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RE: Ghost At The Feast (Fifty Word Short Story)
Anyways, loved this 50-word tasker. The inner monologue / ghost lady aspect being differentated by the calligraphy was useful. It actually seperated the ghost/monologue voice from the narrator. I could see how, even if it is actually a dysfunction to avoid the pains of social awkwardness and queasyness, the person was struggling to “fit in” with the party-folk. Especially with how the monologue/ghost voice just laments the person for coming.
However, I think the narrator should be the one changed for one small thing. The narrator appears to be able to communicate the thoughts of our suffering person, but maybe the narrator’s last line should continue that trend instead of being blatantly pro-monologue/ghost. Probably it could have stated the suffering person doing something at the very end. In that way, you can still maintain the pro-monologue/ghost aspect and not be blatant.
Crumbling, he curled up and wept.
And there, we can show how, even in the ambiguity or antimony of it being an inner monologue or a ghost lamenting him, that he internalized the words and accepts a truth. Of course this truth was discursive, yet most truths are. I think that lil’ change, despite some implicative changes, will go towards bettering the general message and have its in place structure maintained. Even then, I loved this 50-word and yah did a great job @calluna. I loved that we don’t get any comfort if it’s the person’s inner monologue or the ghost speaking, leaves it free for intepretation of the psychology of the person.
A good work should leave air for mystery and provide no consolence to the reader, they should put some mental labour into the meaning and re-reading is a virtue not a vice. We shouldn’t be like: “oj, I got it. No necesito leer el texto uno más tiempo.“ But definitely the author has to build the form and content of the text in order for us readers to know what the author wants to speak out but doesn’t know how to. Hope yah get mentioned in this week’s 50-word tasker. I always look forward to any reply by yah, just now that.
{So glad it's not just me that does that, I probably forget to leave about half the things I write in the end, one day I'll end up going back and leaving loads of them}
<3 I really appreciate this!!
See this first part is really interesting, cos I was worried I needed to be more blatant. Although yeah, the more I think about this, you are totally on point. Instead of just stating that the voices were right, it's more effective to convey the effects of accepting that fact. I had first thought something more subtle would fit the character better, 'He turned away, hiding the tears." but there is a lot of power in having more emotion in the last line and in leaving it more open entirely as to what is really going on. The last sentence does have a sense of detachment, like fact stating, which draws a line as the end, but it could instead wrap it up with a bit more mystery. I would say it's probably too late to edit it now though.
I do very much like the concept of a story allowing room for projection, leaving spaces where people can apply the most relevant possibility for them, sometimes it doesn't come off as easily, so notes are always appreciated, as are your wonderful comments <3