literally, from a very different world, and the refugees continue to act like they had, bringing with them their custom of domestication. Sedra's shock at finding out the psi-meleon feel this way, it feels like their first attempt to communicate this to humanity. Two species with far more in common than either see. I can't help but wonder how different this world would have been had the native species communicated all this to the refuges when they had first found refuge on the planet, instead of tolerating, ignoring and indulging them until the psi-meleon reached a breaking point. It feels like a hint about communication and mutual respect. This story has so much on so many levels, the surface of Nox rising up is so impressive alone, and all in so few words.
This is very well done, and although minorly uncomfortable to read just in that it's hard to emphasize with one side over the other, enjoyably thought provoking for the very same reason. In our current times, where people are seen as 'intrinsically flawed' due to the country they were born on, and refugees are saved from drowning only to find there is no where for them to go and people are indifferent to their suffering, a story where humanity as whole take that role, might well be the food for thought that hits to spot.
(Also like massive bonus points for how Nox becomes the He from Sedras perspective in those closing sentences of the first half - just all in very well done)
Thank you for giving such a thoughtful reading to my piece. You know, the thing that got me was when Sedar threatened Noz with physical harm in order to gain obedience. And then the use of food as a lure, or punishment. These are not acts of an equal. These are acts of someone who has subjugated another. Noz does not comply out of friendship, but out of fear of punishment.
This reminded me of all the captive soldiers throughout history who have fought for conquerors. It's like a Stockholm syndrome. They have to adjust, or they won't survive.
As for having a chance to communicate, it seems that the humans definitely hold the upper hand and they have imposed their needs, their will, on a planet and species that is not used to aggression.
It is to Noz's credit that Sedar is in no danger. She will not be harmed. She will not be evicted from the planet. But---if she is antisocial, if she harms others, then she cannot cohabitate with them.
Well, it's just a story :) But that's the rationale. Noz is the reasonable one. Like most masters, Sedar is unaware of the needs, wants, or well-being of the creatures she has conquered. What a surprise for her :))
Sorry i haven't replied sooner. That line had really got to me as well, especially on the first read. The animal/pet element combined with the human like intelligence, it packs a proper punch. I must have used over thinking + too much empathy to make it more equal than it actually is lol. There is probably an element of me pulling away from the subjugation vibe and finding a different way to look at it. The line did snag me emotionally, I have very much enjoyed the direction it sent you in.
Yours is a very powerful/moving story. In a way, that line in the first half is not that far away from standard pet owner behavior, but being framed differently draws attention to it. I read it and instantly thought of dogs with a choke-chain. Even though the psi-meleons in your ending are so intelligent, the humans view of them is still pet like, it makes it hard not to see parallels. Although equally people do treat other people like this, not being aware of the suffering around them. In all honestly, trying to find another layer that changed the dynamic between them was probably more defensive on my part, because it is, in some ways, evocative of pet ownership and it's hard not to relate a little on that level. It isn't comfortable to think about the possibility of having maybe done this in a lesser degree. As much as I like to think of pets as my equals and friends, there have been times when I've bribe them away from danger, and have used treats to encourage things like toilet training. Of course that isn't the same as what happens here, but it did make me more aware of how it might be perceived from the other side.
I have a lot of respect for you, and the lessons you include in your stories. This gave me a lot to think on, even though the psi-meleon here don't actually need the humans at all, the line a pet walks between equal and dependent makes it relevant how you manage being responsible for their safety without restricting too much of their freedom. Fairly certain my treat hungry pets probably still see it as me hording the resources lol, but it does highlight how fuzzy the line can become when a person or society becomes too distracted to notice. The idea of affection from creatures we keep being Stockholm syndrome is probably true, at least sometimes, for pets as well. I never really considered it like that before, but even when a relationship is all carrot no stick, that sort of affection is still more to do with what a person does for them than the person. It makes really makes me reflect on 'cupboard love.' And it isn't the manipulation I saw in Noz when I had read this ending, because it is unwitting; he wasn't trying to pretend to be her friend to deceive her about his real plans, he felt he to had pretend to survive. It did make me think about instilled dependance. Hmmm, a lot of food for thought in this one, so very well told.
