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RE: A Day in the Clouds (Chapter 12) - The Hours Between 1600 and 1700

in #fiction8 years ago

Another compelling chapter bro. I was so pulled into the peculiarity of Ledd's fascination with the simplest objects and I too noticed the slowing pace of the story and figured that it was for setting the tone for something nice, and you indeed captured a sentimental moment of father and child and I don't believe, as a father myself reading this, that Ledd's dislike/hatred for his father, the giant, ruined the sentimentality or precious moment at all. Truly enjoyed it.

"Could this be their secret weapon during the Great War? If every giant had access to these picture screens of power, no opponent would stand a chance.

Back in my village, we used to just stare at the clouds, focus our viento, and think about what we want to see. The breeze would then shape the clouds to show us what we wished for."

^^That was my favorite set of lines and it was a nice transitioning phase to show the purpose of all of Ledd's fascinations and his plans to implement his acquired knowledge of the giant's technology.

PS: it's nice you have people like meesterboom point out some minor mistakes, but I forgot to mention, I am an English degree graduate with a focused concentration in Creative Writing, and I have noticed many grammatical errors and time tense mistakes, and minor spelling errors. I even have seen two or three in this chapter alone. I have a proposal if you ever decided to publish this book, I would love to be your creative editor for this novel to assist in the perfecting of it's overall presentation.

I have experience in a lot of editing, especially novels helping family, friends, colleagues, and professional authors/aspiring writers through my times in university and post graduate life.

Let me know if you would like for me to collaborate with you on that, and we can talk in steemit.chat about the details.

Also, quick question bro, is "Viento" plural or singular?
You know how police can be singular, but still be plural at the same time?

I know English isn't your first language and you're an amazing writer, and you write extremely well. I ask about Viento because in the same sentence meesterboom had pointed out your italicize attempt, it says Viento coursing through my veins allow me to heal much faster than other people, but I wasn't sure if Viento was plural because the relative conjugative verb would indeed be rightfully the verb "allow", but if Viento is singular-yet plural- like police, or blood, the correct relative conjugated verb form would be "allows."
Grammar can be tedious, but I too find it fascinating at times, as long as I understand the rules correctly and can see between the lines.

It's crazy how blood is singular, but we know blood is plural in the form of its make up, material and matter. I can't say the blood are really red. But I can say the bloods are really red, because there may different types of bloods, hence "blood types."

When someone says, "I'm calling the police!" They are referring to one entity of government, yet within that body "are" many police men and women. It's just funny and interesting right? Anyway, I look forward to continuing this discussion, don't take my proposal the wrong way, I love the story so much I want to enhance it everyday possible, even if I'm just correcting minor mistakes.

Other novels, I've been able to write my own creative interpretations and poetic expressions making me more of a co-author, but I'm definitely apt at proof-reading and clear cut sharpening the flow. Let me know bro! Would love to be credited under Edited By ..."" on that wonderful novel of yours :)

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figured that it was for setting the tone for something nice

Spot on, brother! Great observation regarding that. This arc is certainly a hump, and I note that in a future SILVER LINING. I really wish that I could've written that was action-packed from start to end, but that would be betraying my intention of faithfully adapting a full day.

That was my favorite set of lines and it was a nice transitioning phase to show the purpose of all of Ledd's fascinations and his plans to implement his acquired knowledge of the giant's technology.

Thanks for the compliment! That was actually inspired by one of my favorite hobbies growing up -- cloud watching. I imagined different figures forming from clouds. How I wish my life would slow down a bit some times so that I could just lie in the garden and watch the clouds float by.

Regarding your PS offer, that's huge, bro, and I certainly love to have you on board! This past week, I've contracted my girlfriend @randomli to edit the earlier chapters that have already been posted. I haven't had the chance to upload the edits, but we did discuss getting a third set of eyes to edit since we're too close to the story. Your offer is a God-send, brother. I'll message you on steemit.chat in a bit.

Had I known that you're an English degree graduate with focus on Creative Writing no less, I would've contacted you about editing sooner! Haha! Everything's just lining up so perfectly. I guess that's why you had such a good grasp when you wrote your novel. I should've figured it out much sooner! Lucky break!

Also, quick question bro, is "Viento" plural or singular?

Thanks for the grammar lesson, bro! I really appreciate it :D Admittedly, I'm a bit rusty regarding the rules, so it's nice to have that refresher. I guess you could say the viento could be considered as similar to blood. Even though viento is directly lifted from the Spanish translation of "wind", the way I'm using it is leaning towards singular. I guess in a way armas de viento is its plural form, since armas is Spanish for "weapons".

Any and all help is appreciated, my bro! I don't mind people pointing out errors that they spot. It's all for the benefit of the story anyway :D

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