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RE: Ghost At The Feast (Fifty Word Short Story)
Ohhhhh I'm so gutted i cocked it so very badly, the meaning entirely got lost, does this make any more sense? I think the speech marks for thoughts made it more confusing.
I totally get what you mean, but I am not sure that 'please go away', addressing someone in the first person, is right for that kind of pervasive thought i'm trying to convey.
i am so so sorry, is that any better?
Oh, no worries at all. It is your story and you can of course do as you wish! I could see that you had been through an editing process, so I provided my comments in case they are helpful for this or future stories.
In the newly edited version, I think I understand it a little better. So the man is thinking all of the things in italics, right? And he is not actually a ghost, but he feels like one because he realizes the bride does not really want him there?
It is just so frustrating to know I hadn't conveyed the story I wanted at all, despite the editing, and giving it days. I think my main mistake was the speech marks which makes me even more annoyed at myself, cos it is a simple thing that just ruined it. But it's good to know when I'm not expressing myself in a way others can even vaguely understand. It is frustrating, cos i do want to be able to improve, but when i can't convey what i mean, it makes it impossible for anyone to give me feedback to get there.
Yes, the phrase means someone who no one wants at a party, so he isn't actually a ghost. He hears voices, and has been invited to a family members wedding because they felt like they should invite him, and as always, the voices in his head are suggesting the worse possible things people are thinking, but this time, they're right. Hey - a more accurate story than I intended lol
Oh my. I am really sorry my comments had that effect on you, @calluna. That breaks my heart! My intent is never to make someone feel bad about their writing. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s a lovely story.
It is surprising sometimes how much effort we can put into these very short stories, isn’t it?
Going forward, I will not make any suggestions unless my input is solicited. 😊
<3 It is good to know when things don't make sense, especially with such an international platform cos ultimately it does limit how many people can appreciate something so I am glad you told me.
I do want to be able to get feedback, but I just need to make enough sense for someone to be able to do that, hopefully next time that won't be a problem :)