Better than Money (a 5o-Word Story for @jayna)
Better than Money (a 5o-Word Story for @jayna)
Greetings, 50-worders and readers. This is my entry to @jayna's #fiftywords challenge. This week’s prompt is “money.” You can see the details of the challenge here: https://steemit.com/challenge/@jayna/new50-wordshortstorychallengeandannouncement-6oh5ldwft7
Better than Money
He left the bar stumbling.
Heard steps behind him.
Froze.
Felt the odorous floating shadow.
Take all my money!, he screamed.
The woman’s ethereal form turned familiar. He had heard the stories. Never gave it any credit.
Money can’t buy me immortality, she said, pressing hard inside him; souls can.
Almost forgot, some background about this story. As I pondered on the prompt the obvious phrases associated with the word "money" came to my mind (money can't buy love, etc.; actually, i think it can, but that will be the subject of another lucubration). It occurred to me that ambitious people, especially those with some sort of social deviation, to put it nicely, desire power more than anything on earth, and what better way of showing off power than deciding who lives and who dies. I think that idea drives many serial killers, military, politicians and CEOs alike. Ancient people practiced human sacrifices to appease the gods or achieve some kind of higher ground. Modern people have not changed much, only we came up with bigger sacrificial stones. But the story did not reveal to me in mythological terms; a more mundane scenario came to my mind, which i guess would give a more symbolic meaning to the power of taking souls.
Mejor que el dinero (una historia en 5o palabras)
Salió del bar tambaleándose.
Escuchó pasos detrás.
Quedó paralizado.
Sintió la olorosa sombra flotante.
¡Toma todo el dinero!, gritó.
La forma etérea de la mujer se volvió familiar. Había escuchado las historias. Nunca le prestó mayor atención.
El dinero no me compra la inmortalidad, le respondió mientras presionaba fuerte dentro de él. Las almas sí.
Thanks for your reading. Looking forward to your comments.
Very entertaining your story of the delirious drunkard @hlezama, it is certainly familiar LOL
Thanks, @felixgarciap. Drunkards never lie, they say.
As always, this is wonderful. I liked it very much. It reminds me of the things I use to write. Good story.
Thanks for your comment, @snowy-june. It's always good to have you over here. I think I got that from you and your dark motifs. Se pega esto del poeismo.
Really? ;D Well, I feel flattered. I hope it is for good :)
Spooky. Where'd you get the idea?
Greetings, @vdux. I've been working on these characters for some weeks now. Decided to start writing stories based on childhood tales of weird people and ever weirder events in my hometown. They've evolved into a pastiche of folkore and traditional literary horror stories :)
Just checked your story. Very funny. Wanted to vote it inmediately, but i'll wait till tomorrow. My VP is so low right now.
Oh thanks. Very considerate. Your story has a great hook -- you should expand it!
Scary stuff... Very well crafted micro story right here.. well done...
Thanks for stopping by, @ablaze
Fantastic story, @hlezama. It made me shiver! You have a really amazing imagination.