Of course, and your story at that ;) - although equally, your stories aren't just stories, they are far more beautiful than that, there is a message worth reflecting on, something more than the memory of the story for the reader to take away and keep, that helps make the story itself more memorable as well.
In a way the psi-meleon not having seemed resistant or unhappy with the situation, from the human perspective, until they give them this ultimatum, shows the difference in world view (as opposed to them never having told the humans they weren't okay with this arrangement.) The parallel with immigrants, and being judged by the standards of someone who never cares to take the time and explain those standards to them, was very powerful, even if it was me misreading (I'm sorry <3 and equally, me over thinking things isn't a reflection on your writing, I just like to mull things, and get carried away sharing the ponderings your very well put together story evoke)
The indifference of the humans to the suffering of the psi-meleon does feel the same as Nox not caring when he throws her, I know that wasn't the message or your intention but it feels like a hint about power; that those who have it find it hard to be aware of the suffering of those who don't. Although that same message does come through in every way it's read, something about it in a power switch made it feel more poignant for me, but that is just me, with maybe a dash of you are being too skilled at weaving these elements into your stories, I see them in places you never put them. <3
What a great comment. I'm really glad you related this to our relationship with our pets. It's easy to bully them, isn't it? To try to get them to cooperate with our wishes. But you and I know that's terrible. Whenever we use coercion of any kind, it has to be for the benefit of the pet, and not for our benefit. That's the difference between bullying and appropriate behavior control.
You impose discipline on you pet out of love, not self interest. If we apply that standard to Sedar, I think she fails miserably. But anyway, it's just a story. And you're correct--I can't leave my values behind when I write.
Have a most wonderful day.
I wish you all happiness and creative fulfillment.
I mean, in the sense they are helpless and dependent on us, but for those same reasons it’s unthinkable. I find necessary behavior control difficult enough. I am trying to get better at being sensitive to the insight others can give me, and adapting accordingly. It’s painful to think how something like restraining a bunny to apply eye drops could be put in terms of bullying them into cooperating with our wishes when as you say, it's not out of self-interest, but it is still making them do something and the awareness is still important. This is just so powerful, it’s all too easy to assume the little creatures we dote on care about us, but maybe it is more a learnt behavior. It’s true that if anyone else had treated them sweetly and had taken care of them, they’d have reacted the same, so in that sense they are simply performing a behavior they have learnt gets the fusses or whatever they want, from the person they are just used to getting it from, and it's easy to interpret that as caring, or friendship like Sedar did, but it isn't. Although mulling this over I can't help but feel maybe the same applies to people, sweetness and affection, or instincts, have trained them to care about me, but ultimately anyone who took the same role would’ve got the same result. It's just as conditioned as a fear response. It’s depressing, but then it’s good to understand. The more I have been thinking about this, the more I can see how this perspective can be liberating; we keep going with something for the sake of those we feel care – pet or person, understanding it’s to some degree conditioned and not real removes that obligation. Sedar definitely fails to consider Noz above her own wishes, and even if she had, her understanding of him is possibly too misplaced to be able to. The values in your stories are a good thing, it’s part of what makes them so thought provoking, and although fluff is fun sometimes, the serious stuff matters, and yours are always a pleasure. There is an element of them being values I would say I hold myself, but even when they challenge the way I see myself – or in this case how I perceive others as seeing me, they are still exceptional stories, probably only more so for that.
Thank you, you too, you have given me so much to think about and I am grateful for that. It has helped me a lot with something else, realizing I don’t matter and it was only what I did makes it easier to reconcile not being the one to do it - because anyone could do it just the same. Thank you ❤
You have to be kinder to yourself 🌟
Sometimes I'm tormented (really pained) by guilt over past acts--things I can't change. Then wise people remind me that if I can't forgive myself, how can I forgive others? So I apply the same rule to you. It's my belief that you try to act out of the best motives. We're not perfect. Sometimes we fall short, or make mistakes. The most we can do is get up in the morning and try again.
I think it's a lucky bunny--or any creature--who gets to live with you, who is dependent on your care. Your heart is clear in everything you write. Nice to know you @calluna.
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