Shackled: A Fifty-Word Story
Shackled
Frankie and Vince strode by the sea, their hands held.
A stranger hissed. “Poor creatures. They sold their souls to Satan.”
Frankie glanced. The woman's ankles and wrists were shackled to a prison wall.
He chuckled. “Seems you’ve sold yourself to God. Hun, I’ll be the one praying for you.”
Prompt: Soul
Writer: Jeremy Mifsud
Photo: Kaley Dykstra on Unsplash
Ha!
Rarely seen that way.
I strongly believe those full of self-righteousness are more in need of redemption than those allegedly lost in sin. It must be a hassle to reconcile belief, contradictions and proof of power (or lack thereof) on a daily basis.
I grew up in a very Catholic country and as a gaytheist, I see this so evidently all the time. People who want to deny other people's happiness are grumpy and unhappy with themselves, chained to a belief system.
I agree. And it applies to all belief systems.
Interesting story, @poetrybyjeremy. I like the setting, with the shackle wall by the sea. I know you haven’t asked for feedback, but I thought I would share a few thoughts I would put out there if we were looking at this story in a workshop. One thought is that I’m not quite sure how the couple switches from striding by the sea to being chained to a wall. Another thing you might tweak is the dialog after that, so it’s clear who is speaking, as it’s not quite evident to me. Vince doesn’t say anything, right? Anyway, those are just a few thoughts in case they are helpful!
I appreciate the feedback. You're right, the dialogues aren't clear and the paragraph breaks aren't well as they are. I meant the the stranger that hisses is the one shackled and the couple was walking in front of her.
I admit I rushed this a little since I was later than usual and had a busier week. I'll edit this tomorrow for a bit more clarity. I definitely could've done better.
You’re always welcome to go back and edit. Thanks so much for participating in the challenge, Jeremy. I really enjoy your writing.
Thank you :3 Your encouragement means a lot :D
Good One Jeremy!!! About time someone shows the other side of things ... people are sheep believing in archaic things instead of live and let live. Why should it bother someone else who you decide to love? Love this!
Yes :) I don't really bother. It's honestly a shame that people like my mother who are victims to religion get to be sad and unhappy, but that's not much I can do about that.