FiftyWord Challenge - Wish you were here
He never forgot the day she died. It was during the Fall, the season she loved so much.
"Oh, Greta... I wish you were here!"
Looking at the old window, Mark closed his eyes while the air stood still and an eerily mist invaded the room.
"I knew you'd come!"
This is my entry to @jayna's lovely challenge, 50-words challenge. The prompt of the week is ghost.
My little story is about wishing for ghosts to be real. Sometimes, when we loose someone we love, all we can think about it is to see them one more time. There are so many things left unsaid.
Would you be afraid to see the love of your life one more time or will you abandon yourself to the freezing mist? 🙂
The media I used for this story is a gif made from one of my photos. I hope you'll find it scary. 👻
Check out the challenge started by me and @erikah, SeasonChallenge. We would love to learn about your impressions towards the Fall (these being the theme until 1st of December).
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Cool gif and cool story! We all wish to see our beloved ones one more time.
Thank you, ex-momma. Much appreciated. 🙂
Not so scary but your writing getting better and better👏👼
Thank you, my dear. Much appreciated. 😘
Nicely told!
😄😇😄
Thank you. 🙂
What a sweet story, @roxy-cat! I think the notion of anyone coming back as a ghost would be rather terrifying. But my reaction would probably have something to do with the demeanor of the spirit, and if they seem to come in peace!
Let me know if you are interested in a small editing suggestion. 😊
Thank you, @jayna. Much appreciated.
Of course I'm interested. I'm always asking for feedback. Otherwise we cannot improve, right? 🙂
Oh yes, here is my suggestion. The story is told in past tense, except for the last line, which uses “you’ll,” which is a contraction of “you will,” which is future tense. To make it consistent, you want him to say “I knew you’d come,” as “you’d” is a contraction of “you would.” It’s not past tense, per se, but an occurrence in an unknown time frame, and for that we can say “you would,” or “you would have.” And I wish I could tell you the proper grammatical rule. I just know that you want to replace “you’ll” with “you’d.” 😊
This is more than a suggestion, it is the correct grammar. Thank you for pointing it out. Somehow I knew it does not read well. 🙂
The English grammar always puzzled me as it is very different from Romanian or French.
This is why I joined the clan. I have my personal English teacher. 😘
Amended text.
Hee hee. I also edited the word “eerie” when I quoted it in the new 50-word challenge post.
Thank you so much. For the suggestions and the featuring. This week prompt is a sign that I must finish "Wuthering Heights" in English. 😂
You are welcome, and thank you for being open to a few edits. 😊 I cannot imagine what it must be like to learn another language well enough to master its nuances and be able to write creatively in that language. You are doing quite well, and I’m sure reading works like Wuthering Heights in English must help enormously!