It hit me hard in some strange ways but I lost so many of my pets and was able to grief but somehow I pushed Nenek’s ( We called her Grandma ) death aside. I feel guilty that I missed her cremation ceremony .....I broke up with her son after 16 years, shortly before, left for my home town.

Thanks for the hint, the correct spelling of “mourning”.
I had to edit this post a few times because my emotions drifted away, staying unfocused.
Nice to meet you and your lovley contest.