A life for an Eye (a 5o-Word Story for @jayna)
Greetings, 50-worders and readers. This is my entry to @jayna's #fiftywords challenge. This week’s prompt is “Deed.” You can see the details of the challenge here: https://steemit.com/challenge/@jayna/fifty-wordshortchallengeround-upandnewprompt-zrdlzvg696
A Life for an Eye (a 5o-Word Story for @jayna)
When we found Pop dead, ashen, except for his neck, we were not sure if we should cry.
Ma’ looked unperturbed and kept her litany while digging out his mortuary clothes from her chest.
Woe to the wicked -- evil, Because the deed of his hand is done to him.
Following the instructions these characters keep giving me, i am just going along with their stories. Dysfunctional love, trauma, revenge and evilness, keep signaling their interaction. The prompts somehow have ignited these stories. Every word so far paints almost automatically a brief chapter in this series. The word "deed", resounds as formal, scriptural and the automatic reference came regarding crime and punishment. Out of papers i had been working on before, some of the biblical references seem to fit nicely into the scheme of actions-consequences. Thus, I just let them work their way into the story.
Vida por ojo (una historia en 5o palabras)
Cuando encontramos a Pa’ muerto, todo pálido, excepto por el cuello, no estábamos seguros si debíamos llorar.
Ma’ lucía imperturbable y seguía repitiendo su letanía mientras sacaba la ropa mortuoria de su baúl.
¡Pero ay del malvado! Mal le irá, y conforme a sus obras se le pagará.
Thanks for your reading. Looking forward to your comments.
Cuando encontramos a pa'
Todo pàlido ya muerto
Menos el cuello es cierto
De llorar en mente està,
Pero seguro que va,
De hacerlo no juraria,
Tener la disposicion.
Me lucia imperturbable
Y letania interminable
Decia en esta ocasion
Il
Mientras la ropa sacaba
Mortoria de aquel baul
Un recuerdo triste azul
Cuando mi madre ha exclamado
!pero ay de aquel malvado!
De seguro mal le irà
Por sus obras pagarà
Por sus actos ya veràn
Que a èl tambien lo medirán
De esa no se escaparà
I can see Ma has kept a lot of anger in he heart. The same anger she used to choke?? the man.
You got that right. He had it coming.
Thanks for stopping by, @francisaponte25
Oh my, this is quite haunting, and a bit surreal. I’m so curious why his neck is the only part that does not look dead and ashen!
Thank you for the backstory. I really love it when authors add something about their thought processes behind the story.
A very powerful story. It makes you ask for more. What happened to Pop? What deeds?
Congratulations @hlezama. Very well written.
Thanks for stopping by, @roxy-cat.
Some of the background for these characters has been reveled in previous stories for this same challenge. Pop happened to be an abusive father/husband.
Good to know. I will check your previous stories and see why Pop is so hated.
What if you will gather these stories and write a novel? I know I will buy it. 🙂
Haha. Who knows! Maybe i will. I have to polish a voice, a style. I had never written fiction. I got into this recently out curiosity for all the enthusiasm other steemians were showing in these kinds of challenges. This is really new terrain for me.
Same here. I just wanted to see if I can do it. Plus it is a good practice for my English (this is my second foreign language).
However, you are really good. Thumbs up!
Second foreign language! Great for you. Thanks for complimenting my writing. You are an excelent writer yourself.
Thank you 🙂
Bien lograda esa historia corta, @hlezama. Sus elementos están puntual y concisamente presentados en esa tres proposiciones. El ojo ciego de la venganza. ¡Suerte!